life

Want to redesign your engagement ring like Meghan Markle? Friend sent you a text about you accidentally?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | July 3rd, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: I recently saw that Meghan Markle redesigned her engagement ring. I have been wanting to do the same. My husband and I have been married for about 6 months and I really do not like the ring. He designed it himself, but it’s just not my style. I am thinking that it might be OK to just redesign it since the wedding is over. What do you think? When I approached him about this, he was really upset. I don’t know why. It’s just jewelry. I’m the one who has to wear it. Thoughts? —REDO THE RING

DEAR REDO THE RING: I have really mixed feelings about this situation. I thought it was really tacky that Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, redesigned her ring so soon after the royal wedding. I know she is trying to cultivate an image of a giving and friendly person, but the ring issue only made her look materialistic and shallow. Now, clearly, you are not in the exact same position. People you don’t know aren’t judging you from a distance with no clue as to the greater context of the situation. And while I understand that you don’t like your engagement ring, there is something to be said about the sentimentality of your husband creating this for you. He proposed to you with this ring. He put effort into creating it and hoped that you would love it as much as he did. Clearly, he missed the mark. And it’s true, you are the one that has to wear it everyday. But before you redesign it completely, try to think about what it represents to you. Ask your husband to be a part of the redesign, which may make him feel a little less salty about this whole situation. Perhaps you should try and keep one or two elements of the ring that you actually do like, whether it’s the size of the band or the amount of stones he used to create it. But, after it is recreated, do something to bless this new ring, find a way to honor it now. You want that ring to carry with you only good energy and lots of love, so make an affirmation acknowledging that love shifts and changes and grows. As long as you and your husband grow together, the world is full of wonderful possibilities.

           

           

DEAR NATALIE:  My “friend” accidentally sent me a text meant for someone else. It wasn’t a nice text, either. It was about me. I felt really taken aback by it and hurt. Now she isn’t texting me back when I asked her to explain herself. Is this how she wants our relationship to end? — TEXT MESS UP

DEAR TEXT MESS UP: The only thing you can really do is wait this one out. Clearly, your friend is embarrassed. She probably sent the text in a heated moment, didn’t pay much attention to who received it, and is currently breathing into a paper bag in a fit of panic. This is literally the worst nightmare via text message. Since you already responded to the text, see how long it takes her to apologize. She needs to apologize sooner rather than later. But sit back on this one. If she doesn’t respond, then you really know how little this relationship meant to her. At that point, don’t put any effort into mending something that she isn’t willing to work on. If she does respond, hear her out. She should apologize first, then explain herself. Maybe there was something that you did do to upset her but she didn’t know how to talk to you about it. Regardless, talking badly behind your back would make anyone reevaluate the relationships, but see what she has to say, first, before deciding the fate of this friendship.

           

           

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: If the word “networking” scares you, think of it as “relationship building,” instead. Don’t get too in your head about it. Just get out there and make some new friends!

           

           

Need advice? Send questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com. Follow Natalie on Twitter @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci.

life

What to Do About a Bad Gift-Giver

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | July 1st, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: We have a family member who is fairly well off, yet her gifts are so cheap -- I'm talking dollar store items. Is there any way to approach this subject? Even giving gift ideas does not help. Every holiday is always a disappointment because of this. Any suggestions? -- BAD GIFT-GIVER

DEAR BAD GIFT-GIVER: The operative word here is "gift." We live in a world where everything is at people's fingertips and if you really want something badly, save up for it and buy it. There is no way to approach this topic because it would be rude to say to her, "Hey, moneybags, why are you holding out on us with your cheap gifts?" Gift giving is an art of sorts, and some people are naturally better at it than others. (I personally love to give gifts but always put them in gift bags, because wrapping gifts is another art form, but I digress.)

Be grateful that she is thinking of you at all during the holidays. If it really drives you nuts to open up her less-than-stellar gifts, stop exchanging with her and do something together instead. Go to a nice brunch during the holidays, check out the symphony or take a walk through Phipps.

Keep in mind that the spirit of the holidays is about giving, not receiving, so next year you could ask her to make a donation to your favorite charity instead of giving you a gift you clearly don't want.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Encourage Family to Be Open

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 28th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: My sister is dating this new girl, and no one likes her. The woman is much older than my sister and financially supports her, but we often see them fighting. Recently, we had dinner at my sister's girlfriend's home, and my sister was mad that no one was "going out of their way" to include her new girlfriend in the conversation.

It's been really hard for the family to accept my sister as gay, and on top of it, her "sugar mama" isn't exactly warming to everyone. How can I keep the peace as her older sister who just wants her to be happy (regardless of who she is dating)? -- SISTER SISTER

DEAR SISTER SISTER: Sounds as though there is a lot to unpack here. First of all, it saddens me that your family is having a hard time accepting your sister's sexuality. But I'm glad to hear that you just want her to be happy. Hopefully, over time, your family will learn to accept her and love her for who she is.

Having said that, while it may be challenging to like her new partner, different couples have different dynamics and different ways of communicating. Maybe bickering is just the way that they express themselves to each other. But if the fighting is filled with derogatory comments or name calling, that could be a problem over time if not addressed. And while it may be difficult for your family to accept the fact that her girlfriend is older and wealthier, that doesn't mean they don't have a functional relationship.

I think everyone needs to take a step back and let this all breathe for a minute. Your sister might be feeling defensive or even guilty about the dynamic of their relationship, but that is on her. She will have to work through those feelings and deal with it. At the end of the day, the best thing you can do as her sister is just love her and be kind. Try to open your heart and encourage your family to do the same.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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