DEAR NATALIE: I was really disappointed by this year’s Valentine’s Day gift from my husband. You know what he got me? Nothing. He got me nothing. Yes, we’ve been married for more than 20 years, but why should that matter? He said we “don’t need to celebrate these things at this point.” I was really upset and now he’s annoyed with me for being upset. It ruined our whole weekend. I told him he could just be “spontaneously romantic” and then he laughed. Any help in getting the romance back? I am feeling depressed about it all. -- WOOED OUT

DEAR WOOED OUT: I can’t even begin to tell you how many women I have met who have asked me about the death of romance in relationships. It comes down to feeling appreciated — the little niceties of life can go a long way. A bouquet of flowers, a box of candy, a love note, these things have endured because of how they make us feel: wanted, loved and noticed. When you remove them or their equivalent, it is easy to feel resentful or hurt.

Some people don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day for their own reasons, and that is fine. Not everyone buys into this holiday, especially after researching the actual origins of it. (Take five to Google it — it’s quite a story!) I encourage those people to find other reasons to leave love notes, bring home flowers or do the dishes. I encourage everyone in all relationships, whether romantic or platonic, to show appreciation and love for the people in your lives. Bring this up to your husband, but don’t frame it by saying what he did wrong; talk about how it made you feel to be ignored on that particular day. Tell him you need reminders that he loves you every once in a while. You would like to be wooed! There shouldn’t be an expiration date on romantic gestures. He may not turn into Casanova overnight, but maybe he just needs a push in the right direction.

DEAR NATALIE: I gave my girlfriend a really expensive necklace for Valentine’s Day and the first words out of her mouth were: “Ew, I hate rubies. Are these fake?” They certainly weren’t and I told her that. She wants to return it and get something else, but I had the piece custom-made and so it isn’t that simple. I was taken aback, as she has always admired jewelry with rubies in them, which is why I went in that direction. She hasn’t thanked me at all for the gesture. My friends are telling me that she is ungrateful and I should dump her, but I really care about her and don’t want to end things over a necklace. Any thoughts? -- OFFENDED BY JEWELRY

DEAR OFFENDED BY JEWELRY: I agree with your friends on this one — find someone who appreciates what you can provide. The fact that her first reaction was to insult you does not bode well for your relationship. You took time to think about what she would like. You went out and didn’t just purchase her an extravagant gift, you customized it. Even if she didn’t love it, the first reaction speaks volumes about her. The universe provides subtle and not-so-subtle hints about the people in our lives. It doesn’t get any clearer than this. She most likely is someone who is never satisfied and always finds faults in others.

Reconsider why you are with her. Are you always trying to please others? Do you handle criticism better than compliments? Do you like to be with people who challenge you to the point that every relationship is a struggle? Focus on yourself and your dynamic with others. My guess is that you are hard on yourself and seek out others who are going to be hard on you, too. Listen to your gut on this one. I think you wrote me this letter because deep down you know you don’t want to be treated this way. I’m giving you permission to walk away — run if you can.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week:  If you identify as an introvert, maybe large networking gatherings aren’t for you. Instead, choose smaller events, invite a few people out for lunch or coffee, and focus on the quality of connections over quantity. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband recently forgot my birthday, and it was a big one. I turned 40 and was expecting something out of the ordinary. I thought maybe he would plan a getaway for us, a dinner party, or at the very least flowers and a card. I got nothing. I am so hurt by him. When I told him that I was upset, he just shrugged and said, “What do you want me to do?” It really upset me. I shouldn’t have to ask for something for my birthday and I shouldn’t have to plan it. I have been so mad and we haven’t talked about it since. It’s been really awkward in our house — I can tell he’s walking on eggshells around me, but he hasn’t made any effort otherwise. Is it on me to break the ice? I feel like he should be apologizing. If he doesn’t say he’s sorry, how can I let go of this?

-- BIRTHDAY BLUES

DEAR BIRTHDAY BLUES: It shouldn’t be on you to break the ice, but considering he seems pretty dense, you may have to do it. The fact that he forgot your 40th birthday, was not remorseful about it and made no attempt to fix the situation is a relationship red flag. If you don’t care about your partner’s feelings or acknowledge important milestones, how can you grow together? I would say this: “I was hurt when you forgot my birthday. More than anything, I was upset you didn’t seem to care that you forgot. Can you explain to me why you reacted so flippantly? I want to be with someone who respects me and loves me, and I am not feeling that way right now in this relationship. I’m having a hard time moving past this.” Notice that I made the language specific and focused on your feelings. If you say things like “you always…” or “you never…,” it could lead him to deflect and become defensive. Keep it specific to how you felt and provide real space for that conversation to unfold. Maybe he’s embarrassed by his behavior. Maybe he’s annoyed with himself. I hope he is. I hope that he recognizes how he hurt you. But I also hope he is willing to repair the relationship by acknowledging your feelings, apologizing and doing something to make up for it. We all make mistakes, but it’s how we handle fixing the relationship that matters.

DEAR NATALIE: My wife has a busy life and a hectic work schedule. We have two small children and she works full-time as a lawyer. I am also a lawyer, but she always seems to have more to do than me. Whenever we are home from work, there’s homework to do, dinner to make and clothes to put away. I keep telling her it’ll get done, but then she becomes exasperated with me. “Who’s going to do it?” she says. I have offered to get a cleaning service or a part-time nanny to help her, but she says that there are better things to spend money on. At the end of the day, she’s exhausted and really irritable toward me. I want to do something to make her feel better, like a vacation, but I’m worried she will say that we don’t have time for it. What can I do to make her happier? I don’t want this to hurt our relationship. -- FRUSTRATED HUSBAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED HUSBAND: I want you to look up the term “emotional labor.” I want you to study what you just wrote to me. Reflect. Recognize your role in all of this. Your wife is doing the same job as you, but when she comes home, her role as house manager kicks in and your work appears done. She has every right to be irritable and exasperated — she feels like everything at home is falling on her shoulders. Instead of offering to hire a cleaning service, fold the laundry when you see it in the dryer. (You do know where your dryer is, right?) Instead of asking what you can do to “help,” take a proactive role as a partner: See what needs to be done and just do it. Also, don’t expect a pat on the back for doing dishes, vacuuming, getting the kids ready for bed or cooking a meal. Show that you care instead of asking her why she’s stressed. A vacation is only a band-aid.  Equity should be in the home as well as the workplace. The real work begins when you show up for your household like you do at your job. Both of you will be less stressed when you share the load.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Wearing a name tag at a networking event? Add something fun to yours, like what your specialty is at work, or better yet, your favorite hobby, flavor of ice cream or something that might make someone take a second look, smile and start up a conversation!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I recently visited a small ethnic restaurant. The restaurant owner himself took our order: a large appetizer platter we intended to share. My friend asked if she could also get a small soup since only a regular sized bowl was listed on the menu. He said "yes." I clearly stated I was not interested in anything additional. Shortly he returned with two bowls of soup and placed one of them in front of me. I reminded him that I had declined any soup. At that point, he sat down at our table, moved my soup in front of himself, and ate the entire bowl. When we received the bill, he had charged us the full menu price. I thought this was highly objectionable behavior for a restaurateur. I usually am not uncomfortable speaking out if I am not pleased with restaurant service, but my friend urged me not to say anything. Not wanting to ruin our night, I kept my mouth shut. What are your thoughts, Natalie? How would you have handled this situation?-- UNAPPETIZING

DEAR UNAPPETIZING: I would have definitely said something. Your friend might be one of those “let’s not rock the boat” types, but that’s how you end up getting walked on and paying the price for it. His bizarre behavior is what concerns me more than the extra soup, to be honest. The fact that he sat at your table, ate soup you didn’t ask for, and then charged you for the soup that he ate is unacceptable. This isn’t how a restaurant owner should act. Maybe there was a miscommunication about the soup, but the fact that he  sat at your table to eat it is incredibly awkward, strange and inappropriate. I definitely would have told him that I was not paying for the soup. I also would have told him that we didn’t feel comfortable with him interrupting our meal by sitting with us and eating food we didn’t order. Moving forward, I would post a review about your experience on a restaurant feedback site and never dine there again.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m dating someone new and things are going great except in the food department. I am a meat eater. I love meat, I eat meat, I hunt meat, it’s my thing. My new partner is vegan and gluten-free. Going out to dinner has been quite a challenge. He came over the other night and we got into an actual fight about where we should eat. I feel as though he is judgmental about food and he feels as though I’m inflexible. I don’t want this to cause a rift between us, but honestly, the thought of cooking dinner for him makes me break out in a cold sweat. Is there any way through this without one of us ending up on the chopping block?  -- LET’S “MEAT” IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR LET’S “MEAT” IN THE MIDDLE: The word “compromise” comes to mind here. The truth is your diet is more flexible than his. If he doesn’t eat gluten, dairy and meat, respecting that is key. You both will have to research restaurants where there are foods for him. You eat meat, but you can eat vegetables and grains and other items, so your choices will always be more varied wherever you dine. If you have to sacrifice eating meat once in a while when you go out to dinner, is that so bad? Now, when you eat in, he should be more proactive in cooking for you and to make foods that you can both enjoy. If he doesn’t want to cook meat for ethical or health reasons, you can always do that part on a separate skillet and then incorporate it into whatever dish you are eating together. Veganism is a lifestyle for many people. It isn’t just about animals or health, but it can be about the environment and the way you look at the world. Being with a hunter who enjoys meat may really be a struggle for him. You may feel judged because he is trying to figure out how to date someone whose beliefs are so different from his own. Both of you can work on being more flexible by reading literature outside of your personal belief systems, discussing ideas and, more importantly, trying new foods together. Have you ever made a gluten-free, vegan dish? You may love it! Think of something that you really enjoy and then find a way to do a version of that so he can try it as well. There is a way to “meat” in the middle, so to speak, but it will all be based on mutual trust and understanding. Take baby steps forward, communicate your feelings and keep an open mind.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Be aware of your body language. Are you slouched and looking uninterested? Have your arms crossed or appear agitated? People react to your physicality before they decide to approach you, so remember: Smile, engage in conversation and keep your body language open and positive!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)