DEAR NATALIE: I've been married 15 years to my lovely wife and we have two boys. Six months ago, my wife became very ill with Covid-19 and she is still dealing with side effects like extreme fatigue, joint pain and headaches. Because of this, she hasn’t been able to work. I have continued to work and now I am doing all of the housework and cooking, as well as taking care of our two boys. All during the day, she calls me to do things for her. Our sex life is non-existent. If I ask her about it, she gets upset and turns the table on me. She tells me how I need to leave her alone because she is too tired. She acts completely defeated. I have tried everything. If I leave her alone, then she tells me that I don't love her. Please help. I don’t know what else to do! —UNHAPPY AT HOME

DEAR UNHAPPY AT HOME: This year has been a nightmare for so many families. Some lost their loved ones to this terrible disease. Some have felt the financial fallout, uprooting their lives. And others, like your wife, have lived with the effects, turning their lives upside down in the process. I am so sorry that you are feeling the impact of Covid-19 in such a visceral way. It is never easy becoming a caretaker when you were once a lover. I applaud your strength, courage and resilience. I also understand your frustration—and even anger—at your present situation. Your wife shouldn’t have to live like this, either. Her children shouldn’t have to see her in this state of depression and sickness. If she won’t get help for your sake or for her own sake, perhaps remind her that the kids need her. Maybe this will reignite her desire to focus on her health. Seeking out medical care is important, but it sounds like she could also use mental health support, too. I would recommend that you find a therapist for yourself as you navigate these uncharted waters. And while it is amazing that you do so much for her, perhaps encouraging her to do a little more for herself on days where she seems able could help you both in the long run. When people are ill, they often become more emotionally needy and almost childlike with those closest to them. Establishing boundaries, like telling her you can’t text until breaks at work while making sure to tell her you love her each day could aid in her mental health. We know so little about Covid-19 and its long term effects on the body. Try to be patient with her and also show yourself some grace. Do not feel guilty for taking time for yourself or needing to—safely!—connect with friends while she recovers. You are allowed to care for her and you don’t have to ignore yourself in that process, either. 

DEAR NATALIE: My husband has been acting really depressed since Covid-19 hit. He never was a very social person to begin with, but he did have two good friends that he would hang out with on occasion or play video games with online. Since the pandemic hit, his friends have also been isolating themselves. My girlfriends and I have talked about our husbands, but we can’t seem to get them out of this slump. How can I help my husband—and my girlfriends’ husbands? I know part of their depression is loneliness.

—BE FRIENDS

DEAR BE FRIENDS: The ways in which men and women are socialized within the confines of the gender binary has birthed a lot of toxic behaviors. Roughly 50 million Americans over the age of 45 suffer from chronic loneliness and this pandemic has only worsened an already bad situation for so many. The surgeon general even declared it one of the nation’s “greatest pathologies,” right up there with smoking and heart disease. But loneliness is almost never talked about. I applaud you for recognizing that something is “off” with your husband and his friends. Because he may not even be aware of this, you may need to gently bring it up. Say something like: “I’ve noticed you haven’t really been talking to A and Z lately. Everything OK? Why don’t you plan a game night or something?” and just see what he says. A game night could just be virtual, too, if they all play video games online. If he balks at the idea, I would get a little firmer in your observation, expressing to him that you are worried about him. Say that even though the pandemic has hit everyone hard, you don’t want his friendships to disappear. You have to put energy into your relationships or they wither away. Stand your ground on this and encourage him to pick up the phone and text his friends. Even if they just do that, it’s a start. Then, coordinate your efforts with your girlfriends and see if working together can help bring them together. It may be a group effort, but for the sake of your husband’s mental health, it’s definitely worth the work.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend told me that she doesn’t want to exchange gifts this year. She lost her job due to Covid-19 and I think she is feeling really down. I really want to cheer her up and get her something really special, but I know her. I know she will be upset with me because she will feel bad that she couldn’t get me anything. How can I make it so she enjoys the holiday? —SECRET SANTA

DEAR SECRET SANTA: While I admire your intentions, buying her something after she specifically asked you not to may only make her feel worse about her financial situation. Instead, why not enjoy an activity together? If it’s safe to do so, maybe a couples’ massage? Or you could do something that is free, like baking cookies and watching a classic holiday movie together. Find what she loves and then turn it into something you can enjoy together. The quality time means more than any object ever could, and a heartfelt letter or card could be the perfect bow tying it all together. (I had to find a way to put a holiday pun in there somehow!) 

DEAR NATALIE: I recently started dating this guy and everything seemed to be going great until we got on the touchy subject of homosexuality and gay marriage. I support marriage equality. What worried me was the way he explained his position...basically by using “f--” in every other sentence and degrading the gay community. It disgusted me. He said some pretty awful things. I started yelling and he started yelling…it didn’t end well. We are supposed to have dinner this weekend. But, how can I date someone that is homophobic? I really liked this one! Ugh! Any advice? —ONE LOVE

DEAR ONE LOVE: Walk away. The idea that he would be against marriage equality in 2020 only makes me wonder what other phobias and -isms he is hiding. Using homophobic slurs so openly also makes me think that this isn’t someone who could be reasoned with easily. People can say what they want, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences to actions. You are allowed to have boundaries. It just comes down to how much effort you want to put into having someone recognize that people unlike himself have a right to exist without being harassed or degraded. You can disagree about a lot of things—but when it comes to human rights, there’s no right or left—just right or wrong. Find someone who respects people and uplifts them. Not only will he make for a better partner, but you won’t be embarrassed to bring him around your friends and family, someday, either.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé’s ex-wife has their kids for Thanksgiving and we are supposed to get them the day after, but now I don’t know if we should. She is having a big Thanksgiving party, and we have told her that we don’t want the kids around all of those people with COVID-19 raging on. She doesn’t seem to care. We are concerned that either one of the kids will get sick or--at the very least--be carriers and then infect someone else. How do we deal with this without causing World War Three? —HOLIDAY MESS

DEAR HOLIDAY MESS: This is a really tough one because of the delicate dynamics of blended families. On the one hand, you could ask to switch days with her and have the kids at your house for the holiday. You could then send them over to her house a day or two after Thanksgiving. But if the ex-wife was exposed to COVID at the party, it won’t make much of a difference if she’s around her children one or two days after. You could also ask her to self-quarantine with her children for two weeks after Thanksgiving. But, considering how she doesn’t seem to care about COVID, why would she be willing to do something that she’ll most likely perceive as extreme? The other option is to tell her that you are willing to have the kids stay with you on Thanksgiving and for a few weeks after to make sure she doesn’t have any symptoms. This isn’t full proof, either. Really, the only safe choice is to cancel Thanksgiving gatherings and just have Thanksgiving with the immediate family. This really speaks to the larger narrative of people not being willing to think outside themselves. The seeds of self-centeredness have been sown from the top down. All that you can do is protect your family as best you can. If that means talking with your fiancé about trying to have the kids out of that environment for the holiday, then do it. This is a public safety issue. She risks her kids not being able to be around their father for at least two weeks after this holiday because of her irresponsible decision. Is that what she really wants?   

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have recently separated. We were together almost 10 years and married for six when I discovered he has been having an affair. I am devastated. He told me he cheated because I had “let myself go” after we had our baby two years ago. He is right. I found myself overwhelmed and put myself last. What’s worse, we were trying to have a second child when I found out about his affair. So, I feel hopeless, helpless and defeated. He’s now trying to win me back, but I feel terrible about what happened between us. Do you think I should work on our marriage knowing that we have a small child or should I give up? And on top of it all, we are in the middle of the holiday season and a pandemic. I’m not exactly sure about how I feel about leaving right now. —OVERWHELMED MOM

DEAR OVERWHELMED MOM: I am so sorry you that are experiencing such pain and heartache right now. I’m sure you are not alone in feeling trapped in a relationship that you are unsure of continuing during this challenging time. What concerns me about your husband’s affair is the flippant attitude he displayed when you confronted him. “You let yourself go,” is a mean-spirited and cruel thing to say to a vulnerable new mom. Writing that “you agree” only reinforces the idea that he has said hurtful things before. I’m so sorry that you are experiencing verbal abuse and that you have a husband who has disrespected the sanctity of your marriage. Knowing all of that, it is hard for me to suggest that you try and work things out with him. But if you believe that he would really be open to going to therapy with you and on his own, then there could be a sliver of hope for your marriage. I suggest that you go to therapy on your own, regardless, as well. It would be an opportunity for you to work through some of the things that he has done and said to you. Once you have a better sense of self, you might be able to make a decision that honors and uplifts you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci