DEAR NATALIE: I have been working remotely due to Covid for the past year or so. While I find that I am actually working more since working from home, the pace of my job has been less stressful and overall I feel positive about my situation. But, I have a co-worker that is not pulling her weight at all, and in fact, has taken credit for some of my projects and work. Since we aren’t in an office and no one is really able to see what everyone is doing as easily or readily, I find her jumping on emails and duplicating people’s work. When you tell her you already have it under control, she asks to see what you are doing. She has done this to me a few times until I caught on. Then, she shares the work with our boss and puts us both on it like she had a hand in it or something. I was furious that she did this to me the first time. Recently, I had been working hard on this project and she asked to “cross check it with what she was doing.” Then, before I knew it, she sent my work — which wasn’t completed — with her work and acted like we had been working on it together. My boss gave us feedback which I wouldn’t have needed had I been able to complete my project. Now, I feel like my boss thinks I’m incompetent or something. I don’t want to throw this person under the bus, but she is really undermining me in the office and I am worried that she is going to get credit for work she didn’t do. Do I talk to her about it? I am the worst at confrontation. Thinking about this makes me so anxious, but losing my job also makes me anxious. Any thoughts on how to handle this? — WORKED OVER

DEAR WORKED OVER: It’s good that you realized this sooner than later with her. It sounds as though working from home hasn’t worked out as well for her as it has for you. Regardless of her situation, taking credit for other people’s work is really disgusting. If I were in your shoes, I would have called her out on this the first time. However, knowing that you are not confrontational, you can handle this one of two ways: You can deal with her directly via email and warn her that if she pulls any of that nonsense again, you will go to your boss and lay it out for them. If the idea of that makes you feel nauseous, I would instead contact your boss directly and let them know what is going on. Don’t speak about whether or not you have heard she’s done this with others. Only speak to your experience with. Tell your boss that you wanted to discuss the last project with her and just be honest about what happened. Say it wasn’t the first time and you just wanted her to be aware of this. You have every right to defend your work and your reputation at your job. These are tough times and the idea of losing your job because of someone else’s sneakiness is unacceptable. Stand your ground, own your work and don’t let anyone make you feel afraid to speak up.

DEAR NATALIE: My 23-year-old son is still living at home with me and my husband. We have three kids — 19, 23 and 25 — and it seems like a revolving door when it comes to who’s living at home. Someone is always moving back in with us. Well, now my son (the 23-year-old) wants us to take in his girlfriend for three months — who is from South America — to see if they are compatible enough to get married. I am completely against this. He can do what he wants outside my home, but if he lives here in my home, he has to follow my rules. I don’t think he should be considering marriage yet, and I don’t think she is ready for that, either. We haven’t been speaking, which has created a lot of tension in the home. What do I do? Am I being too stern with him? — UPSET MOM

DEAR UPSET MOM: If your son is old enough to be contemplating marriage, he is old enough to get an apartment with his girlfriend. I sense the fatigue in your letter of having your children wearing out their welcome in your home. Every family is different. Some parents love the idea of their kids never leaving the nest. Others? They give them the boot even if they aren’t ready to fly. Sounds like you are vacillating in between and need to reclaim your home. Have an honest conversation with your son about expectations. If you were to allow his girlfriend to move in, is there a hard deadline? Do they need to be out in three months? Six months? Giving them expectations and boundaries may help everyone feel better and help you feel more in control. If having her move in is completely out of the question, then your son needs to decide if he is ready to move out and move in with her. If he is serious about marrying her, then they should start looking for their own place together. If he just wants to shack up and let mommy and daddy pay the rent, then he may need a reality check. Whatever you decide to do, bring everyone to the table and make this decision as a family so that you don’t burn any bridges or have any regrets down the road.  

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: I am 24-years-old and have never really been in a relationship before. The idea of sex always made me nervous and while I have kissed a few boys, it has never gone beyond that. I just started dating this guy I really like. He and I have been doing things that I have never done before but I am enjoying them. My only problem is, he doesn’t know that I am a virgin and I don’t want to freak him out. Do I have to tell him? Should I tell him? I don’t know what to do. Do you think he will understand? I want to have sex with him but afraid he will laugh at me if he knows — STILL A VIRGIN

DEAR STILL A VIRGIN: If someone were to laugh at you after sharing something so personal, then they don’t deserve to be with you. People have sex with other people at many different stages of life and when and if you choose to have sex with someone else is a very personal choice. There is nothing “wrong” with being in your 20s and not having experienced sex with another person. When and if you are ready is completely your decision. It sounds as though the pacing of this relationship has been positive for you and you want to take that next step. Do you have to tell him? No. But you might feel more confident and comfortable if you are honest about yourself. You may also want to share this when you aren’t in the throes of passion so that you can have a real conversation around it. Who knows? Maybe he hasn’t had that much experience, either. It may take the pressure off of you if you just tell him how you feel about the situation. Sex can be awesome when it is with someone you trust and enjoy being with. If he fits that criteria, share what you are comfortable sharing and see what happens. Who knows? The strength of your vulnerability may inspire him to share his story with you, as well.

DEAR NATALIE: I have been in a “relationship” for six months. Every time we are alone, he is sweet to me, affectionate and loving. When we are in public, he is often aloof, distracted and rude. He won’t introduce me to his family and whenever we meet his friends or colleagues, he introduces me as a “friend.” What is going on? Is he stringing me along? Why would he do this? I don’t want to be in a pseudo-relationship … so should I call it quits?

— KINDA GIRLFRIEND

DEAR KINDA GIRLFRIEND: It sounds like you are both in different relationships. He is approaching this with a sense of casualness and you are taking it more seriously. The question that I have for you is this: How long will you allow him to dictate the terms of this dynamic? You are clearly unhappy with how you are being treated. You need to confront the situation and ask him why he refers to you as a “friend” in public and why he has such a shift in attitude towards you depending on whether you are in private or not? He seems moody and manipulative. Is this the kind of person you want to spend more time with? Unless he is willing to work on himself and learns how to treat you with dignity and respect, I don’t see what the reason would be to continue this relationship. Why be with someone when they make you feel alone? Why give someone your heart if they don’t know how to take care of it? Relationships are a conversation and right now this speaks to the early stages of emotional abuse. Reevaluate and make the bold choice to protect yourself. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My mom’s new boyfriend is disgusting. I was at her home for dinner the other night and he had been drinking beer and started commenting on how hot I was -- in front of my mother. She tried to laugh it off, but I was horrified. I told him he was disgusting, he needed to apologize and to never speak about my body again. He just shrugged and didn’t say anything else. She then got angry with me! She told me I was “disrespecting her relationship” and that I needed to “know my place.” My place? My place has always been that I pick up the pieces after her relationships fall apart. I am so angry with her. I moved out of her home a few years ago because of this kind of stuff, but at this point in my life, I really don’t need to deal with her drama. I do love her, but she makes it very difficult to have a relationship with her. Now she is basically telling me that I can’t come over unless I apologize to her boyfriend for being rude. I refuse to do that. So, we aren’t speaking right now. Any advice on how to move forward? -- BOYFRIEND OVER DAUGHTER

DEAR BOYFRIEND OVER DAUGHTER: This is so much deeper than this incident. It is obvious that you have danced this dance with her many times in the past. I also find it horrifying that he not only spoke to you in such a disgusting way, but that she defended him instead of you. Unfortunately, I have gotten many letters over the years with this similar theme. I applaud you for standing up for yourself in a very uncomfortable situation. Your mom’s boyfriend should be ashamed of himself and he absolutely owes you an apology. Your mother should have stood up for you and called him out on his behavior, but my guess is that she is an insecure woman who needs to have a man in her life -- no matter what. I have no doubt that this has led to tensions with you and her in the past and will continue to do so unless she decides to take a long hard look at herself in the mirror. But because you don’t have control over her behavior, you can only work to protect yourself.  Moving out of her home, standing up for yourself and creating boundaries is necessary so that you don’t become too entangled in her relationships. It is not your job to swoop in and clean up her messes or ease her broken heart. That is not the job of a child. I would recommend that you speak to a therapist so that you can discuss your relationship dynamics in a place that is free from judgment or shame. It is not easy dealing with a parent who needs parenting and that can often impact your relationships with others. Give yourself some space from her. You have every right to take this time and reevaluate what her role should be in your life based on her behavior. She has to earn a relationship with you as an adult. If she thinks you will just continue to be abused by her emotionally, then maybe she needs to see what life is like if you aren’t in the picture, instead.  

DEAR NATALIE: I am a 34-year-old single guy and I have serious reservations about the concept of marriage. I recently broke it off with my girlfriend of two years because she wanted to get married and I wasn’t ready. I feel that when people get married, they get into sex “ruts” and the passion dissipates. I was already starting to experience that with my ex. There is no mystery when you are together after a certain amount of time, but I am concerned about how this outlook could affect my future. I don’t want to be that loser who wakes up in his mid-fifties and has never had a real relationship. I do want a family in the near future. She just wasn’t the right one and it ended very badly. She said that I am a total “commitment phobe” and just using sex as an excuse. Any thoughts? 

— SINGLE GUY IN THE CITY

DEAR SINGLE GUY IN THE CITY: I would encourage you to reevaluate what it means to have a life partner. What does that look like for you? When you aren’t having sex, what are the other 23 hours of the day like together? Sex can be an important component to a romantic relationship -- I am not trying to downplay it. But, it is not everything. If you really want to have a robust and meaningful connection with someone, passion is part of it, but it isn’t all of it. What do you have in common? Do you both want children? What are the deal breakers? What is your vision for the future? What are your shared dreams? These are some of the big questions that can make or break relationships. Passions can ebb and flow through the years, but liking each other will get you through the tough times. If you are serious about settling down with someone, you need to contemplate what that looks like. Are you afraid of committing to someone because … finish that thought. Only you know why you really decided to end things. My guess is that your ex is correct. Sex was an excuse to end things but there was something else that wasn’t gelling for you.  Explore that, sit with it and recognize your role in keeping things exciting for your partner, too.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci