DEAR NATALIE:  My credit was destroyed by my ex-girlfriend, who racked up huge bills on my cards before we broke up. I didn’t offer my cards. She would just take them when we would have a fight and go on a shopping spree. I’m a bus driver, I don’t have a ton of money, and I’ve been trying to save up to buy a house. But, of course, this has hurt my chances of getting a loan. I talked to a financial planner, and on the track that I am on, because I’ve been rebuilding my credit, he thinks in about a year I should be in better financial standing about all of the charges. There are still a few charges left on my card that she refuses to pay back. Do I let the charges ride and deal with the credit issues for another year, or should I pay them off even though they weren’t my charges? I feel really angry about the whole thing and I don’t want to pay them off, but my friends keep saying just do it and move on with your life. What should I do? —CREDIT WRECK

DEAR CREDIT WRECK: You are doing yourself more harm than good by letting those charges sit there out of spite. She and you are over. It sounds like that’s a good thing. Anyone who would act like that when they are in a fight with you is not someone you should want to be with. Clearly, you figured that out the hard way. If you can afford to pay down this debt, even if it is a little bit at a time, do so. Don’t let what happened in your past wreck your future. If you want to buy a home, better your life, find new love, whatever it is you can’t turn that page until this chapter is done. It may also be that you unconsciously don’t want to pay this off because that means the relationship is really over. Emotions are complicated and so are people. The only way to truly move on is to accept this situation for what it is, finish paying off the debt and get her out of your life forever. Only then will you be really free to move forward and begin again.

DEAR NATALIE: My father died not even two years ago, and my 81-year-old mother moved into an assisted living facility nearby. Recently, one of the residents has been dropping by every day to bring her gifts such as magazines, cookies, flowers ... you get the idea. She is being “courted.” He even stopped by just to show my mom some photos of his grandkids the other morning, and then they had coffee together. My mom thinks he is romantically interested in her. My parents were married for more than 50 years and while she is flattered, she has no interest in dating anyone. She’s so sweet, however, and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. How does one approach this subject? 

—AWKWARD ROMANCE

DEAR AWKWARD ROMANCE: There could be a happy middle ground here. Maybe he is interested in her, romantically speaking. Maybe he is lonely, too. Maybe having coffee together or bringing her gifts was too much too soon, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be friends. If she likes his company, she should just be honest about where she is in her life. She could say something like: “I enjoy our visits, but I am still very much married in my heart. I would like to be friends, though.” This will either put him off, which means he will leave her alone, or maybe it will open a door to have a friendly companion. Sometimes, as children, we have a tendency to want to parent our parents when they get older. And sometimes that is warranted. Other times, it is not. It sounds like your mother may want some company with one of her peers. Ask her what she wants. Be supportive in whatever that means, and put your own feelings aside. But, if this person is really obnoxious and bothering her to the point that she doesn’t want him to come around, you may have to intervene. You could say something like: “While my mom really appreciates you reaching out, she just isn’t ready for any new friends. I hope you understand.” I think we sometimes forget that people of all ages want relationships; they want love, romance and friendship. Don’t be so quick to assume that you understand or know what she may want, but also be there to support her with any decision she arrives at. As my gram always said: “Getting older is for the tough.” Trust your mom, and be there for her.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Just be yourself. Sound too easy? Sometimes when we are nervous, we have a tendency to “fake” it. Fight that. No phony laugh. No forced questions. Just be friendly and be yourself. Having that genuine touch is what keeps people intrigued and wanting to support you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am dating this guy and he is WONDERFUL. He is black and I am white and while he seems to be fine with that fact, I am starting to get worried about meeting his friends. I am worried about potentially having children together and not saying or doing the right things with our future kids. I am worried that people (like his family) will have a problem with our differences and not see how much we love each other. I am worried that we are moving too fast without having this conversation, but I don't feel like I should bring it up. I want to be with him. I want to spend my life with him, but I don't want things to become even more difficult for him. What should I do? -- WORRIED

DEAR WORRIED: The only way you are going to get over this hurdle is to go through it. You have to communicate your fears and concerns with him. He may be feeling the same way and not be sure how to broach the subject with you. Because race is an emotionally charged subject with plenty of underlying topics that need discussed, you may not feel equipped or ready for this conversation. But guess what? You never will be unless you have those uncomfortable moments and work through them. I wish we could live in a world where race wasn't divisive, but we clearly aren't there. So to move your relationship forward, you have to take off your blinders and try to see the world through the lens of another. Have open communication, commit yourself to education on the subject and be empathetic. These are great ways to bridge the divides you are feeling and become stronger together.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't be afraid to speak up if you hear of a job opportunity that could suit your colleague or friend. You never know who may be interested in something that you may have to offer. Who knows, they may return the favor one day!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR DIFFERENT PATHS: I’ve been mulling this one over and over. In one way, it may be best to let sleeping dogs lie. It was so long ago, and perhaps for him, burying that past heartache is best. But, as I thought about it more, so much time has passed. It may be a nice thing to hear from a long-lost love. It is romantic, in a way. So, if this has continued to weigh on your heart, a traditional handwritten letter might be a nice way to say how you feel without making direct contact. I would make it clear in the letter that you aren’t trying to upset him or stir up anything. You just want to thank him for being such a special and important part of your life and that wherever life has taken him, you wish him the best. I wouldn’t get too deep into your last meeting or that you broke his heart. I would focus on the good times that you shared. Love runs deep for some people, and it takes on many forms. While he may not have been “the one” for you, there is nothing wrong with holding a special place for him in your heart. Just don’t expect anything in return.

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter was recently asked to kiss her husband’s elderly grandmother on the lips when they visit her. She was told that when she turns her head to kiss her on the cheek that it’s insulting to the grandmother. My daughter has never been a big hugger or kisser in greeting situations, even with her immediate family. We’ve always respected her for those boundaries. If you could offer advice in this situation it would be appreciated! -- NO KISSES PLEASE

DEAR NO KISSES PLEASE: No one is obligated to kiss anyone on the lips — or anywhere else — for that matter! I’m sorry that the grandmother feels insulted, but kissing has to be a mutual decision. There is nothing wrong with her kissing her husband’s grandmother on the cheek, or even just giving her a hug. Not everyone is comfortable with physical displays of affection, and she is not in the wrong for avoiding touch that she doesn’t want. The next time the grandmother complains, have your daughter say something like, “Please don’t take it personally, I’m just not one for kisses.” And move on.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Feel like you aren’t getting anywhere on LinkedIn? Have you tried reacting to other people’s posts? Try commenting and liking articles. Post content that is relevant to your network, while giving your own thoughts on the topic. Being on social media isn’t enough. To make connections work in your favor, you have to engage with people in a meaningful way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)