DEAR NATALIE: I recently got engaged after waiting a long time for my boyfriend to propose. We went to look at rings the other day and I found one that I really liked. It was a bit out of his price range. I told him I wanted that specific ring. He turned to me and said, “If you want that ring, you need to buy it yourself.” It turned into a big argument in the store. I was mortified that he would say that to me. I should not have to buy my own ring, and he never should have said that to me. What should I do? He has shown me options of what he can afford and I don’t want them. So now what? —BRING ME THE BLING

DEAR BRING ME THE BLING: It is concerning that there seems to be a disconnect for you between the ring and the future marriage. This isn’t about the size of a gemstone. This is about a promise made between two people to stand by each other through thick and through thin. The ring is a symbol of that promise. If you’re already starting out with conditions on the ring, then it follows that there will be conditions on that promise, as well. I would take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. Do you want to start your marriage with this level of financial stress? Recognize that starting a new phase of a relationship where someone may be in debt may set you up for unrealistic expectations moving forward. He may also feel resentful, as well. Instead, I would suggest that you approach this collaboratively. If there is a ring that you want that is out of his price range, offer to chip in to make up the difference. If you aren’t willing or able to do that, then you may need to decide what is more important: This specific ring or your relationship. If you can’t find a way to compromise now, how do you expect to do so when life throws you real curveballs? And spoiler alert: It will.

DEAR NATALIE: Because of the pandemic, my husband and I experienced some major financial turmoil this year. We are both now working multiple jobs to make ends meet -- and some months they still don’t -- which leaves us very little time to see each other. There is just one day a week where we do find a little time together, but the household chores pile up. We just need a break and there isn’t one. What can we do to connect with one another? This is really taking a toll on our relationship. —PANDEMIC SPIRAL

DEAR PANDEMIC SPIRAL: I appreciate you reaching out to me and being so honest and candid about your experience during the pandemic. Many of our friends and neighbors continue to struggle to put food on the table during this challenging time with little to no support. Stagnating wages have also contributed to systemic issues including poverty that could be remedied but haven’t been to this point. I say all of this because so often people are told to “pick themselves up by their bootstraps” or to “work harder.” It is not always so easy or so simple. I see you and acknowledge your struggle. Having to work multiple jobs is exhausting and then to not see your partner on top of that would be depressing. As for the household chores — let them pile up. If it is a choice between dishes in this sink or taking a few hours to unwind and watch a movie together, choose that instead. Any moment you can cherish, take it. I would also try to sit down and look at your schedules together. Is there a chance that you could get someone to change shifts with you so that you can open up a window of time to rest or be together? If you think someone at work might be able to, it could be worth asking. Also, while so many jobs are paid hourly and therefore don’t include vacation, personal or sick days, if there is an opportunity to take a paid day off, see if you can coordinate it with your partner. If you can’t afford to take a day off or that isn’t an option, then look for those pockets of time where you can be together until you can figure out your next steps.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé’s ex-wife will not acknowledge me. I have been with him for over four years and most likely we will be getting married soon. We were waiting until things eased up with the pandemic to make plans. She literally won’t say hello to me whenever I see her. I see her often because they share custody of their two daughters. I think it really irritates her that the girls like me and that we get along so well. I also think she is annoyed because she wants to dislike me but really hasn’t found any reasons to be mean to me. So she is mostly passive aggressive. My fiancé just tells me to ignore her but it really upsets me that she doesn’t like me. How can I get her to move past this? She left him, so I don’t understand her problem. Any ideas on how to get her to like me or at least acknowledge that I’m in this family, too?

--JUST LIKE ME ALREADY

DEAR JUST LIKE ME ALREADY: Like my mom would say: “Just kill them with kindness.” You can’t “make” this woman like you. This is a tangled web and even though she left him, she may be feeling territorial even after all of this time. She could be  resentful that he isn’t carrying a torch for her, anymore. Perhaps she is mad that he moved on with someone that is so likable. The reasons are endless but you don’t need to go down that rabbit hole. Instead, just continue to show up for his kids, be friendly and polite to her and enjoy your life. She may be a part of it, but she doesn’t need to occupy any space inside your mind. At the end of the day, time heals and who knows? She may come around.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend lost both of her parents to Covid-19 this past year in a short amount of time. I know she is really grieving and still in shock. I feel so terribly for her and want to help cheer her up. Since the CDC has come out with their new guidelines about masks and being vaccinated, I told her I wanted to take her to a resort for a girls’ trip which is just a short plane ride from us. She snapped at me and told me how insensitive I was. She said that the idea of being around a bunch of people without masks who are acting like this year didn’t happen is disgusting to her and she wants nothing to do with it. She is making it really difficult to be there for her right now. Do you have any suggestions on how to make her feel better? I know this has been a horrible year, but she can’t just wallow forever. --PLEASE HELP MY FRIEND

DEAR PLEASE HELP MY FRIEND: Saying that “she can’t just wallow forever” when she has had less than a year to grieve both of her parents is painting a picture that you want her to be over this because it is cramping your fun. In actuality, grief is not linear, it does not just go away when you want it to, and you can’t “make” someone feel better when they are dealing with such life-altering loss. The fact is that your friend has now lost both of her parents to a terrible disease. She may be feeling bitter that she couldn’t have the type of funeral that she wanted and needed to have for them. She may be feeling hurt and emotionally abandoned. She may be feeling rage and uncontrollable sadness. While your intentions were good, suggesting that she needs to move on is insensitive and callous. Instead, take a step back and look at the bigger picture here. She may not want to be around a bunch of maskless people having fun right now at a resort. Did you ask her what she would want to do? Did you ask her what she needs? Maybe a glass of wine or a cup of tea and conversation is more in order. Maybe a walk through a nature reserve or a park. Perhaps bring over her favorite meal and watch a movie together. Give her space and time to process what is going on because most likely she is still in a bit of shock and reeling from what has happened. The fact that the CDC is lifting regulations so abruptly may make her feel left behind. There is this attitude in the air right now that people should just get back to it, but we have a lot to still sort out and process as a society. Give her that space and let her know that you care, you are here for her and that you just want to be someone that she can lean on. The resort can wait.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I recently got married and was at my sister-in-law’s birthday dinner at her home last weekend when things got out of hand. We were all pretty drunk. My wife fell asleep in the guest bedroom and my sister-in-law and I ended up messing around. I know this is absolutely horrible. I am hating myself for what happened. My sister-in-law is totally disgusted by what we did, and we have both vowed to keep this secret between us. But, now, things are really uncomfortable. What do I do? Should I tell my wife? We seriously just got married and it will destroy her. I feel awful. I love her. I have no interest in her sister. I don’t know what I was thinking. — BAD DECISION

DEAR BAD DECISION: To cheat on your new wife is bad enough. But to do it with her sister? This is just another level. I don’t see how both of you can keep this secret forever. Things are already uncomfortable and awkward. Eventually, one of you may crack and that could make this way worse if you go further and further down the road with this lie hanging over your heads. Some people may say to carry this to the grave. But that depends on if you can do that. I wouldn’t take that chance. If she finds out another way other than from the two of you, she may truly be devastated and unable to salvage a relationship with either of you. My other concern is this: What if you both get drunk again and this becomes a little thing to do on the side from time to time? You are playing a very dangerous game. Having a secret is a bond of intimacy. The more time that bond has to solidify — well — it could cause other issues down the road. If she did this with your sibling or relative, would you want to know? Would you want all the information on the table? It isn’t fair to do this to her and then hold this secret. What if it comes out ten years and two kids later? Then what? You could destroy more than just your marriage at that point. Be prepared to have everything fall apart. Be prepared to go to couples’ counseling. Be prepared to be ostracized at family events. Be prepared for anything. Unless you know in your gut that both of you will never tell a living person and will never speak of it again, I don’t see how you can keep this from her. Go talk to a therapist first and find a way to share this with her. You owe her the truth. And she owes you nothing. 

DEAR NATALIE: My brother and his wife refuse to get the Covid-19 vaccination and it is really driving a wedge between our family. We have a really tight group and it hasn’t been easy with not being able to be around each other all year. But, my brother and his wife are very bohemian and they think that the vaccine has “bad stuff” in it. They have two small daughters and I want our kids to be able to get together like we used to. My mom is refusing to see either of them until they are vaccinated and that has become a huge issue, as well. I find it really irresponsible that for her sake that they refuse. I love my brother and his wife and I really do miss being together. I know they are both a bit out there, but they are funny, sweet and loving people. How do I convince them that the vaccine is safe? We have all had it in my family — shouldn’t the proof be in the pudding? — VACCINATION HESITATION

DEAR VACCINATION HESITATION: Now that we are in this weird limbo of transition, where some people are fully vaccinated and others are hesitant to do so for whatever reason, it can feel like the world has turned a bit upside down yet again. How can we get back to “normal” after so many have died and so many have suffered? Expecting people to just be “over it?” Some people have acted like nothing has happened all year long, and some people like your brother and sister-in-law, want to believe there is a secret monster hiding under the bed. The monsters are clear: Coronavirus and the spread of misinformation. Until we decide to stand together and collectively work towards a common goal to end this misery, we are going to remain in this limbo land. The way forward is to get vaccinated as soon as you are able. The fact that your brother and sister-in-law refuse to do that based on misinformation and pseudo-science is sad to me. I know so many doctors, nurses and medical professionals who are mentally exhausted from trying to convince people that the vaccine is safe. What’s scary isn’t the vaccine but the mob mentality around it. I don’t know what to tell you other than to keep encouraging them. Keep sending them medically-backed and evidence-based articles. Keep offering to go with them. Keep dangling carrots like being with your mother as part of the reward for vaccination. I don’t know what we are going to do if we continue to limp along like this as a nation. I am saddened for those who won’t be able to celebrate with their families ever again because Covid cut their lives short. My heart breaks for those who are in financial ruin, out on the streets or unable to make ends meet because of the economic fallout from this disease. Until we recognize that in order to thrive we all must put in the effort, we will continue to lag behind as other nations start to pick up the pieces faster than we do. I hope your brother and sister-in-law recognize that their behavior is self indulgent and harmful. Beyond that, keep your boundaries in place. They have made their choice, now you have to make yours.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci