DEAR NATALIE: I have been divorced for three years and have two teenage boys. My younger son, who’s 14, has taken to music. He is learning to play guitar and I found him a great teacher, whose name is Scott. Scott also happens to be divorced with a young daughter and is a great man. We have recently been talking more via text outside of just setting up my son’s lessons. He asked me out to dinner. I said yes and told both of my sons I was going with Scott just “as friends.” My older son was fine with it. My younger son, however, is very angry with me. He said it’s embarrassing that I’m going to date his teacher and doesn’t understand why I can’t be with someone else. I had a very messy divorce, and I know my kids are still reeling from that. But aren't I entitled to some joy, too? It’s hard to meet people – let alone people you actually connect with! How do I tell my son that while I don’t want to upset him, I need to live my life, too? –TOO MANY SACRIFICES

DEAR TOO MANY SACRIFICES: While I can understand your son’s perspective and concerns, you can’t let a teenager hold you hostage. If you go out with Scott on a few dates and there is a spark, you are allowed to follow that feeling. You can sit your son down and explain to him that part of being a healthy adult is having healthy relationships. You hope that he can accept that. There is a potential compromise here, as well. If you do go out with him and you see a future here, you could offer to get your son a new guitar teacher so that these worlds don’t continue to collide. I understand wanting to appease everyone around you, but you are also allowed to find joy for yourself, as well.  

DEAR NATALIE: My friend’s husband is a gynecologist. I couldn’t get in to see mine recently, so my friend said I should just go to her husband. While I thought it was a weird thing to do, I shrugged off my anxiety and went. Granted, I don’t know him very well at all, but I still felt awkward. Right after he was done with the exam he said to me, “Your girlfriend is a lucky lady.” I was totally, 100% weirded out, mortified and horrified. I got dressed quickly and ran out of there. I told my girlfriend and she was so mad. She said that he sexually harassed me and that I needed to tell someone. She told me I should also tell his wife that she married a creep. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know who I would tell. He works for a large hospital system but it’s just going to be my word against his. What should I do? –FREAKED OUT

DEAR FREAKED OUT: I am so sorry that this happened. Please know that it is not your fault. He is 100% to blame for his behavior. It also makes me wonder what other inappropriate things he has said and done to other patients through the years. I can’t tell you what to do here, but you could seek the advice of a lawyer and ask them what your options are. Before you speak to his hospital administrators or to his wife, I would find out what legal protections you may have. Outside of that, you may want to seek therapeutic support for yourself. What happened was unacceptable, predatory behavior.  You shouldn’t have to carry the burden of this aftermath. I don’t know if I would tell his wife what happened. Theoretically in a perfect world, you would tell her and she would dump that creep. But we all know reality is way more complicated than that. If you do tell her, prepare for her to take his side. But if you need to tell her for your own mental health, you should. Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: After 24 years of marriage, my husband came out to me. I knew something was off in our marriage for a long time, but I never imagined that he was in the closet. I feel incredibly betrayed, heartbroken and saddened by the whole thing. We have a beautiful daughter together, and she just graduated high school. I think he finally realized that since she is grown, he can’t live this lie anymore. There have been a lot of tears shed by all of us over this. My question for you is this: I want to move forward and remain a family. I don’t care that he is gay. He is my best friend and has been for decades. He told me that he wants me to find love, but I don’t want to ever date again. How could I? My brother tells me that I have to let him go. I’m just having a difficult time imagining my life as a single person. We do everything together – except have sex. I just don’t understand why our lives have to be turned upside down. Can’t he just have a fling on the side when he needs to? –NO NEED TO TEAR US APART

DEAR NO NEED TO TEAR US APART: You clearly love this man on a deep level. No one can take away all of the memories or years together. No one can take away the family you have built together. However, it is important to take note of the fact that since he wasn’t able to fully be himself, he needs to explore who he is outside of this marriage. He cannot do that if you are still living under the same roof. While you may not want to ever marry again, keeping you both in this cycle of codependency isn’t healthy for either of you. No one is saying that you can’t still be a family. Many divorced couples still vacation together, enjoy holidays together and experience life together. But, living together may not be something that he wants, and if you try to keep this dynamic alive, it will only breed resentment. Allow him to move forward as a single, gay man. Allow yourself to move forward as a single woman with a whole new adventure in front of her. Maybe it won’t include love. But who knows? Having a blank page to write on can seem incredibly scary – but also exhilarating.  This liberates you both. What do you want to experience at this point in your life? Embrace this new chapter. See how you feel in a year from now. Get a good therapist to help navigate this uncharted territory and allow space to breathe. What you have gone through would be a shock to anyone’s system. Good luck to you both! 

DEAR NATALIE: My ex-husband and I have been divorced for six years. Recently, we reconnected and have fallen back in love. You would think the family would be happy about this. We have three grown children and while two of them are being (somewhat) supportive, my youngest daughter is fully and loudly against us reconciling. I had an affair many years ago that unraveled our marriage. I was unhappy and so was my ex. My daughter is convinced that I’m going to break his heart again. While I understand her concern, it has been wonderful reconnecting at this stage of our lives. We are both older and know what we want. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and regret the affair. He and I have put the past behind us and are ready to move on. Why can’t she? –REKINDLED ROMANCE

DEAR REKINDLED ROMANCE: Kids – even grown kids – can be very protective and territorial over their parents. Because your relationship ended in heartbreak, it is no wonder that your daughter has reservations about you getting back together. It may be worth having a family meeting so that everyone can share their concerns and thoughts. Working with a family therapist who does this kind of mediation would be helpful so that you have an impartial third party there to keep the conversation on track. Your daughter may also have some resentment or frustration that she has harbored about this situation through the years. The affair didn’t just impact your marriage – it impacted all of your children, too. Acknowledge her feelings. Validate them. She has every right to be nervous about this reconciliation and may not want to get her hopes up. Allow her the space to process this in her own time, and in the meantime, set up a chance for everyone to come together to talk about what happened. I know it may be awkward, but clearing the air with your family may help in the healing process and allow everyone the chance to move forward in the spirit of togetherness.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My mother and I have had a very difficult relationship for most of my life. She was very abusive towards me and once I became an adult, I cut her out of my life. My dad contacted me a few nights ago – he and I still talk regularly and he is still married to my mother – and she is dying. He told me she has a very “aggressive cancer in her lungs” and the doctors aren’t giving her much time. He pleaded with me to “make things right” and that she is “very sad about our relationship.” I am not sad about it. I was assaulted regularly by this woman as a child, both physically and emotionally. I have no interest in her sob story. My husband said that I am being “cold” and worries I will regret not hearing from her one last time. I can’t stomach the thought of being in the same room with her. Why can’t everyone see that it is too painful for me to try and make amends? She had plenty of years to make it right. She never did. Why should I give her a chance now? –NO LOVE LOST

DEAR NO LOVE LOST: You have no obligation to “make things right.” You are the child. She is the adult. If she really wants to make amends, she can write a letter to you, acknowledging the pain she caused you and ask for your forgiveness. I am sorry to hear that she is dying, but if she hadn’t been – would she be trying to make amends? She has had many opportunities to pick up the phone and talk to you. You owe her nothing. I don’t subscribe to the idea that you must forgive someone who has harmed you. If it helps your healing process, then do it. But it is very clear from your letter that you have no interest in reconnecting with her. In fact, it sounds as though reconnecting with her may do you more harm than good. You are allowed to cut her out of your life and not look back. Don’t let anyone guilt you into speaking to her if you don’t want to. She created this dynamic. She can deal with the consequences. 

DEAR NATALIE: My son is six-years-old and loves to play dress up. He likes to wear my heels around the house and wear his sister’s dresses and tutus. Around the house, we don’t restrict his creativity. My husband and I don’t see any harm in this. But lately he’s been wanting to wear very flamboyant dresses outside of the house. We don’t allow this as we are worried that other kids will bully him. When we refuse to let him dress the way he wants to, he becomes unmanageable, throws tantrums and seems very depressed. We just don’t want him to be the target at school or in his play groups. Our friends are split on this. Some think we should let him do whatever he wants and others understand our concerns. I also don’t want to appear bigoted. I really just worry about his safety. Any thoughts on how to handle him? –TU TU MUCH

DEAR TU TU MUCH: I understand your concerns around your child being bullied but having the support of his parents and family is so important to the development of his self esteem and worth as he discovers who he is. We project so much of our own fears and insecurities onto our children. Imagine what would happen if parents encouraged the free expression of their children. What could that world look like? How would that change the way we view ourselves and each other? If he wants to play, let him play. If children are cruel to him, you may have to sit down with him and talk to him about it in a way he can understand. If you need support in how to do this, consult with a therapist who focuses on children and adolescents to gather more tools in your toolbox. Having the support of a loving family can make all the difference to a child. As parents, it can be a challenge to remember that our children aren’t supposed to be “mini” versions of us. They are their own people walking their own path. The best thing you can do is provide support, love and stability so that he can stand tall as he walks (or dances!) down the road of life.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.