DEAR NATALIE: I proposed to my girlfriend on Christmas Eve during a romantic dinner. Her whole family was there. It was perfect. And then – she said “no.” It was horrible. We didn’t speak on Christmas and then she texted me the next day saying she was really sorry and that she has had time to think and does want to marry me. But I have no idea if I should move forward with this or not. I mean, her visceral reaction was ‘NO.’ Should I even think for a second that she really wants to marry? I’m just not sure it’s a good idea if she is already getting cold feet. – NO IS NO
DEAR NO IS NO: You should at least hear her out. Maybe she was just overwhelmed and surprised. Maybe she has conflicting feelings about marriage as an institution. Perhaps she did get cold feet. Whatever the reason, find out why. You both deserve to hear each other’s perspectives and see if there is a way forward. You proposed because you love her and want to spend your life with her. You owe yourself the truth. Then, you can make a more informed decision without emotions running hot.
DEAR NATALIE: My husband is the worst-gift giver. It’s like he purposefully ignores my requests and instead gets me what “he thinks” I will like – which I never do. It always turns into a big thing with hurt feelings all around. So this year, he gave me cash. Just straight up cash. I was really insulted. It’s like he wanted to rub it in my face that he doesn’t care. We got into a big argument. All I wanted from him was just an acknowledgment of my feelings and to think about me when he picked out a gift. Or better yet – just LISTEN to what I share and pick a gift that way. He doesn’t understand why I am angry with him. We haven’t spoken much since Christmas. Any ideas on how to get back on track? I love him, of course, but I'm not sure why he doesn’t know me. —CASH AIN’T CUTTING IT
DEAR CASH AIN’T CUTTING IT: Cash doesn't exactly scream “from the heart,” does it? It comes off rather passive aggressive on his end. I can understand why you would be upset, but I would at least try to resolve this. Make a list of things you want to share before talking to him so that you can stay on track. Explain how you feel and why cash wasn’t exactly the romantic gift you were hoping for. If he throws his hands up in frustration, why not just share with him a list of four or five items you want for next year? Then he can pick one or two of them to give you. Now before you say, “But I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him. He should know. He should listen,” remember how you feel in this moment. People don’t always live up to our expectations. They don’t always figure it out. This may just be something that remains unresolved. So why torture yourself and him every year? Make a list, check it twice and call it a day.
Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to
asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter
@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci
Check out her NEW web series:
“Heating Up Show” on YouTube.