DEAR NATALIE: Several years ago my husband and I moved our family to this area. We are both on our second marriage and have children from those previous marriages as well as two children together. We chose to move here in part because my children’s father lives here and it made joint custody easier. In order to keep my husband’s teenage son in his life, his ex-wife agreed to move to the area as well and has been living in a small carriage house in our backyard since then. Our agreement was that she would move out when the son turned 18 but that did not happen. He refuses to ask her to leave. Our two young children visit her often and he thinks it’s wonderful that she has become “like a grandmother” to them. He says it takes a village to raise children and I’m being petty and jealous. Is he crazy or am I? -- NOT A SISTER WIFE

DEAR NOT A SISTER WIFE: He's gaslighting you. You are not crazy. While I can understand why your husband would think this is a good arrangement for the children, they could still visit her regardless of where she resides and she doesn't need to live in your backyard for them to have a relationship with her. It sounds as though it is more about where she’s living than the fact that the kids are with her that is bothering you. I would be bothered, too. Here’s the thing: This is your home, right? Your name is on the deed? Assuming that it is (and that her name is not on any legal paperwork) you don’t owe her anything. It is great that you were able to compromise to this point, but now it is his turn to do the compromising. You are not petty or jealous, you are a person with boundaries that are being disrespected and overlooked by a husband who seems to think that only his point of view is important. Give him an ultimatum. Either she moves out in three months (which is a reasonable amount of time for her to find a place) or you do. (This is assuming that you have the financial means to do so). Call his bluff but be prepared to move if necessary. At the end of the day, you are his wife, not this woman. If he chooses her over you, it would be time to divorce him and find someone who values you enough to put you above his ex. Either she goes, or you do. Period.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Nervous about networking? Whatever you do, don’t bury your nose in your phone when you get to the event or stand in the corner checking emails. Keep your head up, smile and keep an open mind. You may make a great connection!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I hooked up/had a fling this year only to have him go back to his ex and get her pregnant. We kind of had closure but not really. I am still friends with his family and friends (as we were introduced through my bestie). However we have since blocked each other. My question is: Do you think we will ever be able to reconcile? — TELENOVELA LIFE

DEAR TELENOVELA LIFE:I guess the question is: Are you over the situation? It’s a lot to take in. You had a fling only to have him go back to his ex and start a new chapter with her. Has he been honest with her about his relationship with you? Does he need to be for you to make amends? Most likely he hasn’t told her what happened. If she knew, would that be a deal-breaker for her? So many questions, never enough tea. The best thing you can do is to move on from him and the friendship. I find this whole thing kind of sad because clearly he has some things to figure out, but that takes time, and only he knows what he really feels deep down. You can still be friends with his friends and family, but for right now, it’s best to go your separate ways and give yourself space. Leave the drama to the soap operas.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: On a recent girls getaway, I experienced a very upsetting situation. My best friend and I drove an hour and a half to the coast for two days of planned activities to relax, recharge and blow off steam. It started badly. When I arrived to pick her up, she was not dressed, much less packed to go. She was crying and distraught, having been up all night with her new boyfriend. I had to help her dress, pack and get out the door. She spent the drive time venting about the boyfriend’s many faults and announced she was done with him. I gave her support, sympathy, a pep talk and tried to steer her into the present and our trip. It took several tries to bring her into the moment, but we did have fun together overall on the drive. The next day, we drove to a local attraction in the redwoods. Our fun was only dampened a bit when she insisted we go shopping for swimsuits to wear in the hot tub. I was not into shopping or hot tubbing that day. I wanted to walk on the beach and to show her the beautiful sights along the coast. She bought a suit, and off we went on our adventure and lunch. As we returned to our hotel, she was texting and she announced that her boyfriend was meeting her at the hotel with her swimsuit from home. She was going to meet him outside and then come up to our room. She disappeared — for THREE HOURS!!! I got concerned after she was gone an hour and sent her a text. She responded that he wanted to buy her an ice cream cone and she would be back. After two hours, I texted her again, asking where she was. She was at a beach that he wanted to show her and she would return shortly. I was in shock, as we had plans for the afternoon and boyfriend was not included in them. When she finally returned to the hotel room she said that she and boyfriend needed to talk. I was upset and said so because she didn't communicate about what was going on and when she would be back. In all the years we have been friends she has never behaved this way.

I am still angry and upset. It was not a relaxing vacation. She apologized and gave me one of her bargain swimsuits. I didn't want it, but she insisted. We missed out on some of the fun we had planned, and I have been puzzling over her odd behavior ever since. All I can imagine is that she, who was widowed a year ago, was desperate to have a man in her life for companionship and to be able to afford to stay in her house. I understand that. She appears to not be able to control herself or set boundaries for her boyfriend. They are still in the “honeymoon stage” of their relationship. All of us are 70-somethings, not 20! I am afraid I have lost my best friend. She is my favorite person, and we have had many adventures. My husband is a homebody, so she is the person I go with to shows, plays, dinner and fundraisers. I don’t see us doing them in the future, as boyfriend may intrude. Any advice on this situation?

-- UPSET ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR UPSET ON THE WEST COAST: An older woman once told me that your 70s are like a second adolescence. You are reliving your teenage years again, and she was loving it. I always thought that was an interesting way to think about aging, and I do think life comes in stages. Right now, your friend is back to being single again. She’s probably feeling a little lost, too. Being widowed when you have life to live would be both freeing and unsettling, and then compile that with grief over the end of her marriage and the death of her husband, along with financial stress, it’s no wonder she’s not acting like herself. But, don’t panic! Like the teenage years, this could just be a phase. She has to figure some things out for herself. Being up all night fighting with her new partner doesn’t bode well for the future of their relationship, and it is clearly impacting your friendship with her, as well. Talk this through with her. Be clear that you love her and only want what is best for her, but that since her husband died, you have been concerned for her. Regardless of your age, relationships are complicated: They are fun, they are intense and they can be frustrating. What she needs right now is a good girlfriend that she can lean on, someone that she can have fun with, and someone that she can count on to help her emotionally work through things. If you want your friend back, you have to walk this path with her. 

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Dress for how you want people to treat you. If you are at an event, make sure you are dressed in a way that inspires you to feel confident and in control. Others will take note and will treat you accordingly.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: At a recent gala, one of my single “friends” approached my husband while I was in the ladies’ room and asked him “why a good looking guy like him was sitting all alone?” She later asked him if she could “borrow” him for an evening out. She recently became single and is clearly on the prowl. It’s not like she doesn’t know that we’ve been happily married for decades. Subsequently, I told her that this was unacceptable, that I would appreciate it if she would keep her distance, and that she was not welcome to borrow him for any reason. She blew it off as a poor attempt at humor, but there is nothing funny about asking my husband to go out with her at night. Your thoughts? -- NOT FUNNY

DEAR NOT FUNNY: It wouldn’t be funny if someone asked to “borrow” my husband for the night. I feel sorry for this woman. She sounds really lonely and desperate. It’s sad that she feels as though her friendships are less valuable than having a man on her arm, but the truth is, not everyone can handle being alone. You definitely did the right thing in calling her out. Your marriage has lasted for decades because you care about it and are willing to defend it and I applaud you for that. I just hope she can keep her hands to herself and recognize that dating a married man will not bring her happiness. She needs to find that within herself first before she can sustain any healthy or positive relationships in her life, romantic or otherwise.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Crunched for time? Plan networking events in advance so that you are building them into your schedule and not trying to figure out last minute how to make it work. When you plan, it’s easier to stay committed to the process.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been married a little over a year, and it seems as though the romance has left the room. He used to wine and dine me when we were dating, open the car door for me, leave me little love notes hidden in my suit jacket before work … now he doesn’t do anything like that anymore. He made a joke, saying, “What’s the point?” Ummm, the point is I feel neglected and unloved. He has totally changed, and I’m not happy about it. How do I get the romance back in our marriage? — UNLOVED HUBBY

DEAR UNLOVED HUBBY: How would he like it if you changed things about yourself that he fell in love with? My guess is, he wouldn’t. It isn’t a lot to ask of someone to hold the door open or treat you to dinner once in a while or slip a love note in your pocket. These little niceties are what keep relationships exciting and alive. If those are the things that you need from him, make it very clear that you are not happy with the trajectory of the relationship. To get back on track, try romancing him for a change. Maybe part of his reasoning for dropping the ball is because he feels it is a one-way street. Pick up his favorite take-out from a restaurant he likes when he’s working late or leave a little note in his jacket before work. Do something that is sweet and that will surprise him. It’s all the little things in life that make the biggest difference, so perhaps he just needs to be reminded of how good it feels to be in love.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)