DEAR NATALIE: My relationship of three years has just fallen apart. My partner moved out last night, and I am so upset. She claims she fell in love with another woman. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. She just packed her stuff up while I was at work and left. What do I do? I want to get her back but she seems over me. I’m so so so so so so sad. —BROKEN HEARTED

DEAR BROKEN HEARTED: I can’t even imagine coming home to this. I am so sorry. There was clearly a disconnect between the two of you that started long before she decided to move out. Think back. What were some of the possible signs? Were you intimate less frequently? Was she making up excuses not to see you? Were your fights becoming more frequent or were you just drifting apart? While you may feel blindsided in the moment, take time to reflect. Sometimes, we see what we want to see when we are in love. It wasn’t nice of her to run out on you like she did, but she may have had her reasons. Maybe she was afraid to confront you. Maybe she had been having an affair and didn’t want to admit it. It could have been easier for her just to leave. Whatever the reason is, you have two options. You can either accept it and let it be or you can continue to pursue her until she at least decides to talk to you to clear the air. But the truth of it is, if she wanted to be with you, she would be. I have to ask you: If someone treats you like this, walks out on you without explanation and throws away three years like it meant nothing, why are you trying to win them back? You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. See a therapist, work through this. Start over. Start with yourself. Reconnect to what it is that you want from your life and what you want from a partner. Time will heal, but do the work.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Reach out to your social butterfly friends for help expanding your network. Not everyone is extroverted or wants to be, but networking is a proven way to enhance your professional life. Ask your friends who “seem to know everyone” who you should connect with. Have them do an “e-introduction” and take it from there. You may be surprised as to what blossoms from just asking.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I just started dating this new guy, Steve. I really like him. We met through a mutual friend and really hit it off. The problem is, I went to a party with him the other night and his stupid, drunk friend was hitting on me. It made me really uncomfortable. He was being disgusting, saying gross things and then tried to kiss me. I didn’t tell Steve what happened, but now he wants to go out as a group again with this friend next weekend. I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to tell him why. Should I just make up an excuse and tell him I’m sick, or something? —GROSSED OUT

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Tell Steve what happened. You don’t have to lie. Ask yourself why you don’t want to tell him. Are you worried he will side with his disgusting friend? If he does, better to know the truth about Steve’s views early on than later in the relationship. I remember when I just started dating my now-husband and one of his friends called me a derogatory name. My husband dropped him like a hot potato the next day. It made me swoon that much more because I knew he had my back. You deserve to be with someone who can stand up for you and for what is right. 

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I recently went out with this great guy and we had a wonderful first date. But then, he didn’t call me or follow up. I sent him a few text messages, but he never responded. I was out recently and literally ran into him in the grocery store. He acted all offended that I had never returned his text messages. I said to him, “I never got them.” But he didn’t believe me. I tried to show him on my phone but he acted like he didn’t even care and walked away. I was really frustrated. I really liked him and I thought he liked me. Why wouldn’t he give it a second chance? --TEXT MESS

DEAR TEXT MESS: This is why text messages make me crazy. Sometimes they do genuinely get lost in the great text cloud in the sky. Other times, I think people say they didn’t see it, but that’s a lie. In any case, if you do believe that he did reach out and you didn’t receive it, you could try reaching out one more time. But this time, I would call. Yes, actually call him. If he doesn’t pick up, you could leave a real voice message. He may not even listen to it, or have his voicemail activated on his phone, but if you really like the guy, it could be worth the try. My only hesitation, however, is the way he acted when you tried to defend yourself. His poutiness doesn’t bode well for how he handles anything that doesn’t work out perfectly. Take this into consideration before contacting him. If he can’t deal with a text mess, what other messes is he unable to handle?

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Volunteer to work the networking event if you are shy. This way, you will definitely meet people who are “important” to the event, as well as meet many more in attendance. Because you are working the event, you may more easily start conversations, especially if you work at check-in.

DEAR NATALIE: We were invited to two high school graduation parties in the neighborhood this summer, but for different reasons could not make either one. In each case we sent a nice card with a nice note and a nice check. It took the first girl about six weeks to send a thank you note. The second girl never did send one. Question: Are kids these days ungrateful, lazy, feel like if they can’t text a thank you why bother, poorly parented, or a combination of all four? --A MEMBER OF THE GREAT UNTHANKED

DEAR A MEMBER OF THE GREAT UNTHANKED: I was raised in a home where you wrote thank you notes immediately after your birthday/ holiday/ graduation/ whatever the occasion. To this day, I send thank you notes because I feel as though my mom will somehow know if I don’t. So, I do think part of this is upbringing. If you weren’t raised to do it, if your parent or guardian didn’t sit you down and make you do it as a kid, it probably didn’t become a habit. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t really teach “niceties” like this, and texting has become the new way of communicating. I’m sorry you didn’t receive a much-deserved thank you. I always appreciate a note in the mail after I give someone a gift, or at the very least, an email acknowledging that they received it. While six weeks is a long time, at least you received one. On the other case of never receiving one: Rather than following up to see if she liked the present, which might trigger something in her to send a thank you, I would just let it go. While annoying, I don’t really know what else you can do unless you want to shame her into sending one, in which case, the thank you is tainted. I’m not trying to speak for all of us, but many of us do send thank you notes, and do appreciate it when our gifts are acknowledged. We do respect the rules of etiquette, but for others, not so much. I guess it really is a 50/ 50 shot!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I’m really depressed. My marriage is crumbling after only four years and my husband wants out. We didn’t have kids, so I guess that’s good in a way. He can make a clean break. But all I seem to do is cry. The vows we took, the words we said,   does true love even exist anymore? I’m totally heartbroken and feeling as though we live in a loveless world. Do you think there really can be lasting love in the society we have created? --LOVE LOST

DEAR LOVE LOST: I’m so sorry that your marriage is ending. It is completely normal to cry. You are grieving over the death of your marriage and that is a powerful thing. Allow yourself this time to grieve and don’t worry whether it makes sense or not. As an eternal optimist, I believe there are chapters and seasons of life that ebb and flow. Recognize that this too shall pass, but it may take a long time. There may be days when you feel there is no love in the world. Feel whatever it is you need to feel, but don’t let these thoughts control you. Acknowledge them, let them wash over you and then allow yourself to think outside of them. Can love last? Absolutely. Does it last every time with everyone? No. But that’s OK. Try to examine your relationship and what you learned from it. What did you learn from each other? Take these lessons and apply them whenever you are ready to dip your toes in the dating pool again. It sounds as though you wanted to work on the relationship and he did not. But you can take this opportunity to work on yourself with a therapist. Find out what you need from a relationship, what you are able to give and how you can express your needs in healthy, productive ways. Sometimes an outsider’s perspective can show us things in ways we didn’t see before. Be alone for a bit. Date yourself. Recognize that love exists all around us, in many forms, in many ways. But it takes effort. It takes a deep understanding of self. It takes sacrifice, patience and tenacity. Like all good things, however, it is worth the work and risk of getting hurt again. You felt so deeply, which is why you are feeling so sad. How lucky you are to know that you can love at such a depth! Next time, I hope your partner is on the same page so that you can find a deeper, more passionate love together. I believe that you will.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently caught my girlfriend emailing her ex-boyfriend. (He broke it off with her a few years back). She claims that she was merely “catching up” after they ran into each other recently. But when I asked if I could read the email, she became defensive. What’s the harm? If she had nothing to hide, why is she acting so shady? --EX-EMAIL

DEAR EX-EMAIL: I can see this situation very clearly from both sides. On the one hand, I completely understand why you are feeling threatened. He broke up with her, which may make you wonder if she still carries a torch for him. If she is emailing him, could it have been a love letter of sorts? Maybe, maybe not. The bottom line is: Do you trust her? Has she ever given you a reason to think she has been unfaithful to you? Maybe she needed closure and wanted to write him a letter that explained her perspective on their break-up. Maybe she wanted to gloat about how happy she is in her current relationship. We don’t know, but if I were you, I would sit down with her and calmly explain that you are worried about the state of your relationship. It may be hard to feel that vulnerable, but you need to keep the lines of communication open. Do not accuse her of anything. Be rational. She did tell you, after all, that she had run into him. If she was up to not good, chances are she wouldn’t have even mentioned her run-in. I can also understand this from her perspective. It really could be an innocent email and she may have been taken aback that you wanted to read it. The fact that you wrote that you “caught her” implies that you think she was doing something wrong. You aren’t going to get anywhere with this approach, so I suggest you reach out to her in a way that is less aggressive. What is there to be jealous about, anyway? It was just an email. At the end of the day, she is with you and chooses to be with you. I bet if anything is going on, it will reveal itself one way or another. In the meantime, continue to work toward a healthy relationship together.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Networking can come naturally for some and not so naturally for others. But don’t let your shyness deter you from meeting new people. Have a friend introduce you to break the ice, or make it a goal to have just one meaningful interaction at an event so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.