DEAR NATALIE: My wife’s birthday is coming up and I’ve been in the “doghouse” lately so I really want to do something to make up for some of the things that she’s been upset about. She really wants to go to therapy together. She’s says I take advantage of her and don’t show her any appreciation. I was thinking for her birthday, I’ll hire a cleaning service to come out the house a couple of times a month to help her out. I have no interest in therapy. When I brought up this idea in place of therapy, she became really upset. But I thought this would be a great help to her. What is her problem? --CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT

DEAR CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT: You are missing the big picture here. Instead of gifting her a cleaning service, which isn’t a bad idea, I think what she really wants is for you to make an effort in the relationship. I say get her the cleaning service and make the effort to go to therapy with her. Therapy is her way of trying to bridge the gaps in your relationship. Meet her where she is and recognize your role in the communication breakdown. The fact that you are self-aware enough to realize that you are “in the doghouse” lends me to believe that this is a question of you being lazy, not ignorant to whatever is going on. Even if you don’t believe in therapy, this is something that she wants to do, so just go along for the ride. Who knows? Maybe you will find out some things that can help you strengthen your marriage. Sometimes, having an impartial third party there can really assist in seeing where your blind spots are. Perhaps one of your blind spots is that you aren’t much of a help around the house? Women often do more than their fair share of the labor inside the home, so try and be more cognizant of how you interact in your domestic life together. If you want your marriage to improve, don’t just say it. Do it. Commit to therapy, recommit to her, and give yourself the opportunity to evolve into a better husband.

DEAR NATALIE: My wife has a lot of male friends. She says that she just isn’t a “girl’s girl” but having a lot of straight male friends is concerning for me. When I told her I was uncomfortable with her getting drinks by herself with some of her (single) male friends one-on-one, she called me insecure and jealous. I know if I tried to do the same thing with women, she would flip out. How do I get her to see the double standard? These guys are just trying to get her into bed. It’s really frustrating. --ANNOYED HUSBAND

DEAR ANNOYED HUSBAND: Perhaps your wife is insecure and using the attention of men to validate herself. It isn’t healthy, but it could be what’s going on. Then again, she really just may be friends with these men and sees no harm in hanging out with them. I guess the question is, does she mind when you tag along? If she invites you and you decline, that’s one thing. But if she lies about where she is going and then says it’s because you get jealous, I would take a second look. You should be the priority here, not these friends. I’m not saying that maybe you aren’t a little insecure and jealous. I probably would be, too, in this scenario. I do think that you have to walk a fine line because you don’t want be controlling. However, you do have the right to speak your mind about how this makes you feel. If you tell her it really does bother you and you don’t think she would like it if you did the same, see how she reacts. Maybe she doesn’t realize how much it hurts you. But if she does realize it and doesn’t seem to care, I would start to question why I’m with someone who is okay with hurting me. I’m not saying to leave her or anything drastic, but if she’s selfish about this, what other things is she doing in the relationship that prioritizes you last? You won’t win every battle, but this one seems worth fighting for. Your marriage could be on the line. I wouldn’t take that lightly.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Not “good” at networking? Take the pressure off! Networking is merely making new friends. Next time there is an event you want to attend, invite one of your outgoing friends to help you break the ice with people you meet.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter just started college, and as any mother would, I worry. I worry about where she is at night, whom she's hanging out with, if she's partying and if she's dating. Well, recently she came to me and asked if I could go with her to get birth control.

I almost fell over. I don't know if I'm ready to deal with her growing up (it seems) so fast! I know she wants to do these things, but do you think if I take her to get on the pill I'm just encouraging certain behaviors? Not sure what to think, but I want to be there for her. -- FLUSTERED MOM

DEAR FLUSTERED MOM: You should feel really proud that your daughter thought highly enough of you (and trusted you enough) to share about wanting to protect herself. She's a realist, and you have to be one, too, mom. 

While we never want to think of our kids growing up and becoming young adults, remind yourself that you have given her the tools she needs to make the right choices. So when she comes to you wanting to make the right choice, support her.

Worrying that you will "encourage certain behaviors" isn't going to help anything. In fact, you are encouraging responsible behavior by protecting her from unwanted pregnancy and the tough decisions that come along with that. 

So, take a deep breath, mom. Take her to get what she needs, and then after get what you need -- a big glass of wine!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Make a list of 10 people whom you want to connect with by the end of the year, and then start working through that list by reaching out via email, phone or in person. Writing things down makes ideas concrete and solidifies your intention.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am at my wits end. I am depressed and angry. I get no respect from my husband. He says all men are "superior creatures." He bad mouths women all the time. He has a disability and seems to want me to be constantly available to serve his needs. 

My friend says he is a "narcissist" and that this is common among men, especially accomplished men, which he was before he became disabled. Some people say I should ignore him or put up with what he does. He has said that he had a neglectful mother as a child and a father who was preoccupied with his business. I understand that because I also had a similar situation. I can't make up for the love that was missing early in his life. I know he needs love but so do I. Please help me if you can. -- UNHAPPY WIFE

DEAR UNHAPPY WIFE: There is just so much to unpack in this letter. First, it is very disturbing to hear that your husband subjugates you and half of the human population. Degrading and demoralizing you is abuse. You are in an abusive relationship. I say this plainly because sometimes you need to see the words for it to click. When someone is demeaning to you, relentless in their nasty commentary, and makes you feel like a servant in your own home, recognize that this is not healthy behavior. This attitude toward women and yourself is only hurting your sense of self-worth. 

Second, it seems as though his disability has made him feel inferior to others around him (including yourself), and so he is lashing out at you because he doesn't feel as in control as he once did. 

Third, whether or not he had a neglectful mother and a distant father is not an excuse to treat you badly. He is allowing his negative past to dictate what could be a bright future. 

Short of packing your bags and leaving him, here is how you can help yourself should you stay: 

Find a hobby outside of the house. Whether it's long walks with a girlfriend, volunteering at an animal rescue shelter, taking up a class, or trying yoga, there are ways for you to practice self-care and get you away from the negativity in the household. When you are at home, stop answering his every beck and call (especially if he calls for you using any kind of derogatory language). 

Let him know that while you are there to help him, you are not his slave and you will not be treated unkindly. This may be met with even more hateful speech toward you, so be prepared, but unless you stand up to this bully in some capacity, it won't stop. Obviously, if he has been physically violent toward you, don't incite him. If that is the case, consider moving in with a friend or family member for a short time. If that is not possible, visit with a therapist and talk through these issues. 

At the end of the day, it is not up to you to make anyone happy. You must work toward your own sense of inner peace. Good luck to you.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)