DEAR NATALIE: At the beginning of our relationship, my partner shared with me that he has a terminal disease with very little time left. I love him and decided to enter into a relationship with him. (We had been in a relationship a long time ago but had lost touch). We have many problems because of his diagnosis in addition to his mental health issues, for which he is medicated. My question is this: Do I put up with his behavior because of his emotional and physical issues, or do I treat him as I would without these problems? I feel he weaponizes his ongoing problems, using them as an excuse for bad behavior, i. e. publicly embarrassing me, PDA, being selfish, raising his voice at me, etc.I just don't know how to handle these issues without him pointing out that he's dying! Help! – SEEKING SANITY

DEAR SEEKING SANITY: I am so sorry that you and your partner are going through such uncertain and tumultuous times together. Any illness takes a toll on an otherwise solid relationship – but throwing in mental health issues and a terminal diagnosis – it would make any relationship challenging. You need to seek therapy. Preferably both for yourself and for you and your partner together. It is OK to feel frustrated, guilty, angry with the situation, scared and overwhelmed. It is not OK for him to take his fears and frustrations out on you. Talk to him openly and honestly about where you are. Let him know that you love and care for him and that you would like to see a therapist together and individually to help navigate this uncharted territory. Regardless of whether he is willing to work on himself and your relationship, you should seek counseling on your own. There is so much to process here, and having more tools in your toolbox will only help strengthen your relationship, as well as your own mental health. I wish you luck and love. 

DEAR NATALIE: My close friend and I recently had a terrible falling out after 30-plus years of friendship. I have realized over the years that unless it is about her, she doesn’t seem to care. She doesn’t ask me about things going on in my life and doesn’t seem to know much. However, when she has an issue or needs support, she expects you at any moment to pick up the phone and be there for her. We got into a terrible argument on the phone, with me calling out her bad habits and her calling me “toxic” among other things. I hung up on her. A few days later, she sent me this vicious text message. I didn’t respond. And now she has sent me an apology text. More like a book. I haven’t responded. After how she treated me, I don’t feel like there’s anything to say. My sister says I should hear her out after such a long time as friends. But what friend screams at their friend on the phone and writes them such horrible things? I don’t know if I want to move forward with this friendship. What do you think? – FRIENDSHIP DOWN THE DRAIN

DEAR FRIENDSHIP DOWN THE DRAIN: The demise of a long term friendship can be difficult to mourn because you aren’t just mourning the relationship but how that relationship defined a portion of your life. When you reflect back, the specific time frame can create a sense of nostalgia and wistfulness which are hard to let go of. But the reality is – in the here and now – would you be friends with this person? Put your history aside. Would you be friends with someone who can’t look outside of themselves, who is careless with your friendship, who refuses to look at things from a different perspective? Would you be friends with someone who resorts to name calling when they are held accountable for their behavior? If the answer is, “NO,” then you may want to sit with that for a while. While I believe in second chances, it sounds as though there isn’t much to hold onto. Leave it be for now. If she circles back in a month or a few months from now truly remorseful, then consider having a conversation. But if over those months you realize your life is fine without her, the question remains: Why invite the negativity back in? You can wish her well – and from a distance. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My wife developed a bit of a drinking problem during Covid. She was dealing with a lot of anxiety. Both of her parents contracted the disease early on and her father died from it. She is an only child so the burden has been on her to take care of her mother. We also have two small kids, ages 5 and 8, which adds a whole other dimension of stress. I’m worried about her because I’ve noticed her withdrawing more and drinking at least one bottle of wine every night while we watch television before bed. Whenever I have confronted her, she becomes so angry with me. She tells me to “stop policing her” and “recognize that I need to help her more.” But I don’t know what else I can do to help? We both work full-time. I watch our kids as much as possible, deal with all the chores around the house and run errands for her mother. I don’t know what else to do. Any advice? –SCARED WIFE

DEAR SCARED WIFE: You may need to look for some support on your own in order to deal with what you are going through. She may be self-medicating because she hasn’t had a chance to properly grieve all that has been lost during the pandemic. It isn’t fair to you to have to shoulder this immense burden. I recommend you seek support through a therapist who works with families dealing with addiction. You could also try Al-Anon. This is a support system for people who are worried about others in their lives who have experiencing issues with substance abuse. They may be able to provide in-roads to help you navigate these murky waters. The reason I am suggesting formal support systems is because while you may think you are “helping” your wife, you could be enabling this issue. Do what you can to support yourself. Listen and utilize the tools they provide you so that you can work with your family to find a way forward that is healthy and constructive. Good luck to you.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband has never been very affectionate. I knew that when I signed up to marry him. But lately, I feel as though he has pushed me away completely. When he’s done after work, we don’t talk. He just sits in his office “playing video games” only to emerge to eat dinner. He just turns right around and goes back to his office. I’ve asked him if I could play with him – trying to engage him to hangout with me – but he locks the door. Do you think that something else is going on? My friends are wondering if he is addicted to something other than video games. Could he be having an affair? I’ve never confronted him about it because he has a pretty bad temper. But I feel as though we are drifting apart and I’m not sure what to do about it. Any ideas on how to navigate this? –ALONE AND MARRIED

DEAR ALONE AND MARRIED: I would be concerned, as well, if my partner was locking themselves in a room for hours at a time and I wasn’t allowed in. The not-knowing is what would bother me. It could be a lot of things. It could be video games. It could be internet porn. It could be an affair. It could be nothing. Whatever is going on, it isn’t fair or healthy for you to be in this relationship alone. It also can’t be fun for him to be in this dynamic, either. Since confronting him could trigger his temper and put you in harm’s way, you may have to ask yourself this question: Is this marriage worth saving? If he has locked you out – literally and emotionally – what are you doing? This may be a time to consult with an attorney and see what your options are. While you’re at it, reach out to a therapist who is well-versed in abusive relationships. There are ways to extract yourself from this situation if you choose to leave. But regardless of that, you deserve to be safe in your home with someone who cares about you. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I have been together for six years. In that time, we have talked about bringing another woman into our bed but we’ve never acted on it. Well, she went out of town this past weekend with some friends on a girls’ trip. While away, her friend texted me and said that she was being “flirty” with some woman she met. I wasn’t worried about her flirting. Then, her friend sent me pictures of my wife making out with (I’m assuming) the same woman. She told me that my wife “never came back to the hotel room that night.” Since my wife has been home, she hasn’t said a word to me about this. I asked her how the trip was. She said it was “fun.” Apparently, it was a lot of fun. I’m not going to divorce her over this, but I do feel as though I should know what happened. It’s the lying that is causing me to feel angry with her. Should I confront her? This, of course, means throwing her friend under the bus. Any ideas? –ANNOYED HUSBAND

DEAR ANNOYED HUSBAND: Two things stood out to me while reading this. 1. How quickly her friend “tattled” on her. 2. How nonchalant your wife acted about the whole thing. This probably isn’t the first time she has kissed-and-not-told. However, if you keep this bottled up, it will only create resentment in your marriage, breed suspicion and increase emotional distance. While you may feel as though you are throwing your wife’s friend under the bus, she did send you texts and photos. Try approaching your wife like this: “I know you said that you had ‘fun’ this weekend with your friends. Your friend (insert her name here) seemed to imply that you had a LOT of fun. I’m not mad, but I’m hurt that you are hiding things from me. I just want you to be honest with me and then we can work through it. I love you. This distance between us will only grow if you don’t share with me what is happening.” See what she says in response. If she becomes defensive and refuses to give any information, you can either press harder, mentioning what her friend said to you specifically – or drop it. If you press harder, be prepared to have to confront what is going on with her. If you drop it, be prepared to feel some level of resentment towards her. I don’t recommend that path because it will build over time. You have every right to feel loved and respected in your relationship. You are allowed to be upset and you are allowed to share how you feel. You also need clear boundaries to establish what you consider cheating and what she considers cheating. You may not be on the same page. I hope you can work it out. 

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter-in-law isn’t exactly the most thoughtful person on the planet. She forgot my birthday this year, even though it was a milestone. I turned 60 and my other children all gathered for dinner at a restaurant. My son and my daughter-in-law showed up late. Without a present. Without an apology. She said they were “running around all day with the kids.” Well, all my kids have kids. I feel as though she brings out the most selfish, inconsiderate side to my son. It angers me. Should I say something to her or hold it in? I feel like if I hold it in I will explode. I’m just tired of her rude behavior. Any suggestions on how to deal with her in a way that doesn’t push her or my son away? -MOM ISN’T HAPPY

DEAR MOM ISN’T HAPPY: I’m so sorry that your daughter-in-law and son weren’t very considerate towards you on your birthday. It can be so frustrating when you see bad behavior and feel as though you can’t call it out – especially when it is your own kids. Now that the smoke has cleared, you may want to call her. Let her know that you were hurt by her and your son for not showing up on time or apologizing. They may have been preoccupied, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt your feelings. You are allowed to be upset and you are allowed to express that. Then, drop it and move on. Holding a grudge or letting it fester won’t do anyone any good. Speak your mind and hope they learn for the future. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.