DEAR NATALIE: I have an urgent problem. Our 18-year-old daughter had applied and accepted a five-week position at a summer camp. However, one week before she was due to go, she decided she did not want to go because she would miss many graduation parties, she has a job that she likes, and she wants to take a college course this summer. I let her make the decision and made her call the camp and tell them she did not want to come. I even went so far as to tell her she needed to tell them if they could not find a replacement to call her back and she would go. Well, my husband has indicated that the camp is now short a worker and our daughter has an obligation and responsibility to go. Our daughter has not received a call from the camp program coordinator telling her they have not found a replacement. Of course, my husband has an excuse for that, too. What employer would call and beg you to come to work?  My husband believes I need to make our daughter go and make her fulfill her commitment. I feel I taught her another lesson on making her own decisions and following through to relay her decision to others. Finally, my husband said that we should have discussed this before a decision was reached. I still feel like it is her decision, and he needs to get over it. My concern is he will make her life miserable this summer if she doesn’t go. I hate to see that happen as she is heading off to college in the fall.

-- MISERABLE

DEAR MISERABLE: I’m inclined to agree with your husband on this one, assuming that they have not filled her position. Teaching responsibility means that sometimes when you make a commitment, you lose out on fun things, parties and time with friends. But, I also understand your position. You wanted her to make her own decision, and she did take steps needed to see if the summer camp could manage without her. But, now it seems to have snowballed into something bigger because your husband feels slighted that he wasn’t included in the discussion. Now he is trying to show his dominance by exerting his will on to both of you. I would have your daughter call the summer camp, herself, to ask if they have found anyone to replace her. If they have, then she can continue on with her summer as planned. But if they haven’t, she needs to honor her commitment and work at the summer camp. If your husband can’t agree to those very reasonable terms, then there is something deeper going on with him. He is going to have to learn to let go and allow her to make her own decisions. We often can only learn by falling on our faces, and sometimes parents can do more harm than good by not allowing their children to fail or learn from their own mistakes. Hopefully, he will recognize that soon he won’t be there to make decisions for her, and he had better start accepting her for who she is.  

DEAR NATALIE: Our group of lifelong friends enjoys getting together at local bars for pizza and beers. We all pitch in cash at the end of the evening with everyone being generous, but one friend throws out her American Express card, which isn’t accepted at the establishment.  Even at a local dive, which only accepts cash, she only brings plastic and one of us usually bails her out. We’re tired of rolling our eyes at this, and I want to tell her to carry cash when she is with us, but I don’t know how. She is generous in other ways, and I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. It’s funny, but we think it’s in her genes. Many years ago her father used to carry a $20 bill when he and his buddies went out for beers when they were 5 cents. The guys carried him because none of them had change for his $20, until they wised up and made sure they could exchange his $20 bill. Help! -- EYE ROLLING

DEAR EYE ROLLING: Can you use technology to help this issue? Meaning, put everyone on a group text the next time you are planning a night out and remind everyone that the place only accepts cash. Then, follow up with her on an individual text and say something like, “Hey, wasn’t sure if you got the group text or not, but we are reminding everyone to bring cash tonight because this place doesn’t accept AmEx or other credit cards. Can’t wait to see you there!” This way, the group text makes it seem like you are checking on everyone, and the follow-up private text is a harmless reminder to let her know in case she missed the group text. If that doesn’t work, you could go somewhere that does take American Express so that when she does join the group, there is a place where she can’t get out of paying. Hey, if she won’t go to the mountain, bring the mountain to her!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: There is no “one-size-fits-all” method to networking. Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, there are ways to network that can fit your style of engagement. Try different ideas out, don’t take rejection personally, and find what works best as you work to make meaningful connections!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I'm beginning to dread calls from a couple of my friends because I have to listen to their constant aches, pains and doctor visits. I have aches and pains, also, but I don't bombard my friends with my problems. I hate to hang up on them. Any suggestions? -- DON’T CRY TO ME, ARGENTINA

DEAR DON’T CRY TO ME, ARGENTINA: Some people are just downers. Complaining is their form of communicating, and it can be super annoying to the rest of us who choose to see the cup of life half full. If this were me, I probably would take their calls a little less often. Sometimes, when you see their name come up on your phone, it's OK not to answer if you aren't in the mood. Call them back when you feel more emotionally prepared. I used to tell my sister (back in the day when she was having a hard time in middle school) to spray imaginary "mean girl" repellent on before going to class so that the negativity would just bounce off her. Visualizations really do work! You may want to create your own ritual before chatting, such as a "Debbie-downer" repellent that you mist on yourself before entering into conversation. If that doesn't work, change the subject when things start to head toward Negative-ville, or call them out on it. Say something like, "Wow, I know you are having a rough day, but focusing on all the bad things will only make us both feel worse! Instead, why don't you tell me something nice that happened today, no matter how small it may seem?" Then watch their aches and pains of life quickly dissipate -- if only for a moment. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Heard any good gossip lately? Keep it to yourself! The more you talk negatively about people to others in your circle, the more likely people will look at you as untrustworthy, possibly pushing you out of inner circles. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I recently got married, and I realize I made a horrible mistake. I got so caught up in the wedding planning, (we had a HUGE, lavish wedding) and the fact that I desperately want a family sooner rather than later that I really didn't think things through. He is a good guy, and we had been dating for two years. So, it just seemed like the logical thing to do. I had cold feet the entire time we were engaged, but I ignored my instincts, thinking I was just being silly. But, now I feel trapped. I've been avoiding intimacy with him, and he knows something is up. What do I do? I don't want to stay married to him, but I'm so embarrassed. -- HONEYMOON’S OVER

DEAR HONEYMOON’S OVER: In this day and age, it seems as though more and more people are interested in planning a big party instead of planning a future with one another. When I hear the words "huge, lavish wedding," I immediately think of the fun it would be to plan a party with a professional planner, buy a fabulous couture gown, and throw my family and friends the party of the century. And, let's be honest. The wedding industry makes it pretty difficult to say "no" to the elaborate details. From flowers to cakes to what you are going to wear, planning a wedding has become a billion-dollar industry. 

But, because of that, we have begun to lose sight of what a wedding really means. A wedding is a gateway to the marriage, and throwing a huge bash doesn't necessarily mean the relationship will thrive afterward. It just means you will be eating Ramen noodles for the foreseeable future to pay off those credit cards. And, as in your case, there is that added pressure to start a family sooner rather than later. 

So, now what? 

Well, the first thing you need to do is tell your husband the truth. Explain to him that you had your reservations before the big day, but you were too afraid to even admit to yourself that maybe this wasn't the right thing to do. Let him know that you love and care for him, but it isn't fair to either of you to stay in an unhappy marriage. Then, see where things go. Perhaps he will want to try counseling. If you think there is a (slim) chance that counseling could help, you may want to give it a try. But, if you know in your heart of hearts that he isn't the one for you, you have to let him know. Enough damage has been done, and giving him any more false hope would just be cruel. 

Then, there is the matter of returning the wedding gifts. Because you just got married, you really should send people back their gifts or the money that they gave you. It is the respectful and responsible thing to do. You don't need to explain yourself, but keeping the gifts is tacky. 

It's time to do some soul searching. What is it that you are looking for? Luckily for you and your husband, you haven't had any children together, so at least you can make a clean break. But, if a family is what you truly want, you may want to be very selective in who you date from here on out. Take some time for yourself and be single for a while. Let the dust settle. Figure out why your husband -- the man you have been with for two years -- wasn't the right guy for you. 

This isn't going to be an easy process. There will be a lot of tears, a lot of frustration, a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of explaining to do. (Hey, your family is going to wonder what the heck happened, after all.) But, what's done is done. Now, you need to figure out how to pick up the pieces. You don't want to make the same mistake twice, so listen to your heart and take time to figure out what is best for yourself in the long run. It won't be an easy journey, but anything is better than living a lie. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't be afraid to reach out and ask someone to be a mentor. Even if it's coffee every six months, a one-time meeting or connecting every week, network with those who have been-there-done-that and want to give back. And remember, once you make it, help the next one in line.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)