DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have a really good relationship. But recently, he has been really weird about his phone. Every time I come around, he grabs it and pretends like he was looking at something important. It’s starting to make me paranoid. Then, when he was in the shower, I took his phone to look on it (I know, that’s bad, but I was really suspicious) and he changed his password. We always had each other’s passwords so now I don’t know what to do. Do you think he’s cheating on me? -- PHONE ALERT

DEAR PHONE ALERT: This must be a relatively new behavior since it has taken you by surprise. You could play this two ways. You could come out directly and just ask him what is going on. You could say something like, “I know this is going to sound weird, but you’ve been really possessive about your phone lately. I am not trying to jump to conclusions, but I am wondering why?” Or you could take a slightly “sneakier” approach and say something like, “I forgot your password to your phone, what is it again?” If he gets defensive, especially when he hadn’t been defensive about it in the past, a red flag would go up for me. But, if he says something like, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel that way, work (or something) has been crazy lately and I’ve been dealing with a lot on my plate…,” then maybe it’s nothing. At the end of the day, follow your instincts but remain calm until you have enough information to know what’s best to do for you.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Even if you are nervous about going to a networking event, try to arrive on time or even early. There will be fewer people to contend with, which means making connections will be easier.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE:  I witnessed my sister, Clara, being really hard on her daughter, Olive, recently over food. My niece is on the “chubby” side, but who cares? She’s a sweet, healthy and smart 11-year-old kid. She went to have a few Christmas cookies at my house and my sister told her she needed to “quit indulging.” My niece looked really sad and put them back, but later I saw her sneak a few upstairs. I didn’t say anything but it has really been bothering me. I don’t know if my sister is honestly aware that she body-shamed her daughter. My sister is really beautiful and very particular about her appearance. She’s very disciplined about food and cooks really healthy meals for her family. What’s the harm in a few cookies? Should I say anything? I just don’t want my niece to grow up equating her worth to her waist size like so many of us do. -- NOT SO SWEET

DEAR NOT SO SWEET: Eleven-year-olds shouldn’t be fat shamed. Period. Ever. End of conversation. Your sister did so unknowingly because I am sure she has internalized her own issues of food and need for perfection in her mind. Restricting what/how much her daughter can and cannot eat, may lead to the behavior that you witnessed, which is sneaking food. This could turn into disordered eating and possibly bigger issues as she gets older. Your niece is approaching puberty. It’s a time where many young people feel awkward, emotionally fragile, confused, uncomfortable in their bodies, and insecure. I truly believe every parent is doing the best they can with what they have. Your sister probably thinks she is being helpful to her daughter. Maybe say something like, “Hey, I noticed the other day that Olive went for a few of those awesome cookies and you told her to stop indulging. I’m just concerned that phrases like that may make her feel weird about eating in front of you. I know you love her more than anything, but I’ve been doing some reading and thought I would share some of the new ways to approach things like this for the future because I know you would never want Olive to feel badly about her body or herself …” There is a lot of helpful literature out there on this topic and I suggest you do a little reading before you approach your sister. Hopefully, once she realizes that her words really matter, she may think twice before shaming cookies out of her daughter’s hands again.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I are making new year resolutions for 2020. He told me at the top of my list I should “work on losing weight.” I became really upset. I do have some weight to lose, but the fact that he pointed it out to me hurt my feelings and made me feel unattractive. We ended up in a huge fight and we aren’t speaking. He doesn’t think that he said anything wrong because I complain to him all the time about my weight. I think he owes me a sincere apology. What do you think?  -- STILL WAITING

DEAR STILL WAITING: Yikes, you better tell him that in 2020 you hope his resolution is to work on being a nicer husband. The idea that he would say such a hurtful thing to you makes me wonder what else he says or does to you. Regardless of whether you want to lose weight, a partner is supposed to be someone you can count on to support and uplift you. There is nothing supportive or uplifting about telling someone that they need to lose weight. Instead of criticizing you, he could have offered to eat healthier with you in 2020 or take an exercise class together. Working out and eating right is always easier when you have someone else along for the journey. What you need is support and love. If he can’t provide that for you in 2020, maybe your resolution should be finding someone who will. Let’s leave emotionally abusive partners behind us as we enter a new decade. If he can’t get on board with that, what are you holding on to him for?

DEAR NATALIE: My son, who has always treated me with respect in the past, suddenly blew up at me after taking me on a few errands. He yelled at me and used foul language. I am still in shock. I think something was bothering him earlier in the day and he took it out on me. He has since apologized (it didn’t sound sincere) and wants to move on. I can forgive, but I am having a hard time forgetting. Any advice as to how I can move forward?  -- UPSET MOTHER

DEAR UPSET MOTHER: I certainly don’t blame you for being hurt. It isn’t right for him to take out his feelings on you. If he was upset about something, he either should have talked to you about it or discussed it with a friend or partner. Please recognize that having a bad day is not an excuse to verbally attack you. His half-hearted apology only made things worse because he seemed to feel obligated to apologize. He didn’t recognize his behavior was inappropriate and completely uncalled for. The sad thing is, when you rely on someone for help, they can sometimes take advantage of that dynamic and act out. It may seem a little scary to ask him for another apology since the power scale is a bit tipped in his direction. In any case, if this was an isolated incident and doesn’t happen again, try to put it behind you and move forward. However, if he acts out again, you may need to say something. As long as you don’t feel in physical danger, it is important that you set boundaries with anyone in your life, including your children. He doesn’t have the right to mistreat you. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, no matter our age.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Need a few conversation starters that don’t involve “What do you do for a living?” Try these: “What brought you to this event?” “What do you think about the event?” “How do you know (insert person’s name here)”? These open-ended questions may get the person to start talking about themselves and kick off a conversation.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I have no interest in celebrating Christmas this year. I have been wanting to “cancel” this holiday for years now, but this is the year. I am depressed and annoyed by all things holiday. Normally, I send out cards, cookies, gifts, party invites ... but I have no interest. I lost my husband of 30-plus years recently to an illness and am just feeling sad and uninspired. Everyone is getting on me about not being in the “spirit,” but I just don’t have it in me. How do I avoid the holiday shaming and just be a Scrooge without apology? -- BAH, HUMBUG

DEAR BAH, HUMBUG: First, I am so sorry for your loss. The holidays can be incredibly difficult for anyone, let alone someone who is grieving. You are allowed to give yourself permission to do whatever it is that you need to do to get through this time of year. I don’t blame you for wanting to ignore the holidays this year. Or any year, for that matter. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Stick to your vision of having a quiet season free of the stresses of the holidays. Allow yourself space to grieve and allow yourself time for self-care. Instead of spending the money on holiday decor, food, presents and cards, why not take yourself on an overnight trip? Stay at a hotel in your city and pamper yourself for a day at a spa. If that isn’t feasible, buy your favorite foods and make a meal for yourself while you watch a favorite (non-holiday) movie while you do a facemask. Whatever it is that you decide, make it about finding a little joy for yourself. I’m sure your family and friends just feel sad for you and think they are being helpful. Our society is not structured to deal with emotions, especially grief. We hide our fear of death, we don’t discuss much when someone dies, and we try to “move on.” You don’t have to play into any of that. Take care of yourself this season. If anyone has a problem with it, show them the door.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m invited to so many events over the next several weeks I feel as though I am going to go broke bringing hostess gifts. Any suggestions on how to still show appreciation without breaking the bank? —GRATEFUL BUT BROKE

DEAR GRATEFUL BUT BROKE: ’Tis the season to be jolly ... and spend a lot of money. But fear not! You don’t have to break the bank to show appreciation. There is nothing wrong with making a few batches of holiday-inspired cookies and wrapping them in pretty tissue paper for hostess gifts. My grandmother used to do this as part of our Christmas gifts. I knew the start of the season began when we received colorful tins in the mail from Iowa filled with delicious cookies of all kinds. With apps like Pinterest, the possibilities of recipes are endless. Check out how to make peppermint bark, red velvet crinkle cookies or classic gingerbread men. You can freeze the dough to use throughout the month and have plenty of holiday cheer to share!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week:  The end of the year is a great time to update your contact list, circle back with new contacts that you would like to connect with in the upcoming year, and make a list of goals for 2020 to help start your new year of networking off on the right foot.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)