DEAR NATALIE: I have been recently inspired to start eating healthier because of a doctor’s visit that shed some light on some underlying health issues that I am starting to have. My husband, however, is not being supportive about this new lifestyle I am embarking on. I do all of the cooking in our home and now he is demanding that I make him separate meals because he eats “real food” and not that “healthy junk” that I am trying to eat more of. Meaning, he is not interested in fruits or vegetables (unless they are french fries). I am really disappointed that he isn’t being supportive. He could definitely stand to take better care of himself, as well. I am doing this because I want to live a longer, more active life, be there for our grandchildren and just feel better. Why can’t he understand that and how do I get him to stop belittling me? -- YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT DEAR YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT: It is time for you to reclaim your own power in your home. You are the one who does the cooking. You buy the groceries, prepare the food, cook the meals and I’m guessing that you serve him, as well. My husband has a running joke that he is willing to eat almost anything if someone else cooks, he’s just grateful for the meal! So with that in mind, if your husband doesn’t like what you are making, he can make something himself. I would not start down the path of making separate meals. This will cause you a lot of stress, it will take a lot of your time, and it may inhibit your willpower to eat well. If you make yourself lentil soup for dinner, for instance, and cook him up a burger and fries, you may waffle on your plan to eat healthier. He may be balking at the idea of different foods because he is set in his ways, doesn’t like change, or always expects you to do what he wants. Well, adaptation is what keeps us alive, so he needs to evolve or go hungry. Sound harsh? Not as harsh as the idea of him belittling you after a doctor told you to take better care of yourself. Take control of your kitchen, your body, your plate. Enjoy new recipes. Try to find ways to make the foods you love, but substitute healthier options so that you both can feel satisfied. If he likes burgers, perhaps you try vegetable patties and sweet potato fries. If you love pasta, swap regular for brown rice pasta and see how it goes. Want dessert? Try strawberries with coconut whipped cream and cacao nibs sprinkled on top. Just get creative and see what happens. And if he doesn’t like it, he can try cooking for himself. See how long that lasts. 

DEAR NATALIE: I know the holiday season is here, but I am not interested in spending any time with my family. I have been estranged from them for a long time for various reasons and my mom reached out to me last week about having Christmas together. She said that I needed to put the past behind me and move on. She then launched into a rant about why I am not a good son and how I have hurt the family. Part of this stems from when I came out several years ago and they weren’t accepting, but now it seems as though we just have nothing to say to one another. My boyfriend’s family has invited me to spend the holidays with them and they treat me so well. How do I tell my mom that I have no interest in spending time with her or my family? I know it sounds harsh, but it gives me anxiety thinking of walking through their front door. — NOT HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR NOT HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: You are under no obligation to spend the holidays with your family. You can’t choose the people who raised you, but as an adult, you can choose how often and how deeply you want to engage with them. The idea that your mom called you to invite you to dinner sounds like a nice gesture on the surface, but then the fact that she ranted to you about how you aren’t a “good” son (whatever that means) after you came out to your family is cruel. But, instead of icing them out, I would think about writing your family a letter stating how you feel. Letters are great for these moments because they allow you to express yourself without being interrupted. It also allows you to be thoughtful in what you want to say and not reactive. Let your family know that while you would like to someday mend fences, you can’t begin to build a new foundation until you receive a sincere apology about the way you were treated and continue to be treated by them. Then let go. Embrace the people in your life who treat you with love and respect. And for you and for all of us, my holiday wish is that we can build a society where people can be loved just as they are. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Holiday cards are a great way to reconnect with your network. Send out real cards this year and spread a little holiday cheer!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I feel blessed (as does my spouse) to have met and married after many years of dating duds. We are both mature and established in our careers. My spouse had a tendency to allow his few friends to take advantage of him, financially, however. He discusses it often but only with me. So fast forward to me using his friends for their expertise (only once for each), and they do the same to me. The friends are attorneys and one is in finance. I am in the health care profession. To give you an example: The accountant offered to handle a financial issue for me but would not discuss his fee. I had a quote from another accountant, but my husband’s friend said that he would do the work for less due to my husband’s and his friendship. However, he billed me at the end for more than twice what the other accountant quoted me, and he threatened to affect my credit if I did not pay. My husband agrees that he was wrong but seems powerless to confront any of them when these types of things happen. So now I look like the nut job wife that this poor guy married because I was upset.I am not going to leave him; this does not define us. But it has cost me financially, and I want to put my foot down. I am aware that he had these friends for years, and no friendship is perfect. But I am really struggling with how they disrespect both myself and my husband. Do I make amends and sweep all of their blatant infractions under the proverbial rug for him or stand on my own? — DON’T MESS WITH MY MONEY

DEAR DON’T MESS WITH MY MONEY: I can’t help but think of the phrase: ‘Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me,’ which seems to ring true here. You know now that these guys can’t be trusted. It’s one thing for your husband to want to be friends with these shady guys, but that doesn’t mean that you have to go along with this nonsense. Clearly, your husband is a follower, not a leader. So, you need to be the alpha here and take control of this situation. I would tell your husband under no circumstances are you ever doing business with any of these guys again. You aren’t offering any of your professional support or services to any of them, and frankly, you want nothing to do with them. If he wants to go out with them once in a while, that’s his choice, but make it very clear that you think these guys are bad news. You cannot control who your husband is hanging out with, but you can step in when it comes to the finances. I would make it clear that doing any business with them is a terrible idea, and you won’t support any of those decisions in the future. At the end of the day, you are his wife. These guys are just his friends. He needs to recognize that. Don’t back down if you see him making bad decisions. Remind him that you are only concerned for him and love him. You want what is in his best interest and someone better because these guys definitely do not.

DEAR NATALIE: My longtime partner and I have just split up, and we share a dog. Technically, he bought the dog before we met, but I have basically taken on all the responsibilities with the dog and take care of it much more than he does. In fact, he doesn’t even really seem to care much about her. It’s just now that we have broken up, he wants to keep her just to hurt me. I offered to take her with me when I moved out, but he said no. I worry that he neglects her and doesn’t care for her like I do. I asked him if I could come and visit the dog, and he just rolled his eyes at me. He said, “You are so weak, and this is why everyone walks all over you. It’s just a dog. Get your own.” My heart is broken. Not over the loss of our relationship but over losing Daisy. She is so sweet and deserves better than him ignoring her all day. How can I get her back? — DUTIFUL DOG DAD MISSES DAISY

DEAR DUTIFUL DOG DAD MISSES DAISY: I’m so sorry that your ex is being selfish. He clearly is doing this to hurt you, and unfortunately, he is also hurting an innocent animal in the process. But, I wouldn’t continue to push. Let it die down for a while. He may realize that he actually doesn’t want to take care of the dog and may be willing to give her to you in a few months once emotions have settled. In the meantime, you should think about fostering another dog that could use a safe and loving home. All that love has to go somewhere. You might as well honor Daisy by sharing your space with another sweet pup!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” your mom probably said. She was right. Especially at networking events, don’t eat the appetizers until you are done networking. No one wants to talk to people with their mouths full or with garlic breath.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am a 36-year-old man in love with an amazing woman. We’ve known each other since high school and have held each other up through the roughest times in our lives — my divorce and depression, her ill father and abusive ex-boyfriend. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, and she’s great with my kids to the point that I could imagine her as the perfect stepmom to them. A few weeks ago, I took a chance and expressed my feelings for her. She rejected me, then acted as if nothing had happened. She continued texting me regularly and tagging me on social media as though she expected nothing to change. I asked her to stop contacting me, but that made her irrationally angry. She says I’m throwing away a 20-year friendship, but she is the one throwing it away. She says she “misses” her “best friend,” but I have plenty of friends. What I need is a romantic partner. I feel as though she is trying to have things both ways, keeping me around as long as it suits her but never too close. How do I get her to get off the fence and make up her mind? To either decide that she wants to be with me properly or to decide that she doesn’t and let me go on my way without her complicating things? -- LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME

DEAR LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME: You know what you need to do. In a way, you already did it and found her answer. When you told her your feelings and she rebuffed you, ignored you and then proceeded to act as though nothing had happened, that really said it all. Move on from her. Cut off communication with her and recognize that perhaps she was a crutch to you when you needed one, but now what you need is someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. 

DEAR NATALIE: I have been trying to deal with my husband’s infidelity for a while now. He had been having an affair a few years back, but when I confronted him, he stopped. Recently, we decided to sell our house and separate to see if living apart would be the solution. I found out that he has a girlfriend who has been staying at his new place. I am livid. It was his idea to get separate spaces saying that “he needed time to think” and instead he’s just with another woman. What should I do? We have two college-aged children and they are sick and tired of seeing us like this. My children think that we should divorce once and for all but I still have my hesitations about that. I don’t like the idea of being divorced. What do you think is the best route forward?  — DIVORCE OR STAY

DEAR DIVORCE OR STAY: Leave him. Think of the example you are setting for your children. What does it say to them to have them see your husband to continually disrespect you in this way? They are watching everything that you do, and if they see this behavior, they could be likely to mimic it in their own relationships down the road. If nothing else, please start seeking counseling to help you deal with some of the deeply rooted issues that are preventing you from moving forward in your life. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Redirect your energy to things that make you feel good about yourself. This drama is for the birds.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: When you are at a networking event, take care not to overindulge in alcohol. Sometimes we reach for a drink when we are nervous, but make sure you keep your wits about you. You only want people to have a good impression of you, not a sloppy one.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)