DEAR NATALIE: I'm concerned for my twin brother. We are both in our early 20s and live together. He has been showing up to our apartment with mysterious bruises. We have always been super tight, and recently he started dating this new girl whom no one really likes. I heard them fighting one night in his bedroom, and it sounded as if one of them threw something. I am wondering if she is being physically abusive to him. He's a very passive person, really sweet, and he falls in love easily. I am afraid to ask him because I don't want to embarrass him. But, I am also concerned for his health and how sad he seems these days. -- WORRIED SIS

DEAR WORRIED SIS: Your intuition sounds spot on given the information provided. Many people assume that men cannot be victims of intimate partner violence, but that's not true. When I worked as a social worker, I found that men who were verbally or physically abused by their partners didn't want to come forward because it was emasculating and embarrassing to them. Our society's constrictive gender roles make it difficult for men to speak out when they are hurting because they fear being looked at as weak. 

The best thing you can do is listen. Tread carefully, but voice your concern. Start the conversation by saying something like, "You know how much I love you, which is why I am concerned that lately you haven't seemed like yourself. I have noticed that you and your girlfriend have been fighting a lot. If anything is going on that you want to share with me, you know that I will never judge you. I just want you to be in relationships that are safe and healthy." 

Don't be surprised, though, if he doesn't want to talk about it or if he doesn't leave her right away. This isn't about getting him to break up with her. If you approach it that way, he may shrink away from you. This conversation is about setting up a framework that allows him to come to you in a safe space. As you build communication, he will most likely talk to you about what is going on and hopefully work with you toward a resolution that leads him to feeling strong and empowered. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Had a great meeting with a potential employer? Send them a thank-you note as a follow-up. A real, handwritten note (not an email!) to express your gratitude for the meeting and how you are looking forward to talking further. It will make you stand out in a positive way and show that you have follow-through. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My friend gets easily jealous whenever I am with any of our other mutual friends. She acts as though we are in high school, almost pinning one against another to “prove” that we are the better friends. I didn’t really notice it until recently. One of my friends was going through a really tough time. My “needy” friend became really annoyed with her and started making snide remarks about her personal issues and how they were impacting our “fun” together. I was really taken aback by her words and can’t even bring myself to look at her right now. She keeps calling and wants to know why I haven’t been responsive. What should I do? I care about her but her jealousy is really ruining my other relationships. --NEEDY AND JEALOUS

DEAR NEEDY AND JEALOUS: This sounds like a make-or-break moment in your relationship. Friendships ebb and flow and it seems as though this friend is allowing her insecurities to overtake her ability to maintain healthy boundaries. The next time she calls, answer the phone and explain to her why you have been distant. You need to be honest with her or this situation will fester and become worse over time. Let her know that while you value your relationship with her, you won’t allow her to hurt other people that you care about. She may become defensive and angry, but stand your ground. Remember, it sounds as though she needs you more than you need her so stand up for yourself. We don’t have to accept bad behavior as the norm. We don’t have to give people free passes because “that’s just who they are.” You get to decide who you spend time with and how much energy you want to give them. If she is really a friend, she will heed your advice and make things right. Introspection is not a strong suit for so many in our culture. Everything is about wanting it now, and very few times do we give space for reflection. She needs to think about how she acts and treats the people in her life or she may find herself all alone.

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend forgot my birthday last year and it really upset me. No card, no text, no gift, nothing. I always make a big deal about her birthday and she knew I was hurt, but she didn’t really seem that bothered by it. This year, I decided to give her a taste of how it felt and so I didn’t do anything for her birthday. Now she is angry with me and calling me petty for “getting back” at her. I just think that sometimes you reap what you sow. Do you think I was wrong? She is expecting an apology but I’m not sure I need to offer one. What do you think?

-- MAD ABOUT BIRTHDAY

DEAR MAD ABOUT BIRTHDAY: Wow, with friends like this, who needs enemies? I think you both are pretty caught up in some pettiness that is potentially going to ruin your relationship. Take a step back. Breathe. Recognize why are you are both upset. Clearly this relationship is important to the both of you and do you want it to fall apart because of one mistake that snowballed into something bigger? I think you do need to apologize. She should, too. What set this all off was the fact that you didn’t feel as though your emotions were validated. You were upset by her forgetting your birthday and she didn’t really seem to care. Instead of letting her know that her response upset you, you retaliated. And so here we are. Do not let your emotions get in the way of good judgment. Call her. Set up some time to meet for coffee and start with “I’m sorry.” Sometimes those two words can heal in ways we didn’t know were possible. Say, mean it, and I hope you get an apology in return.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Running more than a few minutes late to your meeting? Call or text to let them know that you are on your way. Everyone’s time is valuable. Showing that you care can go a long way.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: We have season tickets to the Penguins, Steelers and Pirates. We often ask friends to join us. Occasionally, when offered tickets, they will text back that they cannot go, but their child, cousin, co-worker, uncle, etc., will take them. Our idea is to spend time with THEM not who they want to give them to. Suggestions on how to get out of these awkward situations? -- TENSE WITH TICKETS

DEAR TENSE WITH TICKETS: The next time you offer tickets (and, by the way, I'm free this weekend) try saying it like this: "Hi, Chloe! How are you and Liza doing? We would love to have you join us for the Pirates game on Saturday. Please let me know if you and Liza can make it. If you can't that's totally fine, we can rain check, as we may offer them to our nephew and his wife. but we wanted to ask you first. We miss you and hope you can join us!" This way, you are making it clear that these aren't just a free giveaway but a chance to spend some time together. It also makes it clear that you have another person lined up, but you wanted to give them first dibs. It's a win-win. 

 Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Fear of missing out? You can't say yes to everyone, even if you want to, so be selective in what events you attend. Give yourself a budget (both of time and money) that you contribute to your networking and stick to it. Prevent burnout and enjoy your experiences. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)