DEAR NATALIE: I went out with this guy (we are both 23) recently that I met online. He was totally nice and seemed into me, but it was weird because he didn't pay for my drink -- at either bar. And even the bartender at the second place noted it and said to me when the guy went to the restroom, "Honey, dump him! He doesn't pay. Good riddance!" But my sister thinks that is harsh, and maybe he was just unsure if it was a real date. I know a lot of guys aren't sure what to do anymore. What do you think? I really liked him, and he wants to go out again. Should I take the bartender's cue and dump him for being cheap, or do I give it another chance? -- NOT TRYING TO “WINE”

DEAR NOT TRYING TO “WINE”: Dating is rough. I don't care what anyone says, there are no rules anymore as to who is supposed to do what. So, in this case, here's how I would play it. It seems as though he likes you because you went to a few places together. But maybe he wasn't sure if you thought that this was a "date" because you met online, and maybe he wasn't sure if you wanted it to be a date. Because he is young, he may be less confident in himself and afraid of turning you off by taking the reins. I would give it another chance. He may have not wanted to insult you, either, thinking that you wouldn't want him to buy you a drink. 

It's stupid to play games with each other. Make it clear to him that you want to go out on a date. D-A-T-E. With food. And adult beverages and good conversation and no expectation of sex right after. Get to know each other a little bit before jumping into bed and see how it goes. (And if he picks up the check, great! If he asks to split it with you, gladly do it, but then take note that maybe this isn't a date in his mind, and how many non-dates do you want to have?) 

As a side note: I have always found that if a guy was into me, or even just a gentleman, he insisted on paying for our dinner. Down the road, if we kept dating, I would then offer to pay, and usually we would take turns. You want a partner that wants to dote on you but also treats you with respect and knows the definition of reciprocity -- in all things. (But that's for another column.)

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Speaking of reciprocity, remember that networking is a two-way street. If someone continually cancels on you or doesn't return your messages and phone calls, remind yourself that there are plenty of people to work with and learn from and move on. Plus, why would you want to take your cues from someone who doesn't show proper manners or decency when making plans?

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I'm concerned for my twin brother. We are both in our early 20s and live together. He has been showing up to our apartment with mysterious bruises. We have always been super tight, and recently he started dating this new girl whom no one really likes. I heard them fighting one night in his bedroom, and it sounded as if one of them threw something. I am wondering if she is being physically abusive to him. He's a very passive person, really sweet, and he falls in love easily. I am afraid to ask him because I don't want to embarrass him. But, I am also concerned for his health and how sad he seems these days. -- WORRIED SIS

DEAR WORRIED SIS: Your intuition sounds spot on given the information provided. Many people assume that men cannot be victims of intimate partner violence, but that's not true. When I worked as a social worker, I found that men who were verbally or physically abused by their partners didn't want to come forward because it was emasculating and embarrassing to them. Our society's constrictive gender roles make it difficult for men to speak out when they are hurting because they fear being looked at as weak. 

The best thing you can do is listen. Tread carefully, but voice your concern. Start the conversation by saying something like, "You know how much I love you, which is why I am concerned that lately you haven't seemed like yourself. I have noticed that you and your girlfriend have been fighting a lot. If anything is going on that you want to share with me, you know that I will never judge you. I just want you to be in relationships that are safe and healthy." 

Don't be surprised, though, if he doesn't want to talk about it or if he doesn't leave her right away. This isn't about getting him to break up with her. If you approach it that way, he may shrink away from you. This conversation is about setting up a framework that allows him to come to you in a safe space. As you build communication, he will most likely talk to you about what is going on and hopefully work with you toward a resolution that leads him to feeling strong and empowered. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Had a great meeting with a potential employer? Send them a thank-you note as a follow-up. A real, handwritten note (not an email!) to express your gratitude for the meeting and how you are looking forward to talking further. It will make you stand out in a positive way and show that you have follow-through. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My friend gets easily jealous whenever I am with any of our other mutual friends. She acts as though we are in high school, almost pinning one against another to “prove” that we are the better friends. I didn’t really notice it until recently. One of my friends was going through a really tough time. My “needy” friend became really annoyed with her and started making snide remarks about her personal issues and how they were impacting our “fun” together. I was really taken aback by her words and can’t even bring myself to look at her right now. She keeps calling and wants to know why I haven’t been responsive. What should I do? I care about her but her jealousy is really ruining my other relationships. --NEEDY AND JEALOUS

DEAR NEEDY AND JEALOUS: This sounds like a make-or-break moment in your relationship. Friendships ebb and flow and it seems as though this friend is allowing her insecurities to overtake her ability to maintain healthy boundaries. The next time she calls, answer the phone and explain to her why you have been distant. You need to be honest with her or this situation will fester and become worse over time. Let her know that while you value your relationship with her, you won’t allow her to hurt other people that you care about. She may become defensive and angry, but stand your ground. Remember, it sounds as though she needs you more than you need her so stand up for yourself. We don’t have to accept bad behavior as the norm. We don’t have to give people free passes because “that’s just who they are.” You get to decide who you spend time with and how much energy you want to give them. If she is really a friend, she will heed your advice and make things right. Introspection is not a strong suit for so many in our culture. Everything is about wanting it now, and very few times do we give space for reflection. She needs to think about how she acts and treats the people in her life or she may find herself all alone.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend forgot my birthday last year and it really upset me. No card, no text, no gift, nothing. I always make a big deal about her birthday and she knew I was hurt, but she didn’t really seem that bothered by it. This year, I decided to give her a taste of how it felt and so I didn’t do anything for her birthday. Now she is angry with me and calling me petty for “getting back” at her. I just think that sometimes you reap what you sow. Do you think I was wrong? She is expecting an apology but I’m not sure I need to offer one. What do you think?

-- MAD ABOUT BIRTHDAY

DEAR MAD ABOUT BIRTHDAY: Wow, with friends like this, who needs enemies? I think you both are pretty caught up in some pettiness that is potentially going to ruin your relationship. Take a step back. Breathe. Recognize why are you are both upset. Clearly this relationship is important to the both of you and do you want it to fall apart because of one mistake that snowballed into something bigger? I think you do need to apologize. She should, too. What set this all off was the fact that you didn’t feel as though your emotions were validated. You were upset by her forgetting your birthday and she didn’t really seem to care. Instead of letting her know that her response upset you, you retaliated. And so here we are. Do not let your emotions get in the way of good judgment. Call her. Set up some time to meet for coffee and start with “I’m sorry.” Sometimes those two words can heal in ways we didn’t know were possible. Say, mean it, and I hope you get an apology in return.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Running more than a few minutes late to your meeting? Call or text to let them know that you are on your way. Everyone’s time is valuable. Showing that you care can go a long way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)