DEAR NATALIE: This is a corollary to your recent article on adult parties. I agree. I love kids too. However, we were invited to a party after 6 p.m. with cocktails. Another couple who does have young children replied by saying that their kids were allergic to peanuts. How do I gracefully ask if this is an adult party when we are not the hosts and we’ve already accepted the invitation? We just assumed no kids. My husband is now saying he won’t go if there are little kids there, nd it’s hard to find activities we can do together. We are not close to either couple. Your thoughts or suggestions would be most appreciated. — STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK IN THE MIDDLE: You can play this two ways. 1) You can just ask the host if this is a child-free event. Tell them you and your husband have limited time together and want to make your “date night” stress-free. You can admit that you assumed it was a child-free party, but that you want to be sure. Explain that you have nothing against kids being at events. 2) If you don’t want to be that direct, swing by for a quick hello and a cocktail and say that you have another commitment later in the evening. That way you don’t have to make in any more awkward than it needs to be. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting a child-free evening. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to spend time with adults. In fact, it’s pretty presumptuous of the other couple to assume their children were even invited. In any case, it’s your time and you decide how to spend it.

DEAR NATALIE: For years my sister-in-law and I have not gotten along. She always has to one-up me, so to speak. It’s exhausting. I get a new car, she gets one. I get a new piece of jewelry, she gets one — and, of course, it has to be bigger. You get the idea. The holidays are always a disaster, where her children have to open their gifts first. Of course this big display is made about how many gifts and what they received compared with my children. It really upset my oldest daughter this year. She knows all too well what I am dealing with. My husband thinks I’m being petty, but I really want to tell my brother that his wife is making me crazy. Any ideas for how I can convince my brother to tell his wife to chill out? — ONE-UP NO FUN

DEAR ONE-UP NO FUN: This is the most first-world problem I have gotten in my inbox in a long time. I’m not trying to downplay what you are going through, but let’s look at this from another perspective. You have so much to be thankful for! New cars, new jewelry, family, an abundance of gifts at the holidays. Acknowledge the great people and things in your life. The fact that you are so hung up on your sister-in-law’s material possessions makes me think that you have played into her game. Do you think you’re being a little competitive, as well, but you’re not willing to admit it? I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, but take your husband’s advice on this one and drop the pettiness. Your daughter is watching and you don’t want her to get caught up in this drama. Kids pay much more attention to things than we think they do. Limit your interactions with your sister-in-law. If you know the holidays will be challenging, meet up after opening gifts to see a holiday movie or eat together. Interact in ways that don’t necessarily focus on possessions.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Try not to immediately gravitate toward the people you already know at networking events. Say hello, but ask them instead to introduce you to someone new so that you can maximize your experience.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have had financial issues over the last few years. We are considering moving in with our daughter so we can all conserve costs. She is a working single mom to our five-year-old granddaughter and I know she could use the help, too. My friends think this is a terrible idea and that we should just rent an apartment, but we view renting as a step backward. We hope that if we live with our daughter for a year, we can save up enough money for a down payment on a small home near her and our granddaughter. Do you think we should do this, or should we rent and avoid potentially wrecking our relationship with our daughter? -- TIGHT SPOT

DEAR TIGHT SPOT: I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Plenty of other families are dealing with the same issues and have to make difficult decisions. I understand your hesitation, and I understand why your friends think moving in with your daughter could wreck your relationship. But they aren’t in your shoes — only you know what is best for your family. You and your husband could save a considerable amount of money, which would give you the leverage to buy a home, giving you the independence and security that you desire. Living with your daughter could be a truly special time, and helping to raise your granddaughter would make for some magical memories. Your daughter would also benefit, as she likely needs child care; having two built-in babysitters could cut her costs tremendously.  On the other hand, you would contend with the cramped quarters, lack of privacy, and emotional stress of feeling like a “bother” in your daughter’s life. It isn’t easy to move in with a grown child, especially when she has a child of her own. Life is chaotic and messy, and this could heighten everyone’s stress level and lead to tension or fighting. I think it’s doable. If you choose to move in with your daughter, make a family contract in which you, your husband and your daughter write down guidelines for cohabitation. You can decide collectively on which rules will stick, and use that as a template for how to get along. Writing out the necessities for a smooth transition will benefit everyone. How will you split the food and utility bills? Who cleans and who cooks? Who helps with laundry? By dividing the work, the household will run more smoothly and see a lot less in-fighting. Once you and your husband get a handle on your finances, choose a move-out date and stick to it so your daughter doesn’t feel like you are invading her space indefinitely. It may be overwhelming. But it could also be a temporary adventure and unique bonding experience for your family.

DEAR NATALIE: I caught my husband of 18 years having a sexually explicit conversation online with another woman. I was totally blindsided and humiliated. He claims that it was innocent, and that it was just a fantasy. He never had any intentions of trying to meet her, blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, he is sleeping on the couch and I am contemplating calling a divorce attorney. He is incredibly remorseful, but says that he has felt disconnected from me for some time. We have three kids, and we each have a full time job. Of course our romantic life took a backseat — but it happens! What do I do? Is this cheating? I don’t want to end my marriage, but I am just so hurt.-- SCANDAL

DEAR SCANDAL: Before you do anything drastic, let’s see if there is anything worth salvaging. Dealing with infidelity of any kind can feel as though you have lost a piece of your relationship and your footing in what you thought was solid. He crossed a line and broke your trust. But before you call a divorce attorney, call a marriage counselor. Cheating is usually a symptom of a deeper relationship issue. You both admit that your intimate life has gotten off track, and it takes two to tango. While you may have just put it on the back-burner, he internalized his frustrations instead of sharing them with you. You were on the road to becoming two ships passing in the night. But he sounds remorseful and you seem hesitant to move forward with a divorce, so take this as a chance to work at your marriage. Your romantic relationship needs to be nurtured like all the other aspects of your life. Yes, you have children. Yes, you have jobs. Relationships ebb and flow. They change, they grow, they die, they are reborn. The question is: Can you weather the seasons? Maybe it’s time to bring back date night. Can you hire a sitter once a week or every other week? Romance and intimacy are vital components to any healthy relationship, but, more importantly, the affection and attention you give one another will be the glue that holds you together. Enjoy one another, appreciate one another, and respect each other’s feelings. He disrespected your feelings, so the healing process may take some time. But putting in the work now may save you both much heartache in the future.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Always ask your new contact what follow-up method they prefer. Some people want you to email them, others may prefer a phone call. I’ve even had new contacts ask if they can message me on Instagram because that’s the platform they frequent the most. Whatever works, make sure you are both on the same page so that you don’t miss any opportunities to connect.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am a married man with children. My wife and I have been married for many years, but our relationship had rough patches and we fought a lot. However, through counseling, we were able to work through it. I have never cheated on my wife, even when things were rocky between us. We have a good sex life, we get along much better now and we are best friends. Our lives are not perfect, but in general, things are good. But I have a problem. I have become increasingly attracted to a single female co-worker of mine. It is more than just a physical attraction. My co-worker is not more attractive than my wife, but she has other qualities. I am developing strong feelings for her. We are friends. I have tried everything I know how to bury my feelings. I mostly avoid her at work, but nothing seems to help. I think telling my co-worker about my feelings would be a mistake because it would make things uncomfortable at work and probably hurt my career or hers. Also, I don’t want to hurt my wife. I don’t know what to do. — DROWNING

DEAR DROWNING: Before you decide to make any rash decisions, look at this situation as rationally as possible. You need to question where your feelings for this woman originate. It seems like you enjoy a challenge within your relationships. Your marriage was rocky, but you fought for your relationship and wanted things to work out. You didn’t stray and stayed the course. You clearly want your wife and love her. But now that the stress of wanting your relationship to work are somewhat behind you because the relationship is in a better place you are bored and perhaps in need of a new challenge.

Enter the female co-worker.

Maybe it started as an innocent crush on a pretty colleague. Then you started building your desire and you projecting ideals onto her. She is just a person. She only has as much power over you as you give her. Then you start thinking to yourself that if you could do it all over again, you could have a better relationship with this woman than you ever had with your wife. Desire increases. Chasing after the unknown, chasing after someone you can’t have, chasing after your own regrets — all of these things will only lead to frustration and a “drowning” feeling, as you put it.

Do you really want to risk everything you have worked so hard for, everything you have built over the years, everything you struggled to keep together, for a woman you don’t really know and who may not even feel the same way?

Let’s say you tell your wife about these feelings. How would she react? She would be devastated, hurt, angry, frustrated, and she may even leave you. Then, if you approach your co-worker and tell her that you left your wife for her, she may be scared or upset, particularly if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. You could be viewed as someone who is sexually harassing a colleague.

Learn to live with your feelings for this woman at work. Stop giving her so much power. It is perfectly natural to find other women attractive, but when you get stuck in your head the way, you are only going to stress yourself out. We always want what we can’t have. Redirect your energies to your wife. Find new ways to have fun together. Remember why you married her in the first place.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don’t spend too much time with one person at a networking event. Work the room. It is OK to end a conversation by saying, “I don’t want to hold you up and I know we both want to mingle, but I really enjoyed our conversation.” Then ask for a business card and follow up at a later date.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My husband seems to think it is OK to run red lights. There have been five instances in the last week where he gunned it through red lights as they changed from yellow. He goes through periods like this where his driving is very aggressive. He coaches a girls' sport in the summer and his driving after games is terrible. If there is a loss, he takes it out in his driving and on other drivers. When I protest, he tells me to shut up. I am at the end of my rope and don’t even want to go anywhere with him. I can say something, but it is going to make it worse. I just want some pointers so I don't end up divorced over this. -- PASSIVE PASSENGER

DEAR PASSIVE PASSENGER: This doesn’t sound like a driving problem, this sounds like a anger management issue that he is channeling through his driving. Look, we all have our moments. We yell at a driver in front of us when we are really frustrated about work. We gun through a light because we are running late and feeling entitled. We take our aggression, anxiety and frustration out on the road and the people on it because it is safe. Everyone is in their cars. We can yell and never see someone again. We feel empowered in our anger in these moments. And where does it get us? Heart rate goes up, feelings intensify, and we rarely get where we are going any faster.

I would have this conversation with your husband again but not in the car. Do not do this when you are both in the vehicle and he is more likely to verbally accost you. Being told to shut up is disrespectful and unnecessary. I would wait until he is in a calmer head space and bring this up, focusing on how his yelling made you feel.

You could say something like this: “I want to talk about how your driving is impacting me and everyone around us. Telling me to ‘shut up’ the other day was hurtful and has been weighing on me. I love you, and I’m worried that you are angry about something other than driving. Can we talk about what is really bothering you?”

If he refuses to discuss it, tell him you aren’t going to be in the car while he’s driving until he opens up, and he isn’t going to be driving with your kids, either. It sounds harsh, but he is putting other people in danger, not just himself. Stick to your principles and wait. He may come around. If he does decide to tell you what is going on, just listen. Do not interject. Allow him to express himself, then work towards a solution together. You are on the same team, not adversaries and he needs to know that when he is hurting, you both are.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)