DEAR NATALIE: My friend and I were hanging out the other night and she told me that she has been in love with me for a long time. She was afraid to tell me because she knows I’m straight, but she couldn’t hold her feelings in anymore. Needless to say, things have been really awkward between us. I care about her as a person, but have no romantic interest in her. She’s reached out through text several times since to apologize, but I haven’t responded. I don’t know what to say. She’s awesome, but she never should have told me this. It is going to mess everything up now. What should I do? --NOT IN LOVE

DEAR NOT IN LOVE: I can understand that your initial reaction was shock, but it sounds like a little time has passed and now is the time to reassess the situation. I know you feel awkward. But let’s think about how she must feel right now. She was brave enough to tell you her feelings, most likely knowing how you would react. Clearly, she had been holding this in for so long, that she just couldn’t lie anymore to herself or to you. I wish we could choose who we fall in love with and I wish we could always fall for people who love us back, but that’s not the way of life. Instead of ignoring her, gather some strength and respond to her. The rejection she is experiencing is most likely being magnified by your silence. Explain to her that you felt caught off guard and needed space to process everything. Tell her that you care about her feelings and didn’t want to hurt her. Let her know that you think she is a wonderful person and wish her the best in finding love. If you still want to be her friend, and I think part of you does or you wouldn’t be writing me, let her know that in time you would like to reconnect as friends. Say that you need space right now and want to give her space to heal, as well. In time, you may find your way back to each other, and you may find that your friendship is even stronger.  

DEAR NATALIE: I am having major anxiety around losing my baby weight. I had a baby in October and it’s been really hard to lose the weight, even with breastfeeding. My husband has made a few comments about me being lazy and fat, and I feel really badly about myself right now. I go on Instagram and that doesn’t help. Everyone loses the weight so fast and I feel depressed. I don’t even know why I’m reaching out. I just feel at a loss. --SAD NEW MOM

DEAR SAD NEW MOM: It infuriates me how we treat mothers and motherhood in our culture. Your body is amazing. It grew life, birthed life and now is nourishing a life. Wow! Talk about amazing and awe-inspiring. I wish that we showed reverence and respect to ourselves and each other for this incredible ability. But, our culture tries to erase the fact that our bodies create life and look differently after because of it. Instagram is guilty of this. All this nonsense around getting your “pre-baby” body back is absurd. First of all, you’ll never be what you were before being a mother. It’s a truly transformative experience and to negate that is a fault of our society. You can’t airbrush or photoshop the experience away. Delete your Instagram for a while. You need to surround yourself with positive images of love and strength. You also may be experiencing postpartum depression, which is totally normal for so many women. Feeling “baby blues” as it was once called, was a hidden secret and so many women suffered in silence. If you are feeling depressed or out of sorts in any way, it is okay to reach out to your doctor and get whatever support you need. Your mental health is intricately tied to your physical and emotional wellbeing. You deserve to feel loved and supported. You deserve to feel healthy. The fact that your husband is being such a jerk is disturbing to me. His behavior is abusive. You don’t deserve to be belittled now or at any time. You are valuable at any size and your size does not determine your worth. I recommend checking out the writings of Sonalee Rashatwar, a social worker who speaks to the issues of body image and self love in radical ways. Remember, you are valuable and worthy of love. I hope you can find a way to discover all of the power you have inside of you and pass that knowledge along to your new little one.  

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Brush off some of your old contacts. Sometimes, we blow by people and without giving them a second look, we can miss how valuable those connections could be.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I have had bad managers in the past, but at my most recent job, the person in charge was so horrendous, I had no choice but to quit. I liked my team a lot and love what I do, but I couldn't function under this person's thumb. They tried sabotaging me on many occasions, and so without warning, I just quit on the spot. I felt terrible because my poor team had to pick up the pieces, but for my own sanity, I had no choice. 

Fast-forward a month. My terrible manager was fired and now human resources is begging to hire me back. I am torn. I am looking for a new job (haven't found anything yet), but they want me to start ASAP. The problem is, I'm afraid of what I will walk into. Is my team going to hold a grudge against what I did? I know I deserve some attitude, but will it be more than I can stomach? I'm worried that I could be opening a big can of worms. What should I do? I really miss my job and co-workers, but do they miss me? -- BAD MANAGEMENT

DEAR BAD MANAGEMENT: This is one tricky situation. On the one hand, I can see your trepidation in stepping back into a potentially toxic work environment. On the other hand, I can see why you would want to go back to doing what you love now that the negativity has (hopefully!) been removed. At the end of the day, you have to do what feels right to you. What is your gut telling you? It sounds as though you really liked this job and your team. If you want to take the job again, just do it. Take your team members out for a round of drinks to smooth things over and explain to them why you felt pushed over the edge. If you had a good relationship with them before, you can work to build back your rapport. People appreciate humility and graciousness. Don't throw away what makes you happy over fear of what others may think. If you live like that, you'll be walking backward through molasses forever. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Speaking of building rapport, working with a team can be a great way to network internally at your office. Get to know people on a more personal level and see what you can do for them. Give of yourself at work, be a team player and see how you can help each other to build a better network from within.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: We adopted our daughter when she was 3 years old out of foster care. Her mother had a bad drug problem and couldn't take care of her, and the father was never in the picture. Fast forward and she is about to be 20 years old. She is really interested in finding her birth mother. I know who her birth mother is and I could give her that information, but I am afraid to. What if she is disappointed by what she finds? I want to protect her, and it hurt me a little to know that she wanted to know her. Are we not enough? -- MAMA DRAMA

DEAR MAMA DRAMA: When I was working as a therapist and worked with kids, especially teens, who were in foster care or had been adopted, many of them talked about wanting to know their birth parents. It's like a piece of the puzzle inside their hearts that needs to be completed in order for them to feel whole. Do not take it personally that she wants to know who her birth mother is. As much as you may want to protect her, keeping her from finding out a part of her truth and her past will only make her feel isolated. This moment isn't about you or your relationship with her, this is about your daughter understanding herself on a deeper level. 

Instead of holding back information, go on this journey with her. She may want the support and not know how to reach out. You can always talk to resources such as the agency that helped you go through your adoption process. The more she knows, the more she can put the ghosts to rest and move forward in a healthy, fulfilling way. (And she will have you right there by her side to laugh and cry and talk things through, and that's what a mom is for, right?) 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Whatever you do, do it with a positive attitude and a smile. People are more attracted to how you speak and make them feel than exactly what you say. Get people excited and motivated and see how many mountains you will be able to move! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)