DEAR NATALIE: My sister and I get along great. However, she and her husband copy everything my boyfriend and I do. It’s so annoying. If my boyfriend and I mention anything we do or anywhere we go, my sister and her husband go and do the exact same thing. They want to live in the same neighborhood where we live, golf where we golf (even though it is very out of their way) and eat where we eat. They traveled where we’ve traveled and stayed at the exact same hotel as us. They want to use our realtor. What’s even worse is that they act like some of our good friends that they’ve only met once or twice are “great friends of theirs,” as well. I know imitation is a form of flattery and they’re probably just trusting our judgement, but it's annoying when my boyfriend and I do months of research and they just sweep in after us. It’s like they’re using us because we’ve already done the hard work for them. We love doing things with them, but we would like to keep little things just for us. I know we can’t gate-keep these things but It’s gotten to the point where we don’t even want to tell them any plans we have. How do I address this?– SOMETHING TO CALL MY OWN

DEAR SOMETHING TO CALL MY OWN: There may be some things you need to keep offline, off the radar and to yourselves if you really want to have something of your own. It does seem like they are just enamored with your life choices! But I can also see how this would be annoying after a while. I don’t think it is worth having a conversation with your sister, though. It will most likely cause hurt feelings and ruffle feathers – and for what? Instead, accept it as flattering, and don’t share everything you do for a while. See if that helps to create more of a natural boundary. This isn’t worth fighting about.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently moved in with my girlfriend and I absolutely hate living together. I didn’t realize what it would be like. We’ve been together three years and with the pandemic, we spent a lot of time together. It just made sense to get a bigger place together. I love her. But I feel completely suffocated. Part of the issue is that we work for the same company and we both work at home. We never have any time apart. She doesn’t appear to be bothered by it, but I feel like the walls are caving in on me. She’s also really messy – and I’m much more organized – so I am also tired of picking up after her or doing all the dishes or cleaning up after the dog. Is there any way to back out of this without causing a breakup? — DIRTY DISHES ARE A DEALBREAKER

DEAR DIRTY DISHES ARE A DEALBREAKER: If you don’t like living together, why not sit down first before you do anything drastic and tell her how you are feeling. I hear that you are feeling overwhelmed, suffocated and frustrated. It seems as though some of this tension can be remedied if you share what you need now that you are living together. You could start the conversation by saying, “Now that we have moved in together, I’m noticing some things that I wanted to address so that we can both feel good about this arrangement.” This way, you aren’t being accusatory. If the chores aren’t being divided in a way that is healthy for you both, naturally resentment will build up. If you need space and time apart, that is healthy and normal. Address these issues together before you make any rash decisions. Who knows? She may be feeling similarly and afraid to talk about it. Take the next step in a way that puts you both on the same team and not as adversaries in the same house.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My wonderful (and much older) husband of over 20 years has two grown children who are so ungrateful and stingy with him that neither of them sent him a card, gift, or even called him on Christmas this year. He has been exceptionally generous with them over the years and they owe their wealth to him.  Their "love" for him boils down to money and if they don't think he gave them enough of it, they let him know.  His eldest has even threatened to sue him, sending several demand letters from their attorney, because they felt that they were due more from the sale of a house that my husband owned. I know it hurts him to realize that they are consumed with concern over his money and are probably just waiting for him to pass away.  He has set up insurance policies and irrevocable trusts for them so they know that their bad behavior will not affect their inheritance because it is ground in stone.  I have never heard him raise his voice or express anger towards them, but I think it is time for him to do so. I have never said anything to them as my hands are tied because they are technically not my kids. They have never recognized me as a stepmother.  Do you think that he should call them out on this, maybe raise his voice, or stop communicating with them until they discontinue the poor behavior and drop lawsuits? – GRINCHES WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS

DEAR GRINCHES WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS: I appreciate how protective you are for your husband. But this is his battle. If he doesn’t want to yell – and at his age that may be for the best – you may just have to let this go. His kids sound horrible. There is no debating that! But his reaction to them may be layered. Perhaps he wasn’t as present as he wanted to be when they were younger. He may feel guilt. He may feel sad that he didn’t have a connection with them. This, in turn, may be why he stays silent even though his heart breaks. At this point in their relationship, I doubt anything will change. The best thing that you can do is to remind him of how loved he is, how much you care about him and shield him from his kids’ venom whenever possible. If having less contact with them is appropriate, then do that. He’s not under any obligation to give them lavish gifts while he is alive – especially since they have been written into the will. But it is his choice. It can be difficult to see someone you love being treated poorly but starting a fight with him over this will only alienate him further. I would just avoid talking about them and keep the focus on positive things. The rest is up to them. 

DEAR NATALIE: Our son recently asked an older twice-divorced woman with three small children to go “steady.”  My husband and I raised our son to be caring and thoughtful. He is a great person but has not had luck in past relationships. We are not happy with his decision to be with this woman and have expressed our thoughts to him. He has respectfully apologized but says that it's his choice.  We would be more accepting if she had less children, and our son has always said he didn’t want children.  We are sad that his dreams and goals have changed since his last break up. He did not finish college as planned and is just satisfied working in the same place that this new woman works. We are cautious in not pushing our disagreement with his situation, because his last broken relationships left him depressed. But we feel he has not made a good choice in dating this woman and could end up emotionally scarred. He is living on his own and visits us once a week without her for he knows we do not want to have a relationship with her.  Are we wrong in our thoughts and actions? What would be the correct reaction from us? — AT A LOSS

DEAR AT A LOSS: I don’t think parents can ever stop being parents. They always want what is best for their kids, no matter the age. In this case, protecting him may actually just drive him further into her arms. You should meet her. He may feel as though he has to hide big parts of his life from you right now, creating distance between you that doesn’t need to be there. You don’t have to like who he is with, but you need to respect his autonomy. He is going to work where he wants, date who he wants and live how he chooses. As parents, all you can do is provide him support, love and understanding. If things don’t work out, he is lucky to have you both to be there for him. But don’t use his past relationships to judge the present one. If she makes him happy and treats him with respect and with love, what else really matters?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend of three years decided that his New Year’s resolution would be a clean break from our relationship. He said that he hasn’t been happy for months and wanted “to clear the air.” I am really hurt. Also, we have a dog and two cats and he wants to keep all of the animals with him. Not only did he spring this break-up on me, but now he wants to have all the pets, too? When I told him I wanted to share the animals, he told me, “that would be weird.” Well, I think it’s weird that he thinks he can just have whatever he wants, however he wants. I’m so disgusted. My friends are telling me to just move out and move on, but our pets are like my children. I can’t and won’t just abandon them. Any ideas on how to deal with the real dog in this situation and get my pets back, too? – RUFF TIME

DEAR RUFF TIME: Just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore doesn’t mean he gets to dictate the terms of the breakup. This all sounds like he is on a power trip, too. What I would first figure out is who paid for the animals? Who took care of them primarily? Did one of you favor the cats over the dog? Did one of you have the animal/s prior to the relationship? Start there as a way to deal with this. For example, if he had the dog before you were together, he probably has a good case for keeping it. But, if you bought the animals together, you may have to make a choice as to who keeps which pets. Maybe the cats should stay together? Maybe the dog goes with one of you and the cats with the other? Sharing custody of them probably won’t work well if you aren’t getting along – and it sounds as though you aren’t. Plus, animals do better in a stable environment and may not fare well being shuffled back and forth to different locations each week or month. He has to meet you halfway unless he had them all before you got together. On the other hand, a clean break may be what is in your best interest, too. Maybe getting a new pet that is all your own is a good solution. But, if that feels too sad to think about leaving yours behind, try to work it through first. He may realize having three pets to take care of on his own isn’t as fun as he thinks and will give in and compromise.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have had a rocky few years in our marriage. He cheated on me early on but we went to therapy and worked through it. We now have a beautiful son and I would like to try for another baby this year. He told me he was on board with this several months ago, but lately he has been acting as though he has no interest in having another child. I am worried that he is disconnecting and slipping into old patterns. I have found myself checking his phone when he isn’t around. While I haven’t found any evidence that he is cheating again, I have this nagging feeling that I can’t shake. Something is off. Whenever I bring it up, he says, “you can’t punish me forever.” I’m not trying to make his life hell, but I also don’t know what could have changed that suddenly he doesn’t want a second child. Any ideas on how to handle this? — OLD HABITS DIE HARD

DEAR OLD HABITS DIE HARD: Bringing another baby into this situation may not be in either of your best interests. He may not feel on solid ground right now and that is why he is hesitating on having another child together. Children present challenges – even in the very best of times. If you aren’t feeling strong together, this may be a time to check in with a therapist and work through some of these feelings and issues. There is nothing wrong with reaching out for support. While I agree with him that “you can’t punish him forever” that also is a deflection. Did he actually answer any concerns you have around his recent behavior? Has he elaborated and explained why he doesn’t want to have another baby right now? It isn’t fair to you to be kept in the dark. Take this day by day for right now until you can get to the heart of the matter. Trusting again after  infidelity takes time. Some couples never recover. Others do, but you can’t be expected to just forget what happened – even if you managed to forgive.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Check out her web series:

“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.