DEAR NATALIE: My wife and I are in what is the second marriage for both of us.  Thankfully, we both maintain cordial and generally excellent relationships with our former spouses.  Her association with her former husband is much more active than mine with my ex-wife because unlike mine, their marriage yielded a child, a nine-year-old boy for whom there is shared custody.  There are regular exchanges of my stepson at our home. My wife's former spouse plays a larger role in our lives than might otherwise be the case because he is not skilled in some aspects of single living, hence my wife assists him with some things, such as occasionally purchasing clothes for him, helping him to construct a profile to use on a dating site, and offering advice. I have been cordial and friendly to him and I greet him by name.  He is polite, but perfunctory with me and has used my name just once in the year and a half that I have known him. The ex-husband currently lives about fifteen minutes from us in the same area.  He will be transferred to a job out of the area in the not too distant future and will be selling his home here.  My wife and I have also been considering a move from our home. My wife has proposed the possibility of us purchasing a home with a garage apartment in which her ex-husband could stay when he comes to the area to spend time with his son.  She has asked me to consider this although recognizing that despite having no concern about my wife's faithfulness to me, my visceral response to the idea is a resounding "no". I would welcome your thoughts as to how to best handle this situation. --TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: You have every right to feel the way that you do. I do not think it is appropriate at all for her ex to stay with you when he is in town. She may feel guilty that they are divorced and have a child, but that is no reason to create tension between herself and you. Her ex husband may be a nice person, and I’m glad that everyone gets along, but there needs to be healthy boundaries. Having him above the garage crosses the line, considering you are uncomfortable with it. Every relationship with exes is different and every marriage is different, but everyone needs to be on the same page. I would let her know exactly how you feel. You don’t have to justify feeling this way. If the shoe was on the other foot, I bet she would feel uncomfortable and even threatened, as well. When he comes to town to visit his son, he can either stay at a hotel room or find other arrangements. It’s not your job to house her ex-husband.

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I are constantly bickering. At first, it was just the way we communicated, but it has gotten to the point that the constant little annoyances are really starting to take its toll. I feel like I have to gear up for a fight every time I walk in the door to my home. I have a stressful job and the constant nastiness between us is really causing issues. He just pushes my buttons and then I retaliate, and let’s just say, it isn’t pretty. We haven’t been romantic in months and I’m starting to worry that we are drifting apart. We’ve been together eight years and have three children. I don’t want to divorce, but we cannot continue this way. Any suggestions? --TOO MUCH BICKERING

DEAR TOO MUCH BICKERING: Get yourselves to a marriage counselor. Every relationship has its own “language”. While some couples bicker and it doesn’t harm the relationship, it sounds like its eroding into something more sinister than banter. Repairing the fight is more important than people realize. If you aren’t repairing after arguments, they begin to build, to fester and create massive amounts of resentment and tension. It sounds like you are heading down this road and in order to stop it, you need a reboot. A couple’s counselor can help give you both tools to speak more lovingly and more respectfully, even when you are arguing. Pushing each other’s buttons is not only immature, but a great way to erase trust and respect over time. It can cascade into other bad behaviors, cause you to emotionally shut down and begin living separate lives. Deal with this now, create a space for love to thrive again, and remind yourselves of why you fell in love in the first place. Remember, it took you eight years to get to this place, so don’t expect a miracle to happen overnight. Baby steps towards healing will take time, but the effort you both put in will be worth it.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don’t get weighed down by worrying about making the “perfect” connection with people when you are out networking. Think about it as making friendships and connections. Sometimes you click, sometimes you don’t. Just be open-minded and friendly and see what happens.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I have a dilemma. I have been casually dating a few different guys but just started seeing someone I really like (let's call him Paul). We have only gone on one date, but it went so well I am convinced that it could be the real deal. Normally, I would not feel guilty about going out with other guys at this point (we've only gone out once, after all), but already I feel bad about seeing anyone else besides him. Paul is taking me out again this weekend (somewhere fancy, he said), but I have a date with a different guy the night before we are going out. Should I cancel my date with this other guy and focus my energy on Paul? We click so well I'm not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated. -- LOOKING FOR A LOVE MATCH

DEAR LOOKING FOR A LOVE MATCH: Do not cancel your date unless you really want to. I know it can be tempting when you first meet someone and he sweeps you off your feet to let your heart run away with you, but the truth is you don't know this person very well yet. Anyone can make a first impression that charms you, but see what he's like on the second, third and fourth date. Get to know him in different settings, different places, in different ways. Let him cook you dinner, let him open the car door for you, give him the opportunities to prove that he is as genuinely awesome as he appears to be. I'm not cynical, just guarded.

There is nothing wrong with falling for someone quickly, but take a moment to let it sink in first before you leap off the love cliff, so to speak. (And remember, until you talk about monogamy, there is nothing to feel guilty about. No one owns your time or space, and if you want to be with other people and you are open and honest about that, it's your choice who you spend time with.) And who knows? Maybe you and Paul will fall in love and live happily ever after together, but get through your second date with open eyes first.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Body language can be the key to winning while networking. Your arms speak volumes, so don't keep them crossed in front of your body. That shows you are closed off and not approachable. Keep your body open to others and make eye contact to show you want to connect.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My close friend recently gave birth to a stillborn baby girl. I have no idea how to handle this situation. She was dating a married man (he was separated from his wife) when she became pregnant, and now she is blaming herself and saying that losing her daughter is a punishment. She broke up with him after the birth, and she has been heartbroken. I'm not sure how to help her. It seems like no matter what I say, it's not the right thing. So I've been keeping my distance. I feel terrible. I want to help. What should I do? -- TRAGIC SITUATION

DEAR TRAGIC SITUATION: This is a true tragedy. It is not lost on her the poetic nature of losing her daughter and the potential of her life and how that intertwines with her now ex-boyfriend. I can't begin to imagine what she is going through, but in these moments, friends don't need to say anything. They just need to be there. Be there to cry with her. Be there to work through her emotions. Be there just to sit in silence and wait for time to heal.

If I were you, I would be scared, too, that I would say or do the wrong thing. But your absence speaks much louder than any words. Go to her. Bring her food, tea and white roses. Take her to plant a tree in a park in her daughter's honor. Just hold her hand. We often underestimate how just the physical presence of friendship can help heal deep wounds like this. You can't tell her what to feel or pass judgment on her experience. You just need to walk with her as she processes her loss, and in time you can remind her that the future holds promise and new possibilities to find peace and even happiness.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212