DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have been having some trouble lately in our relationship. We’ve been together for three years and started dating our senior year of college. Things were great in the beginning but now it always seems like he can’t support my decisions. I just received a promotion at work that I had been working towards. I was so excited to tell him the good news but all he did was complain that I’ll be working more. It really hurt me. He didn’t even congratulate me. He just criticized me. He even balked at the fact that I’ll have “just” a slight pay raise. Honestly, I’ve been working more because he is increasingly miserable to be around, especially because we’ve both been trapped at home due to the pandemic. He has a good job that he does remotely, so I don’t understand what this is even about. What should I do? —UNHAPPY AT HOME

DEAR UNHAPPY AT HOME: I think sometimes when people send me letters they already know the answer. It’s more that they need someone to validate their feelings or they need someone to give them “permission” to do what they already want to do. In this case, as I read between the lines, I sense that you already feel disconnected from your boyfriend. He isn’t supportive, you haven’t grown closer during this pandemic, and he is critical of you. What are you holding onto in your relationship? This pandemic has been able to expedite a lot of change for people, both good and bad. Take this as a blessing. You are now seeing that in the long term, you may not be compatible. That’s OK. You are allowed to walk away from a relationship that isn’t healthy. Of course not every day is sunshine and roses, but feeling depressed, demoralized and demeaned by your partner is no way to live. If you can afford to leave and have somewhere to go, just do it. Life is too short to be with someone who isn’t bringing out the best in you.  

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend and her boyfriend just recently broke up.  They had been dating for about a year and had been having problems. Well, I have always had a crush on her boyfriend and yesterday he asked me out for “socially distant” coffee. Is this a date? Should I go? I want to be there for my friend, but I really like him.

—THINKING THIS THROUGH

DEAR THINKING THIS THROUGH: Isn’t this a clear violation of some girl code written somewhere? Let me sum it up for you. If my ex-boyfriend and my best friend started dating days or weeks after we broke up, I would end my relationship with her, too. There are plenty of fish in the sea. It may not seem like it because our worlds have shrunk due to COVID-19, but someday the world will open up again, and you will have opportunities to meet new people that your best friend hasn’t slept with first. Asking you out was callous and selfish on his part as well as showing a lack of good judgment. How do you know he isn’t doing this just to make your friend jealous? Imagine if you were in her shoes, how would you feel? She’s going through a hard time right now and needs your support. What she doesn’t need is you undermining your friendship by going out with her ex-boyfriend. Take a minute and really think this through before you make any choices that you can’t undo.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My ex-girlfriend invited me to her wedding. She broke up with me about a year ago and now she is already moving on with a new guy. I’ve known her and her family forever--we were together almost 8 years--and I feel really awful about not wanting to go. Should I go? I’m still not really over all of this. And, I don’t have a girlfriend right now, so should I go solo? —WEDDING WORRIES

DEAR WEDDING WORRIES: You absolutely should not go. You have no reason to put yourself in that position other than a desire for self-loathing. I think it was actually cruel of her to invite you so soon after you had broken up. It’s not like you’ve been apart for ten years or something. You only broke up a year ago and she moved on rather quickly. To expect you to show up is delusional on her part. I would decline, send her a small gift, and call it a day. Focus on what brings you contentment, what brings you peace and how you can create a bright future for yourself. 

DEAR NATALIE: I just found out the woman I am engaged to had an abortion when she was 22. We are both 29. She never told me this until recently and we have been together for more than two years. I really don’t know how I feel about it. I told her I have to think things over. What do you think? Should I stay with her even though I don’t approve of abortion? She said she waited until we got engaged to tell me because she didn’t want it to “cloud” my judgment of her. —THINKING THIS THROUGH

DEAR THINKING THIS THROUGH: Sounds as though she made a difficult choice at a certain point in her life. It’s very easy to sit there and debate in your mind what she “should” have done, but it wasn’t your choice to make and you weren’t in her shoes. The very fact that she was afraid to tell you makes me think that she was concerned you would judge her. Show her compassion instead of disapproval. Let go of your judgement and instead think about how brave she was to share her story with you. I’m sure there are many women out there who have never shared their abortion story with their significant other. They’ve had to hold that chapter of their lives in silence, tuck it away in a part of their heart, and silently work through it alone. If this is something you really can’t get beyond, end it now so that you don’t create a life together that is miserable for both of you. She deserves to be with someone who can respect her past while celebrating a hopeful future together. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I have been trying to break up with this guy for weeks. Every time I go to tell him that I am unhappy in our relationship--mostly because he is cranky, critical and depressing to be around--something seems to get in the way. For example, I tried breaking up with him a few weeks ago, but his dog had to be put down. He was a wreck. I felt bad, so I didn’t want to make anything worse. Then, I tried a few days ago, but his best friend tested positive for COVID-19, and he was upset about that. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just find a good time to end it? I need advice! —CAN’T WALK AWAY

DEAR CAN’T WALK AWAY: There is never a “good” time to end a relationship. Relationships are messy and as complicated as the people in them. The longer you put this off, the worse it is going to be for everyone involved. You just need to tell him exactly how you feel. Rip it off like a Band-aid.  It may sound harsh, but you aren’t being kind by delaying the inevitable and giving him a false sense of security in the relationship. But, if you find yourself hesitating time and time again, ask yourself why? Do you have a hard time with confrontation? Do you have mixed feelings about breaking things off? What is your reasoning for holding onto this person that you clearly don’t like? Sometimes we stay in situations that are unhealthy because we think it is all we deserve. Sometimes we stay because it’s easier than leaving and starting over. Sometimes we stay because it will be a struggle financially or otherwise. Whatever your reason, examine it. Sit with it. And when you are ready, come to a decision and follow through. You are in charge of your life, so put yourself back in the driver’s seat. 

DEAR NATALIE: Monogamy is really hard for me. I have been married for years and have been cheating the whole time. She doesn’t have a clue and the guilt gets worse and worse as every year goes by. I love her and don’t want to leave her or our children, but I don’t know what else to do.  Should I just continue living a lie? —GUILTY

DEAR GUILTY: I don’t understand what it means when you say, “Monogamy is really hard for me.” Assuming she didn’t blackmail you into this marriage, it was  your choice to be with her, to stand in front of people, to take those vows. If you weren’t feeling that, why did you do it? Now you are in quite the predicament. Even if you stopped cheating on her and never did it again, could you live with the guilt of your past choices? If you don’t stop cheating, what does that say about how you feel about yourself or your marriage? Monogamy is great if both people want it. But it isn’t fair to your partner that you are lying to her. What if you brought home an STD? What if you were to get someone else pregnant? Then what will you do? Our actions have consequences. I recommend that you seek counseling for yourself to understand your behavior and to come up with a plan. I don’t know the intricacies of your relationship, so I don’t think it is as simple as, “Tell her the truth tonight!” That could actually cause more harm. Just because you want to get this off your chest because you feel badly about it, doesn’t mean that’s the best thing to do. It’s still a selfish approach. Stop cheating, get into therapy and work on a plan from that point. Anything less is just lip service.  

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci