DEAR NATALIE: My husband has four sisters, and he's very close to all of them except for one. Over the years, she's been verbally abusive to her siblings, neglected her father when he was battling cancer and only comes around when she needs a handout. She hasn't spoken to me or my children in about a decade and keeps her kids away from us. So I was dumbfounded the other day when we received in the mail an invitation to her son's high school graduation, along with a handwritten card from her husband expressing how great it would be to see us there. My in-laws all received them, too. 

My initial reaction was to tear it up! (That's what my in-laws did.) But I feel sorry for the young man who probably won't have any relatives at his graduation besides his parents. He shouldn't have to pay for his mother's mistakes. But I'm nervous that if we did attend his mother would cause a scene (which she has been known to do). Instead, I thought about sending a card with a gift of money, but even that could stir trouble. (Once when my sister-in-law gave him some money to help fund a school trip his mother insulted her for not giving more.) 

My husband and I are feeling very torn. What do you think we should do? -- CONFLICTED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR CONFLICTED SISTER-IN-LAW: My initial gut reaction says, "Buh-bye! Have a nice life!" and rip that note up. But, upon reflecting on that visceral response, I realized something. People who are angry and cruel are the people we need to open our hearts up to and love the most. It may sound counter-intuitive, but think about it. You have to be the light for her to look to and for her son (your nephew) to see. 

Even though she sounds like a horrible person, imagine how hard and awful it must be to wake up as her every day, to be filled with so much unhappiness. Pity her, don't be like her. Instead, be the bigger person in this situation by ignoring her nasty, petty comments and support your nephew. 

Her husband is reaching out, so accept the olive branch. The best thing you can do is to show your nephew that he has other examples to follow in life, and he doesn't need to be like her. If she creates a scene, simply tell her that you won't speak to her if she talks that way and walk away, continuing conversation with others. If you choose not to go, definitely send a card along with a tangible gift and not money. Maybe something that you know he will need for college or his post-high school plans. Don't give this woman what she wants, but instead rise above and give her what she needs. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: They say you never remember the first 10 seconds of a conversation (when you usually hear someone's name for the first time), so make sure you repeat their name at least two times during the conversation to help solidify it in your memory. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My brother-in-law loves to give "gag" gifts for birthdays. He thinks it's funny to buy us whoopee cushions and inappropriately shaped pasta noodles. My sister just ignores her husband, but I told her that I'm not buying him gifts anymore because I'm sick of spending time and money to put into thoughtful birthday and holiday gifts for him while I get a $5 joke for a present. This offended her, and she said that he is just trying to be funny. Well, it's annoying and rude. Plus I have all these gifts (this has been going on for YEARS) that are just collecting dust in a corner of my closet that I will never use and am too embarrassed to give away. 

His birthday is coming up next month, and I am tempted to not give him anything. What do you think I should do? He's a nice enough guy, but I'm really annoyed with him and my sister's attitude. -- GAG ME

DEAR GAG ME: I say give him a taste of his own medicine. You have all those "gifts" he gave you in a pile. Why not wrap them back up (or stick them in a big gift bag) and see how "funny" he thinks it is. Sounds a little vindictive, I know, but sometimes people need a taste of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of something that they dish out. 

I would still get him a small "real" gift, such as a gift card, as an olive branch for later if he becomes upset, but maybe if he sees firsthand how ridiculous he has been, he will get the picture and back off the gag gifts in the future. Or, he may think it is the funniest thing ever, in which case, there's no helping you. (Or him, for that matter!) 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I used to be really close, but he’s engaged to a woman I can’t stand and it’s causing issues for our friendship. He doesn’t see what everyone else sees. She is manipulative and mean and I just don’t know what to do when I am around them. He keeps texting me to hang out with them and celebrate his engagement, but I have been coming up with excuses. I recently bumped into him on the street and I know I was acting really weird and awkward. I feel bad. We always had a good time together, but I can’t bring myself to be around her. What should I do? I know he is going to invite me to the wedding. Any advice? -- CAN’T STAND HER

DEAR CAN’T STAND HER: I guess the question really is: What is more important to you? Would you rather be his friend or avoid her forever? The fact that you are writing to me suggests that you have reservations about abandoning this friendship or you would have done it. There is no easy answer here. You cannot tell him that you don’t like her. He will side with her and your friendship will be over. Instead, plan things for just the two of you to do together, and save your interactions with her for when you are in larger group settings (like the wedding!) so that you can easily avoid her. If he insists on bringing her along for outings, bring a friend of your own as a buffer. Be a good friend and support him. In time, these things work themselves out. You will hardly have to spend any time with them both at the wedding, anyway, and RSVP-ing “no” will just make things worse in the long run for your friendship.

DEAR NATALIE: My friend is getting married in a few weeks and his fiancé and I just hooked up a few nights ago. We were all out drinking together one night and it just happened. He left early and we stayed and one thing led to another. We both agreed it wouldn’t happen again, but now things are really weird. My friend has no idea what happened between us, but I’m starting to worry that his fiancé is going to say something. She told me she feels really guilty about what we did and isn’t sure if she wants to marry him now. I don’t want to ruin their relationship but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m one of the groomsmen, so you can see how this is even more complicated. What should I do? -- MESSED UP

DEAR MESSED UP: You didn’t want to ruin their relationship? You sure have a funny way of showing that level of concern. Yes, it takes two to tango, but you’ve really put yourself in the middle of a terrible situation. You have two choices. You either keep your mouths shut for the rest of eternity, or you both come clean with your friend. He most likely will find out at some point, anyway, especially if she is already acting guilt-stricken by this bad decision. While he may stay with her--you’d be surprised how often that happens!--your friendship with him is probably toast. I don’t think I could live with the guilt of knowing I did something like that and never confess. I also don’t think it is your place to initiate the conversation. I would follow the fiancé’s lead on this one. It’ll really come down to whether or not she actually marries him. If she is already having reservations, maybe hooking up with you was her way of getting out of the marriage. It was stupid, childish, selfish and hurtful what you both did. I hope in the future you will take your friends’ relationships and your own more seriously and recognize that some things can’t be undone. Be prepared to lose your friend.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Keep things friendly but professional with your networking contacts. Remember, you are there for business, so make sure your interactions don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. .

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)