DEAR NATALIE: My boss has the practice of using staff meetings to discuss rule violations at work. Usually only one or two employees have violated a company policy, but because of the nature of the meetings it is affecting morale. We seem to only have staff meetings when she wants to criticize rule violations - no matter how small or insignificant. The biggest problem is people taking more than one break, and this is done by smokers. I believe a better way to handle this is to talk to these people individually. Those of us that follow the rules are tired of attending these events where we face criticism for something we are not part of. Any advice? -- TIRED OF BEING SCOLDED

DEAR TIRED OF BEING SCOLDED: What is this, an office or an elementary school? Sounds to me like she is a petty tyrant drunk with power. If I were you, I would handle this one of two ways. First, you could go to your HR department and talk to them about what your supervisor is doing. It is completely unnecessary to embarrass someone in front of the group over something like a smoke break. If she has a problem with them, she needs to pull them aside and just discuss the issue privately. I think she is doing this purely because she can, and probably wants to shame everyone so that no one else will take unnecessary breaks. If you have a good rapport with her, you could talk to her directly, explaining how people in the office are feeling when they are a part of these demoralizing meetings. But tread lightly here. It sounds as though she may not take well to any kind of criticism. Word it like this: "I was just curious about the staff meetings as of late. It seems as though the agenda has narrowed to just talking about violations. Would it make more sense to have a separate meeting just about that so when we are in the larger group meetings we can talk about ideas for improving workflow?" See if she takes the bait. Set it up like you are helping her and looking out for her -- even thought it's clear she isn't looking out for any of you. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am curious in the turnaround time of recognizing one's wedding reception guests. It has been six months and one day from the event, and no one to my knowledge has received a thank-you card. I have been asked by two family members and reply that etiquette is up to one year nowadays. Even with that, the bride had her shower thank-you cards delivered within days.

It seems somewhat embarrassing to have not received an acknowledgement before six months. It's almost as if the bride and groom are ungrateful. I am not allowed to be a meddling parent-in-law. -- FEELING EMBARRASSED

DEAR FEELING EMBARRASSED: I would be feeling embarrassed, too. You don't have this imaginary grace period of a year before people start wondering what happened. It actually should be closer to three months. (How can you not have thank-you notes sent out within three months? Come on!)

If you don't want to meddle (but kinda want to meddle), bring it up casually to the bride and groom. Ask them, "Have you sent out thank-you notes, yet? I haven't heard anything from Auntie so-and-so, and I know she would call me the minute she gets one to gush about the wedding again." If they murmur something about "being busy" (aren't we all?) gently remind them that people took the time to get them gifts and come to their special day and that the clock is starting to tick on good manners. At this point, you are doing them a favor by meddling instead of having everyone gossiping behind their backs about how ungrateful they are. Plus, isn't meddling what in-laws are for?

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am in my mid 70s and my significant other is in his early 80s. We are both widowed and have been dating for a few years now. Everything was great. We enjoy most of the same things and always seem to have a good time together. He has sisters and brothers and mostly I get along just fine with them. They are just happy that he is happy again. However, he has one sister who came upon hard times. Since he is comfortable financially and has a big home, he invited her to live with him for free. The problem is, she totally dislikes me. It has gotten to the point that if he wants to call me he has to go out to the garage. I used to visit him occasionally at his home, but I can no longer go there unless I ride past the house to see if her car is there or not. She is not even civil to me. I've told him to talk to her in a nice manner about it and suggest that since I mean a lot to him — his words — and make him happy, she should at least be cordial toward me. He says he did talk to her but nothing has changed. She has told him he could do better than me. A few times he has been extremely upset and said he just can't take it anymore from her, but he still he allows it. I don’t know what to do . Am I missing something? Please help. — SAD GIRLFRIEND

DEAR SAD GIRLFRIEND: It is always sad when family comes in the middle of things for no reason. She should be happy if her brother is happy. The only other thing you can do is make it clear to your boyfriend one more time that this is really upsetting you. But don’t expect much. Family is complicated, and he clearly feels compelled to support his sister by bringing her into his home. It sounds to me that she may have some deeper issues going on and is projecting them on to you. If she is unhappy with her own life, maybe she doesn’t want her brother to be happy, either. I feel bad for him that he feels as though he can’t stand up for himself against this woman that he has taken in out of the goodness of his heart. In any case, plan dates that are outside of the home, or meet up at your space if that is possible. It isn’t a perfect situation, but at least for the time being, it’s a Band-aid.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently got engaged and now realize it was a mistake. I don’t think that I am in love with my fiancé or if I ever was. I felt really pressured by her family to propose, and now I think I want out. Any suggestions? I’m afraid to bring up wanting the ring back, too, which I know she’s going to flip out about. What should I do and when?  — TAKING IT BACK

DEAR TAKING IT BACK: End things sooner than later. If you really did feel pressured into proposing and you’re now regretting this whole situation, you need to tell her. Yes, she is most likely going to freak out. Yes, she probably won’t want to give you the ring back. Yes, she may try to keep it out of spite. You have to decide how much money and sleep you are willing to lose over this. Also meditate on why you allowed someone to push you into proposing in the first place. Are you a people-pleaser? Do you love her but just aren’t ready to get married? Are you going through some other internal struggle but don’t know how to address it? Whatever the situation is, once you end the engagement, you need to take some time for yourself and regroup. Let her down gently, too, and put the blame on yourself. Say something like: “This is such a hard thing to do because I care about you so much, but I rushed this engagement. I realize that I am not ready to get married and need to be on my own for a while.” It won’t be pretty, but you’re doing her a favor by ending things before they go any further. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them.

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Never treat people as though they are “unimportant.” Sure, there will always be a few VIPs floating around a networking event, but everyone else has value and insight as well. Nurture all connections with the same level of respect and interest.

Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci.