DEAR NATALIE: I have a friend getting married in August and she is hellbent on a “normal” wedding. Me and my other friend are the only bridesmaids. WE both have young kids and are worried about even participating. She said the venue is assuring her that they are not worried. They are going to be “lax” on the social distancing rules, too. We tried to talk her into postponing it but she doesn’t want to hear it. She’s “over” this and doesn’t think Covid-19 is a big deal anymore. This is the larger issue. What do we do? — SAY I DON’T

DEAR SAY I DON’T: There is no “normal” to go back to. Until there is a vaccine or treatment, Covid-19 isn’t going to just disappear. So, we need to be sensible, understanding and be willing to put things on hold for the greater good. From what I’ve been hearing from some of my friends in the event industry, it doesn’t sound like a wedding right now would even be fun. No dancing, sitting staggered at tables, limited bars, wearing masks… you get the idea. People may not want to come to a wedding if they take care of elderly parents for fear of spreading it to them. They may not want to come if they are immunocompromised or live with someone who is. They may not have the money to spend on wedding gifts because of the economic weight being placed on so many, and they may not have the money to travel to the event, either. Some are depressed, anxious or reticent to even be in public with others right now. She may want to have a wedding but what kind of wedding will it really be? I would stick to your convictions on this one. If you don’t feel comfortable going, I would just tell her that you are not going to go. She could also just have a very small ceremony and then throw a larger party next summer. But, the truth is, you can’t control what she decides to do. You can only make a decision that is right for the health and wellbeing of you and your family.  

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: As communities enter “yellow” and “green” phases, don’t feel pressured into meeting people in person. You have every right to set boundaries that work for you in the middle of this pandemic. If you feel more comfortable on Zoom or a phone call, let your contacts know that. Most likely, they’ll be relieved that you brought it up first.

DEAR NATALIE: The news has been horrifying to say the least. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and I feel the weight of everything on me. Between constant coverage of Covid-19 and now all of the police brutality, I’m not sure how to handle it. I want to help, but I feel paralyzed. Do you have any suggestions for the sensory overload? — ANXIOUS ALL DAY

DEAR ANXIOUS ALL DAY: Sometimes, our anxiety is the result of feeling helpless. It’s like we have all this energy bottled up with no place to go. The best thing you can do is be a part of solutions. Research and donate to funds that support equity in your community. Share those resources with others. Make masks for community members. Bake cookies or bring flowers to elderly neighbors and friends. Volunteer to help with voter registration. Do whatever feels right to take the energy and make it constructive.  You are also allowed to take a break from social media and the news. It is OK to find a space for rest in the midst of everything. Reach out for mental health support if you are finding that things are just too overwhelming for you. There is no shame in asking for help. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I literally got attacked by family members during a birthday party. No one was wearing masks when I arrived. I had my mask on, and was trying to practice social distancing. My aunt made fun of me for not giving her a hug. My cousin called me a “snowflake” and everyone else was purposefully trying to stand too close to me, cough on me, etc… It was a horrible afternoon. I left about 30 minutes into it. I am so disappointed in how people are responding to coronavirus. I don’t know what I am supposed to do or say when treated with such disrespect. I tried to explain that I wear a mask to protect others and if they wear one too, everyone will be protected. They told me I don’t know anything and that I am a fool for thinking masks will protect you. How do I get through to my family? I’m still really angry and hurt by the whole thing — HURT AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR HURT AND FRUSTRATED: I am so sorry that you experienced such a terrible day with your family. It’s upsetting because you probably missed them and were looking forward to being able to see everyone. To be met with such unnecessary hostility is baffling to me. What are they so afraid of that they had to verbally attack you for wearing a mask? I believe a lot of people are projecting their own fears and anxieties around COVID-19 and the economic impact of it onto others because they are unable to deal with their emotions. In fact, anger is often a mask for grief. We are all grieving what was. I feel sorry for them. They are in a state of denial and because of their fragility, they are lashing out at anything that brings them back to reality. You in a mask was that trigger. You deserve an apology from everyone who treated you with disrespect. You most likely won’t get that, though, so you have to decide how to move forward. Will you go to another family gathering if you are invited? You don’t have to be around people who are treating you this way, regardless if they are your family. If anyone asks, you tell them why. Don’t feel as though you can’t stand up for yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong in this situation. Own your space, own your reasons, own your convictions. People are misdirecting their anger and frustrations instead of looking towards finding solutions through community and self compassion. If only we would recognize our solidarity and that if we stood together, we could really make a change that could impact everyone for the better. The virus is just another way to divide people. Don’t let it steal your sense of peace. 

DEAR NATALIE: My boss is eager to get everyone back to work. We are living in a state that has started to reopen, but isn’t all the way there yet. I am very nervous to be back in an office setting. My partner is immunocompromised and I’ve been working from home and self quarantining with them to reduce any chance that they could be exposed to COVID-19. I have emailed them to explain that I would feel more comfortable to continue working from home until we know for sure that the virus is under control, but they brushed it off saying that “everything will be fine.” I have tried to explain that I live with someone who is more susceptible to the virus and that I’ve been able to complete all of my work from home. This seems to not matter. I don’t know what to do. I need a job. I can’t just quit. Any suggestions? — SHOW SOME COMPASSION

DEAR SHOW SOME COMPASSION: Perhaps it would be helpful if your partner shared with your boss their story and how working from home potentially saves their life. Having to prove humanity and worthiness to someone is a terrible place to be, but in these moments, where some people have lost their sense of empathy, they may need a reminder. Your partner is not a statistic. They are a person. Show your boss how they could be a champion for your partner’s health. This  could flip the script and change their perspective. In the meantime, start looking for another job. If you do have to go back to work, talk to your colleagues ahead of time and let them know your situation. Perhaps you can isolate yourself at the office while you work. It really boils down to an issue of your boss feeling out of control and therefore wanting to exert control in order to regain a sense of power. It is a shame that their unchecked emotions could cause real harm. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Are people going to want to give out business cards, anymore? This may be a time to reinvent how you share information with potential employers or colleagues. Who knows? Maybe you print your contact info on individual packs of hand sanitizer or hand wipes? Get creative, make an impression and maybe share a laugh in the process.

DEAR NATALIE: Why do men yell and harass women on dating sites? I get that it's frustrating to message someone and not get a response. But why can't they just shrug it off? I ended a subscription to a site. They kept my profile up and let men message me so they could tell me I have messages but not let me see them or their profile unless I renew. Women may not see those messages. When I started using the sites, I answered back to be polite but learned very quickly not to do that if I wasn't interested. So many men harassed me that I had to report them and block them. Some men even do that if you don't answer in a timely manner. Why do they do this? — FED UP

DEAR FED UP: Why can’t they shrug it off? Because they believe you are there in that space solely for their entertainment. The idea that a woman wouldn’t respond to them, no matter how they engage, is too upsetting for their fragile egos. So, they lash out like children having temper tantrums when no one pays attention to them. The internet has allowed the worst of people to appear because they do not have to look anyone in the eye. They can feel brave and powerful behind the keyboard which compensates for the lack of control and power they may feel in reality. It’s often misdirected anger. Anyone that treats you with disrespect should be blocked. You owe them nothing. You don’t owe a response, a smile or an acknowledgement. This does not give them the right to belittle or attack you and speaks volumes of the toxic culture in which this behavior thrives in. I find the best way to deal with this is pay them no attention at all. Do not feed into it. Do not engage with it. Let it wither and die out on its own. Anyone who is respectful and has a sense of decency would just move on, anyway.  

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Did you know you can turn on “gallery view” in the top right so that you can see everyone’s feed at once in the same size? It’s less distracting this way and makes engaging in conversations feel less intimidating.

DEAR NATALIE: I know this will sound crazy, but I’m really worried about things going back to “normal.” I’ve become very comfortable in my house, with working from home and ordering in food. My mom says that I have to get ready to start “living again” and that staying inside all day, every day isn’t healthy for me. But I feel my anxiety creeping up on me every time I think about life outside. I know she’s right, but I’m having a hard time adjusting knowing that so many people aren’t following protocol or wearing masks. Any suggestions?— ANXIOUS A LOT

DEAR ANXIOUS A LOT: I have been hearing this more and more from people who are feeling very comforted by their space and don’t want to engage with the outside world. I am not here to tell you what to do with your life, but I will say that your mother may have some wisdom worth listening to. What is your life going to be if you hide away? In truth, our worlds shrink or expand in proportion to our willingness to engage. On the other hand, I completely understand your fears and anxieties. They are rooted in reality, but we also cannot allow fear to control our lives. If we do, we go from living to just existing. Instead, try to take little baby steps to begin reengaging with the outside world. Wear a mask or face covering and just go for a walk outside. Maybe it’s just around the block. Maybe it’s just to the corner and back. But take a moment to step in the sunshine and take a deep breath of courage. Then, perhaps in a week or so, you decide to go a little further. Maybe you even think about trying to go to a store. You don’t have to go inside the grocery store, but maybe you just walk to the outside and see what’s going on. Notice the precautions people are taking to make it a safer experience. Reduce the time you spend watching or the news if it causes further anxiety. Have your mom tell you the important things that you need to know. Find activities outside that you can do on your own, like reading a book in the park. Listening to music on your headphones while you sit on a bench. Try finding ways to experience the outside world without fully engaging. Over time, you may notice that your feelings of anxiety start to subside when you recognize that the monster in our heads is often much worse than in reality. But if you don’t seem to feel any better, please reach out to a mental healthcare professional for a telemedicine support session. There is no reason to be crippled emotionally for the rest of your life and you don’t have to live that way. Life is waiting for you, just reach out. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter @NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci