DEAR NATALIE: I really hate my in-laws. They are mean to my wife, mean to my daughter and have no respect for what I do (I'm a working artist and furniture maker). 

I got into a big fight with my wife's father recently about how he treats my daughter. It was her 8th birthday, and she ended up in tears because of them. 

I keep telling my wife I don't want any of us to be around them, but because they are affluent and she's an only child, she feels stuck. They threaten to cut her off financially all the time. They gave us a down payment on a house my wife wanted. I was fine with where we lived, but she wanted a bigger place in a better school district. They also pay for private schooling (so what does it matter?) for our daughter, and they lord it over us. Our daughter would be fine in public school and in a more diverse neighborhood, anyway. 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to start resenting my wife, but I don't like being in debt to anyone, either. What should I do? -- FRUSTRATED FATHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED FATHER: No matter how much two people love each other, a long-lasting relationship is built on more than that. You must have the same vision of the future, and right now, it seems as though your visions are not in alignment. 

Fear not! This doesn't mean you are heading for disaster (although it seems as though your in-laws would like that to happen so that they could have total control over their daughter again). 

If you haven't already, you should sit down and have a conversation with your wife about boundaries. I'm sure it bothers her that her own parents are emotionally abusive, but she probably has dealt with this her whole life and doesn't know how to handle them. 

The best way to deal in this situation is with a cool demeanor and some distance. She doesn't need to be at their beck and call. Perhaps when they invite you over for dinner, you go every other time. See where the chips fall. Or, if they want to take their granddaughter for an afternoon, make the visit on your terms, not theirs. Slowly start reintroducing authority over your own lives again and gently nudge them to more of a supporting role in the movie of your life. 

Subtle shifts in how you relate to them can reduce the anxiety and frustration you feel, as well as give you back a sense of control. Also, the word "no" can be a great word to learn for future interactions -- especially when they offer you money.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: With all of the insanity surrounding the upcoming election, I find myself in tense debates with people I used to consider friends. Some of these conversations have led to the ending of friendships, which I never thought would happen. I have had to also block people on social media because of their political leanings, and I am saddened by this. How can I keep my friendships with people once I see things that they have written about the candidate and party I support? I don't want to end up isolating myself after the election. Thoughts? -- SEEING RED AND FEELING BLUE

DEAR SEEING RED AND FEELING BLUE: We aren't all going to agree on everything. It would be a boring world if we did. But what can strengthen relationships is looking at an issue that you feel passionately about from different angles and being willing to talk about solutions with people who have different perspectives. Diversity in thought is what leads to great ideas and great milestones being reached. Because you are feeling upset and angry, take a break from social media. You aren't going to magically change hearts and minds from your Facebook posts, and most likely, you are just going to upset yourself and alienate others. Find other ways to channel your passion for this election. Get involved with an organization that supports causes you believe in or help people to register to vote. Use that frustration to do something that makes an impact instead of just venting and arguing with people you would rather keep as friends. And when you are with friends, don't talk politics! Talk about art, music, vacations, books -- anything but politics. Remind yourself why you are friends in the first place by finding places of connection not division. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My mother-in-law makes herself at home in our house as if she lived here. She has a key to our front door and knows the code to open our garage door. She frequently helps take care of my son when my wife and I are at work/away from home. I'm OK with her having a key to the house, but yesterday, I feel she overstepped her boundaries. I was upstairs shaving and my 13-year-old son was in the backyard hitting baseballs. All of a sudden, I heard someone opening the front door. I start down the steps to find my mother-in-law entering the house and calling out my son's name. I ask her, "What's going on?"  She tells me that she is here to take my son to get his haircut. She tells me that she has been trying to call my son on his cell phone, but he is not answering. I tell her that he is in the backyard. She opens the back door and yells for him to hurry up and get in her car or else he will be late for his appointment. Meanwhile, our backyard as well as our next door neighbor's yard has about 10 baseballs scattered all over the place from where the balls landed when my son hit them. Also in the yard is a bucket for the balls, an empty cardboard box the balls came in, and the shed (where the balls and bat are stored) is unlocked and wide open. I tell my son not to leave the backyard in such a mess and to go clean up before he leaves. My mother-in-law tells him "Come on, let's go or we'll be late to get your haircut.”  I asked, "What time is the appointment?" No answer. I tell my son once again to pick up the balls before he leaves. His grandmother scoots him out the door and tells me to pick up the balls myself. The ground in our backyard is soggy and muddy from a recent rainfall. I am getting ready to go out to an educational event. I have my suit and dress shoes on and I do not want to go into the muddy backyard. What has me upset is twofold.  First, how my mother-in-law just entered our house without ringing the doorbell or calling me on the phone. I have no privacy. At any point of the day, my mother-in-law can just enter our house unannounced as if she lived here. My wife finds no problem with this and says that my mother-in-law is a "member of the family" who is welcome to enter our house anytime she pleases. On another occasion, I found my mother-in-law in our kitchen rifling through our "junk drawer" because she was looking for something. The other thing that has me upset is how my mother-in-law stepped between me and my son when I was ordering him to pick up the baseballs.  I can't blame my son because he had two different authority figures telling him to do opposite things and he wasn't sure whom he should listen to. So, do you think that my mother-in-law is going too far with access to our house and overriding my orders to my son? --FRUSTRATED FATHER

DEAR FRUSTRATED FATHER: While it is very nice that your mother-in-law is helping keep an eye on her grandson and be supportive while you and your wife are working, she clearly does not have any sense of boundaries. You are the father. If you tell your son to do something, he needs to listen to you. The fact that she overrode your request to your son in that way was disrespectful. If he was late for his haircut because he didn’t pick up the balls in the backyard, oh well. He should’ve cleaned up his mess before leaving and your mother-in-law should have recognized that. This sounds to me as though she is trying to control whatever is going on in the house because she has access to your space at all times. The only time she should be using her key is when no one is home. This is a conversation you need to have with her and your wife. Boundaries are incredibly important in any relationship, as is respect. Her behavior was disrespectful. Going through your drawers is disrespectful. Overriding your request to have your son pick up after himself was disrespectful. She should always knock before coming into your home, even if she has a key. While it is great that she wants to help and be a part of everyone lives, there have to be ground rules. Talk to your wife first. You need to be on the same page, and then you can have a conversation with your mother-in-law. It may be awkward, but your best bet is to talk it out as a family. And maybe change the locks. (Just kidding!)

DEAR NATALIE: My friend is marrying a serial cheater. He has cheated on her several times during their relationship and she just keeps going back for more. I have told her that she deserves better, she cries on my shoulder when he does these things, but then takes him back. She said that he loves her and she is convinced that he will stop cheating once they are married. She has asked me to her maid-of-honor, but I have no interest in holding up this sham relationship. I am afraid to tell her how I feel because I don’t want her to be mad at me. I really care about her as a friend and want her to be happy. Why can’t she see that he isn’t worth her time? What will it take? Any thoughts on how to handle? --WALK AWAY

DEAR WALK AWAY: Unfortunately, this may be one of those situations that just has to play out on its own. His cheating just isn’t a deal-breaker yet. If it was, she wouldn’t be marrying him. She may be lying to herself that he will “change” his ways after they marry, but we both know that she is just in denial. All you can do is wait this one out. So, you have two choices. You either be the maid-of-honor and move forward in the spirit of hope, or you tell her that you can’t support this marriage and it would feel disingenuous for you to stand up there with her. The first scenario most likely keeps the friendship intact, while the second most likely blows it up. You have to decide what is more important: Your sense of integrity or your friendship. If it were me, I would find a place in between. I would say something like this: “I’ll be your maid-of-honor but I have to tell you that I don’t believe that this is the right person for you. You deserve someone that respects you and doesn’t hurt you over and over again. If you still want me to be your maid-of-honor, knowing that I feel this way, I’ll support you. But, I don’t support his behavior.” Then let the chips fall where they may.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Lower your expectations so you decrease your anxiety. Don’t go into a networking situation expecting to make 10 new contacts. Putting pressure on yourself can heighten stress and decrease the chances that you will make a meaningful connection. Instead, keep an open mind and work towards one

or two quality conversations.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)