DEAR NATALIE: My dear friend and her boyfriend have been together for years, and they recently became engaged. All of us are very close, and he and I often hang out when she can’t. However, last weekend we got really drunk and we ended up sleeping together. I know I made a huge mistake. Now I have no idea how to act around him because the whole thing has me feeling so uncomfortable. I’m worried he is going to say something to her or that he expects something from me. What do I do? Any advice? — CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE:  Yikes. Uncomfortable? That is the word we are using here? How about, “I feel like a terrible person for betraying my dear friend’s trust.” How “dear” of a friend could she be if you willingly slept with her fiancé? Granted, he is the one who cheated, but you also cheated in a sense. You were not a loyal friend, and you broke major “girl code” here. I also sense that you are more concerned about what happens next as opposed to feeling terribly about what happened. The only way to deal with this is to admit the truth. She deserves to know because things are only going to grow more awkward around her and her fiancé as time goes on whenever you are around. Plus, if I was engaged and my fiancé cheated, I would want to know so I could throw the ring at his head. He probably will try to talk you out of telling her — for that reason — but she needs to know. You both deeply betrayed her, and you most likely will lose your friendship, but the guilt of living with what you did to her will eat you up inside if you don’t come clean. Own up to what you did. Don’t wait for him to admit the truth. Accept the consequences and work on yourself. You need to ask yourself why you would do this to a friend and what kind of person you want to be moving forward. Seems to me like you have a lot of work to do.

DEAR NATALIE: How can you be a supportive friend/girlfriend to someone who is really depressed? Sometimes, it gets really hard to be around someone you constantly feel like you have to lift up. Not only is it tiring and you run out of uplifting things to say, but it brings me down, too. If he doesn’t help himself, how can I help him? I don’t want to walk away and leave him stranded, but I can’t handle his depression. It’s been a year, now. It isn’t like this is a mini-phase he is going through. Clearly, he is depressed, and I am really worried. 

— DEALING WITH A DOWNER

DEAR DEALING WITH A DOWNER: Many of us have probably been in a situation where you end up playing therapist to a loved one. It isn’t healthy for either of you to place yourself in this dynamic, and it can end up destroying relationships. All you can do is be loving and suggest that he seek support from a professional source. Perhaps he needs therapy. Maybe he needs medication to get him through this rough time. He may even need both. Whatever the situation, whether it’s an external force exerting itself on him or struggles within, he needs to acknowledge that there is no shame in reaching out. So many people suffer in silence, isolated and alone with their thoughts because of the societal stigma we needlessly place on mental health. If we break a bone, don’t we seek medical attention? When we find ourselves under the weather, don’t we take medication or provide ourselves space to rest and recover? Why don’t we do the same for our mental health? He may be internalizing the shame and stigma and unsure of what to do next. If you can reach out to your health care provider and find a few resources to help him, that would be a good start. Provide him with a list of supportive resources and see what happens from there. Explain to him that his mental health is important to you, but when he isolates himself, you find it hard to know what to do. Explain to him that you have noticed this for more than a year now and would like to support him in any way that you can. He may not even be aware of how it is impacting the people around him. He may just need a gentle nudge in a healthier direction. But remember, you cannot fix anyone. If he won’t work on himself and continues to be a negative force in your life, you may have to take a few steps back from the relationship.

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: It takes time to build relationships, so don’t rush it. Trust builds as your friendship grows, so nurture your network to engage with people over time. It’ll make a difference to let it unfold organically.

Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci.

DEAR NATALIE: I've been invited to a close friend's child's wedding. There are a few factors involved in my decision too attend. The wedding is four hours away in northern Pennsylvania in the middle of winter. The only people I will know there are the parents of the groom. I am concerned about the possible weather conditions at that time of year. There is a hotel nearby that has rooms available, but the rooms are very expensive, out of my comfort price zone. What should I do? -- UNDECIDED

DEAR UNDECIDED: You have two options. You can go, spend the money, meet new people and be a part of your friend's child's special day, or you can send a really nice gift from the bridal registry and RSVP your regrets. It doesn't sound like you really want to go - weddings can be weird enough, more so if you don't know anyone and are stuck in a random location overnight - but I would weigh it out. Is this the type of friend who will be understanding if you decide not to go, or will you hear about it for the rest of your life? If you think all will be well, remove the burden from your shoulders and stay home. But, if you think your friend will be offended, you may want to start saving your pennies!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: What are your goals? Share your aspirations with someone you trust who can give you good advice on how to bring them to fruition. Until we speak it out loud, it doesn't become real, and we can't make it happen if it exists only in our minds. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I recently quit my stable yet unsatisfying job to work with a friend who offered me more money to help her launch her business. I was promised a few things, including a full-time position with flexibility to work from home a few days a week. (I have two small children, so this was very important to me.) However, I didn't realize how emotionally unstable my friend was, and working with her has been a bit of a nightmare. I was tasked to do project management and client development, but she has little understanding of what my role entails, and when I try to do things on my own, she becomes offended. Now she wants to bring in another person, and it feels as though I am being pushed out. This is making me nervous, as I quit my job with the assumption of security on her end. Can I bring this up to her? She also has been acting weird about me working from home, but when I work with her at her home office, all she wants to do is talk about her less-than-stellar love life. I get nothing done and have a ton of work to do when I'm home. What should I do? -- HAVING REGRETS

DEAR HAVING REGRETS: My first question for you is, "Did you get it in writing?" I bring this up because I have been burned in the past due to my trusting nature. Even though it may seem counterintuitive to have to do that with a friend, it is even more of a necessity. That way, when things get messy (and they always do!), you can at least point to your piece of paper for guidelines.

Assuming you didn't have a written contract, it seems to me that you have two options: 1. Put up with her emotional nonsense and hope that she doesn't push you out. Try to work around her neuroses but cap the amount of time you spend with her. (Perhaps only go work with her for half of each day so there is still time to get "real" work done when you are home and start looking for another position.) 2. Just be direct with her about what is going on. Explain that you left a stable position to work with her, and you are concerned about boundaries at work, your responsibilities and the workflow. Bring this up gently, because she seems temperamental, and I would come with documents. Lay out a plan. Lay out the work day. Present to her exactly what you want so that there is no more confusion moving forward. And if you haven't signed a contract? Get a lawyer to help you draft something that is fair and reasonable and present it to her. If you are moving forward together, you need to be on the same page.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Know your worth. It can be tempting (especially if you are just starting out) to undervalue what you do and what your capabilities are. But, remember, you can always negotiate contracts, salaries and perks, so start with everything you want and see what happens. Don't slam a door on yourself!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)