DEAR NATALIE: One of my “social” friends has this really annoying habit. Whenever she is around my husband, she makes it a point to greet him with a kiss on the lips. My other friends said they think it is weird. My poor husband looked incredibly uncomfortable the last time she did this. And it isn’t just to him — she kisses all the wives’ husbands on the lips. Am I crazy or is this not a normal way to greet someone else’s man? How do I get her to stop? And especially now with the coronavirus running rampant, this seems really gross and irresponsible. 

— TIGHT-LIPPED

DEAR TIGHT-LIPPED: Why anyone would think it was appropriate to kiss any acquaintance on the mouth is beyond me, especially when the whole world is on edge over COVID-19. Explain to your husband that this makes you feel uncomfortable. See how he reacts. If he doesn’t seem bothered by it, maybe mention that it’s just unsanitary.

If he also feels uncomfortable, come up with a solution together the next time she attempts to plant one on him. Maybe he should take a step back and extend his hand. In general, people should be more aware of their personal space. You don’t know who has a compromised immune system or who might be susceptible to the coronavirus. Get a game plan together not just for her, but in general. What are your boundaries? What are his? How can you find a middle ground where you both feel validated and respected?

DEAR NATALIE: I was recently out with my husband and a very attractive woman approached us at a networking event for his job. She was flirty with him and he was very complimentary of her and told her “how great she looked” at least three times. It was eye-rolling to say the least. I’m not concerned about him cheating, but he did annoy me in that he never compliments how I look. So, I brought that up to him and we ended up in a huge fight with him calling me “insecure.” Is it so wrong to want my husband to tell me that I’m attractive, too? He has no problem telling other women, apparently. Any advice? —AREN’T I ATTRACTIVE?

DEAR AREN’T I ATTRACTIVE: Not cool. Not only was it unnecessary to compliment this other woman, but to do it in front of you and then offer you nothing is one of two things: 1) Passive-aggressive. 2) Ignorant. Which one is he? In any case, you told him exactly how you felt and then he deflected, turned it around on you and then called you a name. Not sure how he thinks this is going to make you feel better about the situation. I would broach the subject one more time, now that tempers have hopefully cooled off.

Start with an “I” statement. Don’t make it at all about the other woman or he may just call you names again. Say something like, “I was thinking more about our disagreement the other night and I think what is really upsetting me is that sometimes I don’t feel valued. It really hurt my feelings that I was called insecure simply by expressing myself and we didn’t actually discuss why I may have been feeling that way. I don’t want to fight. I love you. I would like to understand why it is hard for you to say nice things to me, especially when you know it would make me feel good about myself.” Most likely, he just wasn’t thinking and then became defensive because he was embarrassed by his behavior. This isn’t an excuse, but possibly an insight into his reaction. Hopefully, in the future, he will think before he speaks and recognize that we all need our lover to support us and, yes, tell us we look pretty from time to time.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Consider keeping a healthy distance in the current climate. Instead of shaking hands, give a little wave. People will understand. If you feel even a little under the weather, don’t push yourself to be in a large group of people. Protect yourself and others by laying low until you feel better again. Networking is a great way to connect, and in this time, you just have to get a little more creative with your greetings!

DEAR NATALIE: This is a corollary to your recent article on adult parties. I agree. I love kids too. However, we were invited to a party after 6 p.m. with cocktails. Another couple who does have young children replied by saying that their kids were allergic to peanuts. How do I gracefully ask if this is an adult party when we are not the hosts and we’ve already accepted the invitation? We just assumed no kids. My husband is now saying he won’t go if there are little kids there, nd it’s hard to find activities we can do together. We are not close to either couple. Your thoughts or suggestions would be most appreciated. — STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: You can play this two ways. 1) You can just ask the host if this is a child-free event. Tell them you and your husband have limited time together and want to make your “date night” stress-free. You can admit that you assumed it was a child-free party, but that you want to be sure. Explain that you have nothing against kids being at events. 2) If you don’t want to be that direct, swing by for a quick hello and a cocktail and say that you have another commitment later in the evening. That way you don’t have to make in any more awkward than it needs to be. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting a child-free evening. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to spend time with adults. In fact, it’s pretty presumptuous of the other couple to assume their children were even invited. In any case, it’s your time and you decide how to spend it.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Try not to immediately gravitate toward the people you already know at networking events. Say hello, but ask them instead to introduce you to someone new so that you can maximize your experience.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: For years my sister-in-law and I have not gotten along. She always has to one-up me, so to speak. It’s exhausting. I get a new car, she gets one. I get a new piece of jewelry, she gets one — and, of course, it has to be bigger. You get the idea. The holidays are always a disaster, where her children have to open their gifts first. Of course this big display is made about how many gifts and what they received compared with my children. It really upset my oldest daughter this year. She knows all too well what I am dealing with. My husband thinks I’m being petty, but I really want to tell my brother that his wife is making me crazy. Any ideas for how I can convince my brother to tell his wife to chill out? — ONE-UP NO FUN

DEAR ONE-UP NO FUN: This is the most first-world problem I have gotten in my inbox in a long time. I’m not trying to downplay what you are going through, but let’s look at this from another perspective. You have so much to be thankful for! New cars, new jewelry, family, an abundance of gifts at the holidays. Acknowledge the great people and things in your life. The fact that you are so hung up on your sister-in-law’s material possessions makes me think that you have played into her game. Do you think you’re being a little competitive, as well, but you’re not willing to admit it? I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, but take your husband’s advice on this one and drop the pettiness. Your daughter is watching and you don’t want her to get caught up in this drama. Kids pay much more attention to things than we think they do. Limit your interactions with your sister-in-law. If you know the holidays will be challenging, meet up after opening gifts to see a holiday movie or eat together. Interact in ways that don’t necessarily focus on possessions.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have had financial issues over the last few years. We are considering moving in with our daughter so we can all conserve costs. She is a working single mom to our five-year-old granddaughter and I know she could use the help, too. My friends think this is a terrible idea and that we should just rent an apartment, but we view renting as a step backward. We hope that if we live with our daughter for a year, we can save up enough money for a down payment on a small home near her and our granddaughter. Do you think we should do this, or should we rent and avoid potentially wrecking our relationship with our daughter? -- TIGHT SPOT

DEAR TIGHT SPOT: I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Plenty of other families are dealing with the same issues and have to make difficult decisions. I understand your hesitation, and I understand why your friends think moving in with your daughter could wreck your relationship. But they aren’t in your shoes — only you know what is best for your family. You and your husband could save a considerable amount of money, which would give you the leverage to buy a home, giving you the independence and security that you desire. Living with your daughter could be a truly special time, and helping to raise your granddaughter would make for some magical memories. Your daughter would also benefit, as she likely needs child care; having two built-in babysitters could cut her costs tremendously.  On the other hand, you would contend with the cramped quarters, lack of privacy, and emotional stress of feeling like a “bother” in your daughter’s life. It isn’t easy to move in with a grown child, especially when she has a child of her own. Life is chaotic and messy, and this could heighten everyone’s stress level and lead to tension or fighting. I think it’s doable. If you choose to move in with your daughter, make a family contract in which you, your husband and your daughter write down guidelines for cohabitation. You can decide collectively on which rules will stick, and use that as a template for how to get along. Writing out the necessities for a smooth transition will benefit everyone. How will you split the food and utility bills? Who cleans and who cooks? Who helps with laundry? By dividing the work, the household will run more smoothly and see a lot less in-fighting. Once you and your husband get a handle on your finances, choose a move-out date and stick to it so your daughter doesn’t feel like you are invading her space indefinitely. It may be overwhelming. But it could also be a temporary adventure and unique bonding experience for your family.

DEAR NATALIE: I caught my husband of 18 years having a sexually explicit conversation online with another woman. I was totally blindsided and humiliated. He claims that it was innocent, and that it was just a fantasy. He never had any intentions of trying to meet her, blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, he is sleeping on the couch and I am contemplating calling a divorce attorney. He is incredibly remorseful, but says that he has felt disconnected from me for some time. We have three kids, and we each have a full time job. Of course our romantic life took a backseat — but it happens! What do I do? Is this cheating? I don’t want to end my marriage, but I am just so hurt.-- SCANDAL

DEAR SCANDAL: Before you do anything drastic, let’s see if there is anything worth salvaging. Dealing with infidelity of any kind can feel as though you have lost a piece of your relationship and your footing in what you thought was solid. He crossed a line and broke your trust. But before you call a divorce attorney, call a marriage counselor. Cheating is usually a symptom of a deeper relationship issue. You both admit that your intimate life has gotten off track, and it takes two to tango. While you may have just put it on the back-burner, he internalized his frustrations instead of sharing them with you. You were on the road to becoming two ships passing in the night. But he sounds remorseful and you seem hesitant to move forward with a divorce, so take this as a chance to work at your marriage. Your romantic relationship needs to be nurtured like all the other aspects of your life. Yes, you have children. Yes, you have jobs. Relationships ebb and flow. They change, they grow, they die, they are reborn. The question is: Can you weather the seasons? Maybe it’s time to bring back date night. Can you hire a sitter once a week or every other week? Romance and intimacy are vital components to any healthy relationship, but, more importantly, the affection and attention you give one another will be the glue that holds you together. Enjoy one another, appreciate one another, and respect each other’s feelings. He disrespected your feelings, so the healing process may take some time. But putting in the work now may save you both much heartache in the future.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Always ask your new contact what follow-up method they prefer. Some people want you to email them, others may prefer a phone call. I’ve even had new contacts ask if they can message me on Instagram because that’s the platform they frequent the most. Whatever works, make sure you are both on the same page so that you don’t miss any opportunities to connect.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)