DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I used to be really close, but he’s engaged to a woman I can’t stand and it’s causing issues for our friendship. He doesn’t see what everyone else sees. She is manipulative and mean and I just don’t know what to do when I am around them. He keeps texting me to hang out with them and celebrate his engagement, but I have been coming up with excuses. I recently bumped into him on the street and I know I was acting really weird and awkward. I feel bad. We always had a good time together, but I can’t bring myself to be around her. What should I do? I know he is going to invite me to the wedding. Any advice? -- CAN’T STAND HER

DEAR CAN’T STAND HER: I guess the question really is: What is more important to you? Would you rather be his friend or avoid her forever? The fact that you are writing to me suggests that you have reservations about abandoning this friendship or you would have done it. There is no easy answer here. You cannot tell him that you don’t like her. He will side with her and your friendship will be over. Instead, plan things for just the two of you to do together, and save your interactions with her for when you are in larger group settings (like the wedding!) so that you can easily avoid her. If he insists on bringing her along for outings, bring a friend of your own as a buffer. Be a good friend and support him. In time, these things work themselves out. You will hardly have to spend any time with them both at the wedding, anyway, and RSVP-ing “no” will just make things worse in the long run for your friendship.

DEAR NATALIE: My friend is getting married in a few weeks and his fiancé and I just hooked up a few nights ago. We were all out drinking together one night and it just happened. He left early and we stayed and one thing led to another. We both agreed it wouldn’t happen again, but now things are really weird. My friend has no idea what happened between us, but I’m starting to worry that his fiancé is going to say something. She told me she feels really guilty about what we did and isn’t sure if she wants to marry him now. I don’t want to ruin their relationship but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m one of the groomsmen, so you can see how this is even more complicated. What should I do? -- MESSED UP

DEAR MESSED UP: You didn’t want to ruin their relationship? You sure have a funny way of showing that level of concern. Yes, it takes two to tango, but you’ve really put yourself in the middle of a terrible situation. You have two choices. You either keep your mouths shut for the rest of eternity, or you both come clean with your friend. He most likely will find out at some point, anyway, especially if she is already acting guilt-stricken by this bad decision. While he may stay with her--you’d be surprised how often that happens!--your friendship with him is probably toast. I don’t think I could live with the guilt of knowing I did something like that and never confess. I also don’t think it is your place to initiate the conversation. I would follow the fiancé’s lead on this one. It’ll really come down to whether or not she actually marries him. If she is already having reservations, maybe hooking up with you was her way of getting out of the marriage. It was stupid, childish, selfish and hurtful what you both did. I hope in the future you will take your friends’ relationships and your own more seriously and recognize that some things can’t be undone. Be prepared to lose your friend.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Keep things friendly but professional with your networking contacts. Remember, you are there for business, so make sure your interactions don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. .

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I went out with this guy (we are both 23) recently that I met online. He was totally nice and seemed into me, but it was weird because he didn't pay for my drink -- at either bar. And even the bartender at the second place noted it and said to me when the guy went to the restroom, "Honey, dump him! He doesn't pay. Good riddance!" But my sister thinks that is harsh, and maybe he was just unsure if it was a real date. I know a lot of guys aren't sure what to do anymore. What do you think? I really liked him, and he wants to go out again. Should I take the bartender's cue and dump him for being cheap, or do I give it another chance? -- NOT TRYING TO “WINE”

DEAR NOT TRYING TO “WINE”: Dating is rough. I don't care what anyone says, there are no rules anymore as to who is supposed to do what. So, in this case, here's how I would play it. It seems as though he likes you because you went to a few places together. But maybe he wasn't sure if you thought that this was a "date" because you met online, and maybe he wasn't sure if you wanted it to be a date. Because he is young, he may be less confident in himself and afraid of turning you off by taking the reins. I would give it another chance. He may have not wanted to insult you, either, thinking that you wouldn't want him to buy you a drink. 

It's stupid to play games with each other. Make it clear to him that you want to go out on a date. D-A-T-E. With food. And adult beverages and good conversation and no expectation of sex right after. Get to know each other a little bit before jumping into bed and see how it goes. (And if he picks up the check, great! If he asks to split it with you, gladly do it, but then take note that maybe this isn't a date in his mind, and how many non-dates do you want to have?) 

As a side note: I have always found that if a guy was into me, or even just a gentleman, he insisted on paying for our dinner. Down the road, if we kept dating, I would then offer to pay, and usually we would take turns. You want a partner that wants to dote on you but also treats you with respect and knows the definition of reciprocity -- in all things. (But that's for another column.)

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Speaking of reciprocity, remember that networking is a two-way street. If someone continually cancels on you or doesn't return your messages and phone calls, remind yourself that there are plenty of people to work with and learn from and move on. Plus, why would you want to take your cues from someone who doesn't show proper manners or decency when making plans?

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I'm concerned for my twin brother. We are both in our early 20s and live together. He has been showing up to our apartment with mysterious bruises. We have always been super tight, and recently he started dating this new girl whom no one really likes. I heard them fighting one night in his bedroom, and it sounded as if one of them threw something. I am wondering if she is being physically abusive to him. He's a very passive person, really sweet, and he falls in love easily. I am afraid to ask him because I don't want to embarrass him. But, I am also concerned for his health and how sad he seems these days. -- WORRIED SIS

DEAR WORRIED SIS: Your intuition sounds spot on given the information provided. Many people assume that men cannot be victims of intimate partner violence, but that's not true. When I worked as a social worker, I found that men who were verbally or physically abused by their partners didn't want to come forward because it was emasculating and embarrassing to them. Our society's constrictive gender roles make it difficult for men to speak out when they are hurting because they fear being looked at as weak. 

The best thing you can do is listen. Tread carefully, but voice your concern. Start the conversation by saying something like, "You know how much I love you, which is why I am concerned that lately you haven't seemed like yourself. I have noticed that you and your girlfriend have been fighting a lot. If anything is going on that you want to share with me, you know that I will never judge you. I just want you to be in relationships that are safe and healthy." 

Don't be surprised, though, if he doesn't want to talk about it or if he doesn't leave her right away. This isn't about getting him to break up with her. If you approach it that way, he may shrink away from you. This conversation is about setting up a framework that allows him to come to you in a safe space. As you build communication, he will most likely talk to you about what is going on and hopefully work with you toward a resolution that leads him to feeling strong and empowered. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Had a great meeting with a potential employer? Send them a thank-you note as a follow-up. A real, handwritten note (not an email!) to express your gratitude for the meeting and how you are looking forward to talking further. It will make you stand out in a positive way and show that you have follow-through. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)