DEAR NATALIE: I have been divorced for three years and have two teenage boys. My younger son, who’s 14, has taken to music. He is learning to play guitar and I found him a great teacher, whose name is Scott. Scott also happens to be divorced with a young daughter and is a great man. We have recently been talking more via text outside of just setting up my son’s lessons. He asked me out to dinner. I said yes and told both of my sons I was going with Scott just “as friends.” My older son was fine with it. My younger son, however, is very angry with me. He said it’s embarrassing that I’m going to date his teacher and doesn’t understand why I can’t be with someone else. I had a very messy divorce, and I know my kids are still reeling from that. But aren't I entitled to some joy, too? It’s hard to meet people – let alone people you actually connect with! How do I tell my son that while I don’t want to upset him, I need to live my life, too? –TOO MANY SACRIFICES
DEAR TOO MANY SACRIFICES: While I can understand your son’s perspective and concerns, you can’t let a teenager hold you hostage. If you go out with Scott on a few dates and there is a spark, you are allowed to follow that feeling. You can sit your son down and explain to him that part of being a healthy adult is having healthy relationships. You hope that he can accept that. There is a potential compromise here, as well. If you do go out with him and you see a future here, you could offer to get your son a new guitar teacher so that these worlds don’t continue to collide. I understand wanting to appease everyone around you, but you are also allowed to find joy for yourself, as well.
DEAR NATALIE: My friend’s husband is a gynecologist. I couldn’t get in to see mine recently, so my friend said I should just go to her husband. While I thought it was a weird thing to do, I shrugged off my anxiety and went. Granted, I don’t know him very well at all, but I still felt awkward. Right after he was done with the exam he said to me, “Your girlfriend is a lucky lady.” I was totally, 100% weirded out, mortified and horrified. I got dressed quickly and ran out of there. I told my girlfriend and she was so mad. She said that he sexually harassed me and that I needed to tell someone. She told me I should also tell his wife that she married a creep. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know who I would tell. He works for a large hospital system but it’s just going to be my word against his. What should I do? –FREAKED OUT
DEAR FREAKED OUT: I am so sorry that this happened. Please know that it is not your fault. He is 100% to blame for his behavior. It also makes me wonder what other inappropriate things he has said and done to other patients through the years. I can’t tell you what to do here, but you could seek the advice of a lawyer and ask them what your options are. Before you speak to his hospital administrators or to his wife, I would find out what legal protections you may have. Outside of that, you may want to seek therapeutic support for yourself. What happened was unacceptable, predatory behavior. You shouldn’t have to carry the burden of this aftermath. I don’t know if I would tell his wife what happened. Theoretically in a perfect world, you would tell her and she would dump that creep. But we all know reality is way more complicated than that. If you do tell her, prepare for her to take his side. But if you need to tell her for your own mental health, you should. Sometimes, the truth hurts.
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