DEAR NATALIE: I recently went out with this great guy and we had a wonderful first date. But then, he didn’t call me or follow up. I sent him a few text messages, but he never responded. I was out recently and literally ran into him in the grocery store. He acted all offended that I had never returned his text messages. I said to him, “I never got them.” But he didn’t believe me. I tried to show him on my phone but he acted like he didn’t even care and walked away. I was really frustrated. I really liked him and I thought he liked me. Why wouldn’t he give it a second chance? --TEXT MESS

DEAR TEXT MESS: This is why text messages make me crazy. Sometimes they do genuinely get lost in the great text cloud in the sky. Other times, I think people say they didn’t see it, but that’s a lie. In any case, if you do believe that he did reach out and you didn’t receive it, you could try reaching out one more time. But this time, I would call. Yes, actually call him. If he doesn’t pick up, you could leave a real voice message. He may not even listen to it, or have his voicemail activated on his phone, but if you really like the guy, it could be worth the try. My only hesitation, however, is the way he acted when you tried to defend yourself. His poutiness doesn’t bode well for how he handles anything that doesn’t work out perfectly. Take this into consideration before contacting him. If he can’t deal with a text mess, what other messes is he unable to handle?

DEAR NATALIE: We were invited to two high school graduation parties in the neighborhood this summer, but for different reasons could not make either one. In each case we sent a nice card with a nice note and a nice check. It took the first girl about six weeks to send a thank you note. The second girl never did send one. Question: Are kids these days ungrateful, lazy, feel like if they can’t text a thank you why bother, poorly parented, or a combination of all four? --A MEMBER OF THE GREAT UNTHANKED

DEAR A MEMBER OF THE GREAT UNTHANKED: I was raised in a home where you wrote thank you notes immediately after your birthday/ holiday/ graduation/ whatever the occasion. To this day, I send thank you notes because I feel as though my mom will somehow know if I don’t. So, I do think part of this is upbringing. If you weren’t raised to do it, if your parent or guardian didn’t sit you down and make you do it as a kid, it probably didn’t become a habit. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t really teach “niceties” like this, and texting has become the new way of communicating. I’m sorry you didn’t receive a much-deserved thank you. I always appreciate a note in the mail after I give someone a gift, or at the very least, an email acknowledging that they received it. While six weeks is a long time, at least you received one. On the other case of never receiving one: Rather than following up to see if she liked the present, which might trigger something in her to send a thank you, I would just let it go. While annoying, I don’t really know what else you can do unless you want to shame her into sending one, in which case, the thank you is tainted. I’m not trying to speak for all of us, but many of us do send thank you notes, and do appreciate it when our gifts are acknowledged. We do respect the rules of etiquette, but for others, not so much. I guess it really is a 50/ 50 shot!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Volunteer to work the networking event if you are shy. This way, you will definitely meet people who are “important” to the event, as well as meet many more in attendance. Because you are working the event, you may more easily start conversations, especially if you work at check-in.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I’m really depressed. My marriage is crumbling after only four years and my husband wants out. We didn’t have kids, so I guess that’s good in a way. He can make a clean break. But all I seem to do is cry. The vows we took, the words we said,   does true love even exist anymore? I’m totally heartbroken and feeling as though we live in a loveless world. Do you think there really can be lasting love in the society we have created? --LOVE LOST

DEAR LOVE LOST: I’m so sorry that your marriage is ending. It is completely normal to cry. You are grieving over the death of your marriage and that is a powerful thing. Allow yourself this time to grieve and don’t worry whether it makes sense or not. As an eternal optimist, I believe there are chapters and seasons of life that ebb and flow. Recognize that this too shall pass, but it may take a long time. There may be days when you feel there is no love in the world. Feel whatever it is you need to feel, but don’t let these thoughts control you. Acknowledge them, let them wash over you and then allow yourself to think outside of them. Can love last? Absolutely. Does it last every time with everyone? No. But that’s OK. Try to examine your relationship and what you learned from it. What did you learn from each other? Take these lessons and apply them whenever you are ready to dip your toes in the dating pool again. It sounds as though you wanted to work on the relationship and he did not. But you can take this opportunity to work on yourself with a therapist. Find out what you need from a relationship, what you are able to give and how you can express your needs in healthy, productive ways. Sometimes an outsider’s perspective can show us things in ways we didn’t see before. Be alone for a bit. Date yourself. Recognize that love exists all around us, in many forms, in many ways. But it takes effort. It takes a deep understanding of self. It takes sacrifice, patience and tenacity. Like all good things, however, it is worth the work and risk of getting hurt again. You felt so deeply, which is why you are feeling so sad. How lucky you are to know that you can love at such a depth! Next time, I hope your partner is on the same page so that you can find a deeper, more passionate love together. I believe that you will.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently caught my girlfriend emailing her ex-boyfriend. (He broke it off with her a few years back). She claims that she was merely “catching up” after they ran into each other recently. But when I asked if I could read the email, she became defensive. What’s the harm? If she had nothing to hide, why is she acting so shady? --EX-EMAIL

DEAR EX-EMAIL: I can see this situation very clearly from both sides. On the one hand, I completely understand why you are feeling threatened. He broke up with her, which may make you wonder if she still carries a torch for him. If she is emailing him, could it have been a love letter of sorts? Maybe, maybe not. The bottom line is: Do you trust her? Has she ever given you a reason to think she has been unfaithful to you? Maybe she needed closure and wanted to write him a letter that explained her perspective on their break-up. Maybe she wanted to gloat about how happy she is in her current relationship. We don’t know, but if I were you, I would sit down with her and calmly explain that you are worried about the state of your relationship. It may be hard to feel that vulnerable, but you need to keep the lines of communication open. Do not accuse her of anything. Be rational. She did tell you, after all, that she had run into him. If she was up to not good, chances are she wouldn’t have even mentioned her run-in. I can also understand this from her perspective. It really could be an innocent email and she may have been taken aback that you wanted to read it. The fact that you wrote that you “caught her” implies that you think she was doing something wrong. You aren’t going to get anywhere with this approach, so I suggest you reach out to her in a way that is less aggressive. What is there to be jealous about, anyway? It was just an email. At the end of the day, she is with you and chooses to be with you. I bet if anything is going on, it will reveal itself one way or another. In the meantime, continue to work toward a healthy relationship together.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Networking can come naturally for some and not so naturally for others. But don’t let your shyness deter you from meeting new people. Have a friend introduce you to break the ice, or make it a goal to have just one meaningful interaction at an event so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE:  My credit was destroyed by my ex-girlfriend, who racked up huge bills on my cards before we broke up. I didn’t offer my cards. She would just take them when we would have a fight and go on a shopping spree. I’m a bus driver, I don’t have a ton of money, and I’ve been trying to save up to buy a house. But, of course, this has hurt my chances of getting a loan. I talked to a financial planner, and on the track that I am on, because I’ve been rebuilding my credit, he thinks in about a year I should be in better financial standing about all of the charges. There are still a few charges left on my card that she refuses to pay back. Do I let the charges ride and deal with the credit issues for another year, or should I pay them off even though they weren’t my charges? I feel really angry about the whole thing and I don’t want to pay them off, but my friends keep saying just do it and move on with your life. What should I do? —CREDIT WRECK

DEAR CREDIT WRECK: You are doing yourself more harm than good by letting those charges sit there out of spite. She and you are over. It sounds like that’s a good thing. Anyone who would act like that when they are in a fight with you is not someone you should want to be with. Clearly, you figured that out the hard way. If you can afford to pay down this debt, even if it is a little bit at a time, do so. Don’t let what happened in your past wreck your future. If you want to buy a home, better your life, find new love, whatever it is you can’t turn that page until this chapter is done. It may also be that you unconsciously don’t want to pay this off because that means the relationship is really over. Emotions are complicated and so are people. The only way to truly move on is to accept this situation for what it is, finish paying off the debt and get her out of your life forever. Only then will you be really free to move forward and begin again.

DEAR NATALIE: My father died not even two years ago, and my 81-year-old mother moved into an assisted living facility nearby. Recently, one of the residents has been dropping by every day to bring her gifts such as magazines, cookies, flowers ... you get the idea. She is being “courted.” He even stopped by just to show my mom some photos of his grandkids the other morning, and then they had coffee together. My mom thinks he is romantically interested in her. My parents were married for more than 50 years and while she is flattered, she has no interest in dating anyone. She’s so sweet, however, and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. How does one approach this subject? 

—AWKWARD ROMANCE

DEAR AWKWARD ROMANCE: There could be a happy middle ground here. Maybe he is interested in her, romantically speaking. Maybe he is lonely, too. Maybe having coffee together or bringing her gifts was too much too soon, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be friends. If she likes his company, she should just be honest about where she is in her life. She could say something like: “I enjoy our visits, but I am still very much married in my heart. I would like to be friends, though.” This will either put him off, which means he will leave her alone, or maybe it will open a door to have a friendly companion. Sometimes, as children, we have a tendency to want to parent our parents when they get older. And sometimes that is warranted. Other times, it is not. It sounds like your mother may want some company with one of her peers. Ask her what she wants. Be supportive in whatever that means, and put your own feelings aside. But, if this person is really obnoxious and bothering her to the point that she doesn’t want him to come around, you may have to intervene. You could say something like: “While my mom really appreciates you reaching out, she just isn’t ready for any new friends. I hope you understand.” I think we sometimes forget that people of all ages want relationships; they want love, romance and friendship. Don’t be so quick to assume that you understand or know what she may want, but also be there to support her with any decision she arrives at. As my gram always said: “Getting older is for the tough.” Trust your mom, and be there for her.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Just be yourself. Sound too easy? Sometimes when we are nervous, we have a tendency to “fake” it. Fight that. No phony laugh. No forced questions. Just be friendly and be yourself. Having that genuine touch is what keeps people intrigued and wanting to support you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)