DEAR NATALIE: My friends and I are planning to take a RV trip this fall down the California coast. Hopefully by then, COVID-19 restrictions will be lifted. It is going to be awesome because we haven’t seen one another since the onset of the pandemic last spring. There’s just one issue. My one friend has a really obnoxious girlfriend and she asked if she could bring her. None of us are bringing our significant others, so we think it is pretty ridiculous that she wants to do this. What should I say to her? I don’t want her girlfriend to come and neither does anyone else. The only reason she wants to bring her is because she’s super clingy. It’s only for a week … can’t she just give her space? —NO OBNOXIOUS PARTNERS

DEAR NO OBNOXIOUS PARTNERS: This is all in how you frame it. Make it very clear that this is just a “friend” trip and that no one is bringing their partners. Joke that you’ve all spent more than enough time in quarantine with your loves but not nearly enough time with your friends. Let her know that it isn’t personal -- even though it sounds like it is -- and that it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else if she brought her girlfriend. It’s only a week, after all. If they can’t stand to be apart, then talk to your friends about what the other options could be. Are they willing to let the girlfriend tag along if they take their own vehicle? Perhaps the girlfriend could meet you halfway through the trip? If none of this is acceptable to the group, maybe your friend sits this one out. She can plan a couples’ getaway in the winter for everyone to bring their significant others. There is a compromise here, but it depends on how willing everyone is to bend. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have a lot of guy friends, but not a boyfriend. All the guys I hang out with tell me how awesome I am. They all wish they could find a girl like me. I think they like that I am laid back and easy to get along with, which is true! So I don’t understand why none of them will ask me out. There are two guys, in particular, that I could definitely see myself dating. But no one makes a move. I don’t know what to do, and I’m too shy to share my feelings. Plus, what if they don’t feel the same and then I lose them as friends? I feel like I’m stuck. Any advice? —SAY NO TO THE FRIEND ZONE

DEAR SAY NO TO THE FRIEND ZONE: The things that you are saying to yourself -- I bet they are saying to themselves, too. If a guy is saying to you, “Why can’t I meet someone like you…” it could mean that he is gauging your reaction to see if you might be interested. It could also mean that he really does have you in the friend zone and wants you to help him find someone cool like yourself. The only way forward here is with transparency and honesty. Take a leap of faith and ask one of the guys that you are interested in out for coffee. I know you are shy, but this could be good for you to get out of your comfort zone and recognize your power. Yes, it’s a risk, but it’s the only way you will know for sure. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a weird love triangle. My ex and I broke up over the summer and his good friend asked me out a month ago. I really like his friend and we’ve been having fun. Well, as much fun as you can have during a pandemic. We recently slept together. It was good, and while we aren’t “exclusive” yet, I think we are heading in that direction. We told each other not to tell my ex about what happened. Why make him feel awkward? Well, my ex found out and he’s been blowing up my phone with “I want you back” texts. He had all summer to chase me. He had most of the fall to chase me. And now here we are, and suddenly he wants me back? He’s also mad at his friend for hooking up with me. But it wasn’t like we slept together the day after we broke up. It’s been months. He had his chance. There is a small part of me that misses him but I am not sure what to do. I like his friend and I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. Thoughts? —CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: This is so typical. You always want what you can’t have. Now that you are a free bird, your ex is jealous that you’ve moved on. Unless you are desperate to get back with him — and it doesn’t seem that you are — you don’t owe him anything. The issue really is between him and his friend at this point. Some people would say that he broke “bro code” by hooking up with the ex — but like you said — time had passed.  Your ex had months to talk to you about his feelings. The question your new guy has to ask himself is this: Does he think dating you is worth losing his friend? If he feels strongly about you, he may have to choose between you and his friendship with your ex. Relationships — of all kinds — can be messy. I would let your ex know that you didn’t mean to hurt him, but that you have to move on with your life. Suggest that he does the same.  

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have very different political views. We both work outside the home but he is definitely the breadwinner. Recently, I have been donating to political causes and relief funds. Since Texas was hit so hard by this winter weather, I sent a few local organizations some money to help. He saw it on our credit card and made a big deal out of it. It was only a few hundred dollars here and there. We can definitely afford it. He started saying nonsense about people needing to “fend for themselves.” We ended up in a big fight and aren’t speaking much. I just want to understand why my husband is so angry. He has such a beautiful life and I don’t know why he is against helping those in need. To me, being an American means helping one another when they need support. I don’t believe that “every man for himself” will get us out of any bad situation. How do I make peace with my husband? I love him so much but I want to be able to support the causes that I believe in. Any suggestions for how to bridge this gap between us? —DIVIDED WE FALL

DEAR DIVIDED WE FALL: One simple solution is to get your own credit card for donations. Use just the money that you earn to donate to these causes so that when your husband looks at your joint statements, he can’t give you any grief. The bigger issue is this: How can you respect each other’s positions and stay happily married? It appears that you have very different views of the world. Since everything has become politicized, it can be challenging to have that energy not seep into our homes and hearts. You both need to reconnect in a way that reminds you of why you first fell in love. Do activities together, like cooking or bike riding. Engage in something that gets you both out of your heads and into your bodies. Being respectful of one another is important when you disagree, but it is hard to respect someone who believes that people should “fend for themselves” in the middle of a natural disaster brought on by climate change. In order to keep the peace, you may have to agree to disagree and use your own money to support the causes you believe in.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I love my girlfriend and we’ve been living together for about a year. The only big issue in our relationship is that when she drinks, she becomes incredibly belligerent and verbally abusive towards me. Since the onset of COVID-19, her drinking has gotten worse. If I don’t text her back fast enough, for example, I’ll get pages of angry texts. I know that means she’s drinking. The next day she is totally remorseful and so I haven’t said much about it. But recently, she’s started acting nasty to me in front of our families. This is problematic because everyone is now telling me that she has a serious issue with alcohol. I don’t know if I should confront her or if everyone is just overreacting. I love her and I don’t want to upset her. Lately, I’ve turned down invitations to see friends because I don’t want to put her in a position where she might make a fool of herself. I worry, though, that this strategy isn’t sustainable. I want to spend my life with her and raise a family, but sometimes I’m afraid of her.  Any advice? —CONCERNED GIRLFRIEND

DEAR CONCERNED GIRLFRIEND: I would be concerned, too. Not only is your girlfriend causing you emotional distress, but now you are starting to withdraw from friends and family. Her behavior is not acceptable and unless you set up expectations and boundaries, I don’t see anything changing. There is clearly a cycle here. She drinks, verbally assaults you, apologizes, cycle repeats. I would ask yourself what would she do if you confronted her about her drinking and the nasty behaviors that follow? What if you said that you were concerned about her wellbeing? What if you told her you were worried that drinking is impacting her life and your relationship? Would she be able to give up drinking and see how that changes your dynamic? If she is unable to do so, what are some supports that you can recommend to her—and to yourself—so that she can break this vicious cycle? You may want to reach out to a therapist in your area that specializes in substance abuse and relationship dynamics. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can ask your primary care doctor if you have one. You can also find resources online that can help. Do not accept this behavior. You do not have to live like this and you shouldn’t. She may have to be confronted with the reality of losing you if she doesn’t work on helping herself. No one is expecting perfection, but she needs to make an effort. Otherwise, you have to decide what you are willing to put up with, and what is a deal-breaker. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue about three months ago. I later found out that he was cheating on me with another woman. Recently, he has been trying to reconnect with me and admitted that he made a big mistake. He claims that he is no longer with her, but I don’t know what to believe. My friends said that they know for a fact that they are still sleeping together. He seems sincere in wanting me back and I really do love him. Do you think that I should give him another chance? Everyone is telling me not to, but there were a lot of great parts to our relationship that they didn’t see. I’m not sure what to do. —BROKEN HEART

DEAR BROKEN HEART: It can be confusing when a partner cheats and then claims to want you back. It can also feel vindicating—you waited out the storm and now they are pining for you once more. But do you want a relationship where one person has all the power and you have none. Who is to say that he won’t cheat again? How can you trust him moving forward? Tread carefully here and guard your heart. Trust has to be earned and he didn’t just break it—he shattered it. You are entitled to take your time and question his motives. How can you be sure that he really did leave the other woman? If your friends are hearing rumors, you may want to take their warnings seriously.  Why do you want to take him back? He caught you in a vulnerable emotional moment. If you had more time to process this, do you think you would still want to date him? Do you really miss him or do you miss being in a relationship? I know these are a lot of questions to consider, but it is worth considering them because you are worth consideration. Just because he wants you back doesn’t mean it has to happen at all—or on his timeline.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci