life

Ex Lashing Out on Facebook

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | May 17th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend of four years and I just broke up last week. It was a rough breakup, but I was so unhappy I needed to get out of the relationship. Since then, he has been posting nasty messages about me all over Facebook and private messaging me that he has less-than-flattering photos of me that he wants to share. I am so angry with him for stooping so low, but I don't know what to do to stop him. We broke up because of his controlling behavior, and I'm scared to confront him. What should I do? -- FACEBOOK MADNESS

DEAR FACEBOOK MADNESS: This isn't just a bad breakup, this is full on harassment. While the rules are still sketchy about what is actually considered online harassment, I would start taking screenshots of everything that he is doing and contact the police to file a report. Most likely they won't do anything unless he physically harms you (how messed up is that?), but at least you can have something on record. Also, block him from all your social media platforms and contact Facebook to let it know that someone is harassing you. It is usually pretty good about blocking people and looking into accounts that qualify as cyberbullying, which this clearly does. In the meantime, lay off the social media yourself, get out and enjoy your life and be grateful that you didn't waste a moment more with this jerk. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Set the bar high -- but not too high -- when you are at a networking event. Managing expectations as to what you want to accomplish when you are out mingling will make you feel energized and excited to network and not feel as though you set yourself up to fail, which can inhibit your abilities to connect in the future. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Dog Visitation After Breakup

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | May 13th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend and I have recently broken up, but we share a home together. We bought the home a few years back (we've been together almost seven years), and now we are fighting over everything, including our two dogs. She says she deserves both of them because they were hers originally, but I have known them since they were puppies and feel as though I have every right to see them. She is really holding fast to this and doesn't want to compromise. While the relationship is definitely over for us, it isn't fair that I won't be able to see our dogs. Is there any way I can convince her to share time with them? -- IT’S A DOG’S LIFE

DEAR IT’S A DOG’S LIFE: Sounds as if this is turning into more of a battle of wills than anything else. If this is really about the dogs and not your ego (and I say this because I don't know the circumstances around the breakup), sit her down and say: "I know we are going our separate ways, but there was a lot of time and love here. I don't want to dishonor our past by disregarding how we used to feel. I know you are upset with me, but I know we will both heal over time. Eventually, we may even be able to be friendly. I really care about the dogs, and I still care about you. Is there any way we can work something out so that we can both spend time with them?" Too much mush? Good. Bring her defenses down by going in softly, sweetly and defer to her. At the end of the day, it isn't about the dogs really. It's about how you want to move forward from one another. She may not realize that having help with the dogs could be a nice thing! It may not happen right away, but over time, she may soften. Just tread softly for now and hope for the best. (And maybe give her something she wants if she will give you time with the dogs.) Hey, a little bribery goes a long way when it comes to breakups! 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Want to get people to open up when you first meet them? Ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves, and the more you listen, the more you can gather information and find out what can be useful and helpful to them to help build a better rapport.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

She’d Rather Skip the Church Services

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | May 10th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: I don't celebrate (a particular religious holiday), but my fiance's family invited me to their church services. Is it rude to say no? I don't have any desire to go to church, and I don't plan on it in the future after we are married. Any thoughts? -- NOT MY THING

DEAR NOT MY THING: I'm all for keeping the peace with the in-laws, but spirituality is a personal thing. Don't feel pressured to attend services with them, especially because you aren't going to be attending them in the future. Be very polite about it, and thank them for the invitation, but let them know that you do not attend church. But, because sugar helps the medicine go down, invite them to brunch after church and bring a pretty potted plant or some small gift for your mother-in-law as a symbol of good will moving forward. 

It's good to set boundaries early on rather than trying to backpedal in the future. It's interesting that they are unaware that you don't attend church, considering how far along you are in your relationship. Are they aware you won't likely be married in a church either? Better bring some smelling salts! I sense a faint coming on! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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