DEAR NATALIE: My friend’s wife hit on me the other night. It was just the four of us. My wife loves to cook and she was in the kitchen most of the evening. My friend’s wife drove separately — she was coming from work — and arrived before her husband. When she arrived, she smelled like she had been drinking. I offered her some water and she got really close to me and said, “What else are you offering?” She then started to tell me how her husband — my friend — doesn’t satisfy her. Luckily my wife came into the room with appetizers. Then her husband arrived and she acted like nothing happened. I don’t know if I should tell my wife. I don’t know if I should tell her husband. I don’t know what to do. It was extremely uncomfortable. I told my friend at work and he thought it was funny. I don’t think it’s funny. What do you think I should do? --NO LAUGHING MATTER
DEAR NO LAUGHING MATTER: This is an awkward situation to say the least. Considering she may have been drinking, she may or may not remember saying those things to you. So, if you confront her, she may just turn it around and say that you are lying or that you are trying to come onto her. If she does remember what she said to you, she may just want to forget the whole thing ever happened or blame it on alcohol. I don’t know what kind of dynamic you and your wife have, but you may want to tell her what happened. If she finds out another way, she may be upset that you didn’t say anything. You can preface it by saying: “This happened the other night and I’ve just been trying to process it myself which is why I didn’t tell you sooner…” Then let her now what happened. She may have some insights. Do I think it’s worth telling her husband and blowing up her marriage? No. Not this time. But if it happens again, you may need to pull her aside at that point — when she’s sober! — and find out what is really going on here. No one wants to be in the middle of a marital meltdown, and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable. You are allowed to set a boundary.
DEAR NATALIE: Living with my partner during the pandemic brought us to the brink of divorce. We are working through our issues in couples’ therapy, but I don’t think it is really working. Recently, my ex has been reaching out to me, and we went to dinner the other night together. He had dumped me many years ago for his now ex-husband. It was really nice to be back together again. We are in different places than we were when we were younger and the chemistry was still there. He kissed me goodnight and now I feel terrible. I don’t want to cheat on my husband, but I also don’t want to close the door on this new potential chapter. What do you think I should do? —IN LIMBO
DEAR IN LIMBO: You have to be honest with yourself first about what you want. If you don’t want to cheat on your husband, then pump the brakes on seeing your ex until you figure out what it is that you want — or don’t want — from your marriage. If you aren’t interested in staying married, then work through that before you dive headfirst into a new relationship. Even though it was a long time ago, your ex did break your heart once before. Make sure you are looking at this through a lens of clarity and not through rose-colored glasses or nostalgia about what was and what could have been.
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