life

How soon is TOO soon to attend an out-of-state engagement party with your new girlfriend? Moving and not sure whether to tell your estranged friend that you are leaving town?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 19th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating a woman for just a few months and she invited me last minute to her sister’s engagement party out of state. Is our relationship too new to attend the party? --UNSURE

DEAR UNSURE: It really just depends on how you are feeling about her. Is this someone that you could see a future with? Is this just a “good time” for the moment? What is your motivation? If you really reflect on things and decide that you think there could be a future here, then I say go for it. Have a great time, meet the family and enjoy the party together. However, if you have trepidation about this, then hang back. Just remember this: You may not know which path to take, but spending a whole weekend with someone can really help open your eyes to who this person is, who you are when you are with them, and if you mesh with her family or not. I say go for it!

DEAR NATALIE: I had a falling out with a friend, but I am moving and wasn’t sure if I should reach out to her to let her know. The last time we talked, it was a mess. I told her that I had a crush on her and she freaked out. She hasn’t spoken to me in months but I feel like I should at least let her know I’m moving. What do you think? --BROKEN-HEARTED GIRL

DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED GIRL: I remember you reaching out about this issue when it first happened, and I am sorry that she still hasn’t allowed you back into her life. In this case, I don’t really see the point of opening up that old wound unless you consider yourself a relationship masochist. You don’t deserve to have someone continually reject you or hurt your feelings, and you don’t have to be putting yourself in that position. In fact, moving might be a good way to start fresh and put the past behind you. She doesn’t need to know where you are going and you don’t need to tell her. But, if you are still debating this, ask yourself what you would say to her. What is your reason for telling her? What are you hoping to gain? Maybe going through it in your mind can solidify your decision one way or another. But at the end of the day, when we give our energy to people who aren’t worth it, it only drains us further.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Be on time. In fact, be a little early for networking events. If you are someone who isn’t comfortable in large groups, arriving early ensures less people and less pressure. Plus when fewer people are there, it’s more likely you will connect with someone instead of getting lost in the crowd.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

You Must Tell Your Daughter No

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 17th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter is 17 and her boyfriend is 19. He invited her to go away with him and his family in August to their summer home. His mother assured me that she will be supervised, but I just don't know how to feel about it. My gut is telling me "no," but I don't want to upset my daughter and make her feel as though I don't trust her. Any thoughts? -- CONFLICTED MOM

DEAR CONFLICTED MOM: Your job as a mother is to upset your daughter. It's part of the fun of being a parent to a teenager. She comes up with a scheme and you foil it. In all seriousness though, sending your daughter away with her older boyfriend is like putting a hungry man in front of a buffet and telling him not to eat. The truth is, sneaking around is half the fun, and if left to their own devices, they are going to hook up. (Not that they probably aren't already, but this is just asking for it to happen ... come on. We were all 17 once.) Tell her no. First, she is underage. Second, you don't know what his parents are like on vacation, and third, he's a hormonal teenager. Yes, there will be tears, tantrums and probably some nasty words, but put your foot down on this one. When she is 18, she can do as she pleases but until then, be the mom she needs (and not necessarily wants) in this moment.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Did someone go out of their way to help you with something or help you to make a connection, land a job or improve your resume? Send them a handwritten thank-you note. The art of being nice never goes out of style and people remember gestures that remind them of their humanity.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Boyfriend Sounds Too Controlling

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 14th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: I've been seeing this guy for several months. We are serious and are talking about moving in together. However, every time I stay over, it is very clear to me that there are spaces that are "off limits" to me. Certain things like his office space or his gym space he said I really have no reason to be in, anyway, so what is the big deal if it's an off-limits space? I asked him if I would have my own space then to make it fair, but he isn't willing to give up either of his personal spaces for me to have one (for instance, turning his gym into a home office for me or just sharing the office he already has with me).

I am really perplexed and not sure how to handle this. I want to move the relationship forward, but I feel as if he is hiding something. Any thoughts? -- NO LIMITS PLEASE

DEAR NO LIMITS PLEASE: I do not like the sound of this situation at all. My first thought -- is he cheating? It is very odd that he is dictating to you where you would be able to be in your own home. What do you mean that you couldn't go in his office? What is this, a bad Lifetime movie?

In a space where you coexist, there should be no limits. This is not 1810. You do not have to deal with this utter nonsense.

Reconsider this relationship. I doubt that this is the only thing that he is controlling over. Is this really the kind of relationship you want? He might as well put a sign on his door that says "Keep Out." And if that's the case, you might wear one of those signs around your body for a while ... catch my drift? Next!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Why Bare Arms Are a Big Deal in Missouri
  • Choosing Wisely at the Southwest Gate
  • Opening Your Home to a Stranger Fleeing War
  • Study Links Stress to Onset of IBS
  • Different Ages Get Different Flu Shots
  • Some Prostate Cancer Patients Good Candidates for Cryoablation
  • Make the Most of a Hopeful Season With Festive Home Looks
  • Designing a Holiday Tabletop for a Season Like No Other
  • Light It Up: New Designs Brighten Home Decor
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal