DEAR NATALIE: I slept with this guy on the first date. Not my proudest moment; I got pretty drunk at the bar when we went out the other night and stumbled back to my place. You know the rest. Anyway, he didn’t call me afterwards and my friend said it was because I was acting “too easy” and “now he won’t see me as girlfriend material.” I’m not sure I even want to be his girlfriend, but I would like to see him again. What should I do? If I call or text him first, do I look desperate? It’s been a few days and no word from him. Should I just let it go? -GIVING IT AWAY

DEAR GIVING IT AWAY: There are no rules when it comes to when and if and how you share your sexuality with someone. The only thing you have to keep in mind is that your expectations after the fact may not be in line with your partner’s. In this case, it seems as though you were hoping for a follow up action from him, and he hasn’t given that to you. So, now you have two options. Either reach out to him or don’t. But regardless of what you decide, please don’t let your friend’s ridiculous comments get in your head. I would be mindful of getting drunk around men you don’t know because they may try to harm you or push you into things you weren’t consenting to do. Regardless, if he is the kind of guy thinks you were “easy” why would you want to entertain seeing him again? Doesn’t that make him “easy,” too? Why are we giving him the power here? Anyone who tries to use your sexuality as a weapon against you doesn’t deserve another minute of your time. Reach out to him if and only if you want to because it’s your choice. Not because you feel as though you have to prove something. 

DEAR NATALIE: As we all know, the pandemic has made everyone’s finances feel rather unstable. Recently, my husband was laid off because his office downsized due to Covid-19. On the other hand, my business is booming. He has become moody lately and not interested in having much sex with me. I keep telling myself he’s just depressed about losing his job, but every now and then he will make a snide comment about what I do for a living. I’m not sure how to handle him right now. I love him, of course, but he is being really difficult. Any advice on how to help him through this rough patch? —PUNISHED FOR SUCCESS

DEAR PUNISHED FOR SUCCESS:The pandemic has taken a toll on so many lives in so many ways, but for some people, the past 16 months have been good financially. Why should you shrink your successes down just because your husband is feeling inadequate? I’m certainly not suggesting that you rub anything in his face, but if he is lashing out at you for what is going on with him professionally, that is unfair to you and to your relationship. Being married -- or in a committed partnership -- means building each other up and also supporting each other through the tough times. He is clearly going through it right now and I’m sure having you by his side means a lot whether he can admit that or not. But, if he continues to berate and belittle you, please let him know that it is hurtful. You don’t deserve to be emotionally abused just because he is having a tough time. Support him as best you can, but also protect your space from his negativity. You deserve to shine.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I have reconnected with my old boyfriend from college after 20-plus years. During that time, we both married. He is divorced and has two kids that are in college now. I married and lost my husband to cancer six years ago. We had one daughter who is in high school. My college sweetheart was the “one that got away” in a lot of ways. I often wondered what happened to him and if he was happy. He found me on Facebook a few months ago and we have started to chat. He lives out of state but we have fallen right back into love it seems. My daughter is unhappy about this -- I don’t think she understands how lonely I’ve been since my husband died. I feel this new lease on life and I feel guilty because of that. Do you think it is possible to have a second chance at love with your first love? At the time, we were just kids and not ready but I think we really are in a different place now. What do you think? Is this just a pipe dream or do you think people can come back together if the timing works? -SECOND CHANCES

DEAR SECOND CHANCES: Isn’t love grand? Isn’t it seriously amazing how it can find you? You never know what is around the corner and that is what makes life so terrifying and amazing all at once. I get giddy when I receive letters like this because it reinforces the idea that love is for everyone. No matter the stage of life, no matter the circumstances, it can find you. And in this case, it seems like it has found you again. What a gift to reconnect with someone who knew you so intimately when you were this younger woman and who is wanting to get to know you in this present moment. I do think it is possible to have a second chance at love with someone you knew long ago. In fact, if you are coming back together now, it could either serve as a new chapter, or to close the first one. Either way, it is powerful and romantic. I am sorry that your daughter is having a hard time with this, but it may be worth sitting down and discussing it with her openly and honestly. Express to her that you feel lonely sometimes and that her dad wouldn’t want you to be alone forever. Share with her that no one can ever replace her father and that you aren’t trying to do that. You are just looking for someone to share experiences with and enjoy life together. She may need some words of reassurance. Remind her that as she moves along on her journey, you are always there for her, but that life is made up of chapters. This may be a new one for you and you hope she can keep an open mind and heart. This is your moment. Don’t worry it away.

DEAR NATALIE: My 10-year-old son is suffering from severe anxiety brought on by his fears around school and Covid-19. I tell my husband that he is too young to be watching the news with him, but they are glued to the computer most afternoons when they are together. My husband works from home and he is online all day long. My son is scared now to go to school and is afraid of getting sick and dying. He is seeing all these images of kids with Covid and when I try to explain to him that it is a rare thing for kids to get sick, he doesn’t believe me. What’s worse, some of his friends’ parents are anti-vaxxers and so he is afraid to hang out with his friends. He stays at home a lot and I think it’s making him depressed. He has no issue wearing a mask -- none of his friends do and they wear them too without question -- but I am really worrying about his mental health. Do you have any thoughts on how we can better support our kids right now? —FEELING HELPLESS

DEAR FEELING HELPLESS: I can’t even imagine how scary the world would seem right now to a 10-year-old. This is an age where they start to become very concerned about rules and societal order. To see the world unfolding the way that it is -- and to feel that adults are not protecting them -- would be anxiety-inducing. While I agree with you that he shouldn’t be watching so much news in order to help reduce his anxiety, we all know that kids are going to find out information one way or another. Instead, it might be worth sitting him down and have him write out his top five questions about the pandemic. Then, you can work on answering them together. This may help him to feel empowered and teach him how to research. If you sit with him, you can guide him along, using reputable and age-appropriate materials. If he is comfortable being outside with his friends while wearing masks, that may be another good compromise because children need to socialize. You are right. He may be depressed because he isn’t interacting with his friends and also because he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. There are also activities that you could do that help others -- like volunteering at a community garden or fostering a pet to help ground him. Speaking of grounding, you can do fun activities to reduce anxiety like cooking, stretching and taking nature walks. Finding ways to connect in tangible ways and keeping him off line as much as possible can help reduce his fears overall. Watching a funny show or movie before bed or reading a good book together may help, as well. Hugs are the best, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I’m afraid I’m becoming bitter towards relationships. I’ve been single for a while now and having a much harder time dating in my early 40s than I did in my 20s or 30s. I was married and divorced before I was 30 and have been dating ever since. But dating is rough. It feels like there is more pressure and more at stake now that I’m older. I don’t want to live alone, but I also have a hard time letting people in. After a string of bad breakups, I find myself feeling angry about my lack of a love life. My divorced really was horrible. My friends keep trying to set me up but I’m burned out. Any advice on how to get out of this mental rut around dating? -BITTER BETTY

DEAR BITTER BETTY: Maybe just take a step back and a deep breath. It sounds as though you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and I can’t honestly tell if this is even what you want from the letter you wrote. Perhaps part of the reason you are irritated with relationships is because you are irritated by the unneeded stress and the energy it is sucking out of you. Instead, why not date yourself for a while. Get comfortable with being alone and find out what it is you really want from your life. Can you commit to six months of just enjoying your own company? I’m not saying to turn away from romance should it find you, but sometimes letting go of expectations and redirecting your energy is what needs to happen for things to shift. Make space for some joy in your life. You also may not have given yourself time to heal after your divorce and then having some bad breakups afterwards solidified your negative feelings about relationships. Reset. See what happens when you enjoy solitude, time with your friends and family, instead. You may be surprised how differently you feel this time next year. 

DEAR NATALIE: I was dating someone for about two months and decided to break things off with her. I am really uncomfortable with confrontation, so I sent her a text. She was so angry about this and left me a voicemail calling me a coward. She has proceeded to tell all of our friends (we have a lot of friends in common) what I did. A lot of them are annoyed with me now. Should I call her and apologize? I don't want to get back together but now I’m worried that she’s turning everyone against me. —BAD BREAKER UPPER

DEAR BAD BREAKER UPPER: After two months of being together, I definitely think she deserved more than a text message. I can understand her frustration and why she would be angry with you. Considering you roll in the same circles, it seems like you should have been prepared for the backlash from your friends. To smooth things over, ask to meet her in person and tell her that you are sorry for breaking up with her that way. Explain to her what you just said to me: You are uncomfortable with breakups and felt very awkward. While this doesn’t make up for how you treated her, maybe understanding why you acted the way that you did will remove any anxiety she had about her role in this. Moving forward, view this as a life lesson. Treat others how you want to be treated, even during a breakup. Give people respect and perhaps everyone won’t turn against you next time.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci