life

Romantic Partner Turns Out to Be a Jerk

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | December 31st, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I'm 22, and I was seeing this guy who is 30. He and I were just casually hooking up -- or so I thought -- but then he started texting and calling a lot, wanting to take me out to dinners and movies and basically date. I was hesitant because I just got out of a heavy relationship, but he's cute so I agreed to go out with him on "official" dates. Then he just stopped calling after we went out a few more times. 

I was at a party recently, and my friend had run into him. She told me she asked him about me. He scoffed at the idea of dating me and said, "Yeah, I slept with her a few times, but she wanted more, so I bailed." This is so not true! I want to confront him about this. He's so immature and spreading lies about me to our circle of friends. What should I do? -- ANGRY “GIRLFRIEND”

DEAR ANGRY “GIRLFRIEND”: You can't "unsee" this bad behavior. You found out that this guy is a jerk pretty quickly, so cut your losses and walk away. Don't try to confront him. Most likely whatever you say he will just turn around and further insult you. Chances are he's going to text you to hook up again when he feels like it, but don't respond. Block him on social media and move forward. He's still pretty immature considering his age, and you don't want to try to "fix" him or the situation. No more broken toys. Make that your mantra for the next year. 

Networking Tip of the Week: We really do judge a book its cover, so dress for the part you want, not the part you have, when in a social setting. People take notice of others who dress for success, and it may be just the thing that encourages someone of influence to start up a conversation with you. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Time to Rekindle Old Romance?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | December 28th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I've been talking to a woman I went to high school with, about 20 years ago. I had a HUGE crush on her back then. She still looks amazing. Her husband died four years ago and she has two teenage children. I really want to ask her out. However, I don't feel I'm attractive enough for a woman like her. How can I put my self-doubts aside and just go for it? -- FEELING LOW

DEAR FEELING LOW: Sometimes, we can get so caught up in our own heads about something that we never act on anything and life just passes us by. What do you have to lose by asking her out? Nothing. And what do you have to gain? Possibly a new relationship, or if nothing else, a fun night out. Life is too short to wish for things and never pursue them. Many people don't follow their dreams because they are afraid of succeeding. Many don't believe they are worthy or good enough for what they want. How sad is that? We are all entitled to support our inner dreamer, and if pursuing her brings you joy, then go for it. Remember this: You have no idea how she feels about herself, either. You may think she is beautiful, but she may not see it. So assuming that you aren't good enough is all relative. Tell her how lovely she is, and watch her face light up like a Christmas tree! 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Feeling the daggers on you? Networking isn't all sunshine and roses. Sometimes people don't want you in social inner circles because they are threatened by your A game. But all of that is just background noise. Kill people with kindness, and watch the ones who are out to steal your shine slowly fade away. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Friends fighting and you are caught in the middle? Brother and his new girlfriend’s public displays of affection making your family uncomfortable?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | December 26th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: My friend, Amanda, and I both have a mutual friend, Jennifer. Jennifer is an intense person and you either like her or you don’t. Amanda and Jennifer were really good friends for a long time, but they recently had a falling out. Now Amanda is telling me that if I still hang out with Jennifer, we can’t be friends anymore. This doesn’t seem fair to me, as I get along with both of them. I told Jennifer what Amanda said, and now they are fighting again. Amanda is threatening to end our friendship. What can I do to mend fences while still staying true to myself? --CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: Why on earth did you tell Jennifer what Amanda said to you? All that did was stir the pot and now everyone is in a fight. While I don’t know what your intention was, that wasn’t the smartest move. Now Amanda doesn’t trust you and it will be a lot harder to mend fences. On the other side of this, I don’t understand why Amanda felt the need to dictate to you whether or not you should be friends with Jennifer. You can be friends with whomever you want.  I would first decide what you want before you pick up the phone to mend fences. Clearly, you feel some loyalty to Jennifer since you told her what Amanda was saying. If you are going to be friends with both of them moving forward, you can’t talk to them about each other. This is only going to make it worse for everyone. You need to pick up the phone and call Amanda to apologize. Yes, pick up the phone. Do not text her. Tell her that you are sorry for repeating what she told you to Jennifer, and you realize now that if you are going to remain friends with both her and Jennifer, you have to stay out of their relationship. Then, tell Amanda that while you value your friendship with her, you don’t appreciate her expecting you to drop friends because she isn’t getting along with them. Leave it at that. If she can’t handle this answer, then you have to decide what’s more important. Your friendship with her or your relationship with yourself.

DEAR NATALIE: My brother just started dating this new girl and they are making everyone crazy with their public displays of affection. They are kissing and holding hands all the time, and they are practically on top of each other when we go out to dinner. It’s really gross and embarrassing and my family is over it. My mom wants me to say something to my brother, but I think it will just make it worse. Any advice for how to deal with these two? --NO PDA, PLEASE

DEAR NO PDA, PLEASE: Most likely this is a phase and will pass. You wrote that they just started dating, so everything is really new and exciting. Perhaps they are falling in love or just head over heels for one another. I think it is sweet and romantic that they can’t keep their hands off of one another. But, not everyone is comfortable with that, and I understand your perspective. I would just let this play itself out a little longer. They may calm down on their own over the next couple of months and settle into a relationship with each other. You could always just choose not to look at them. You could walk out of the room if you are uncomfortable. You could even make a joke and say something like “Get a room, love birds.” Public displays of affection aren’t for everyone, but it’s his choice, after all.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don’t be afraid to smile. It makes you appear more approachable. A genuine smile is the start of a genuine conversation which could lead to a fruitful connection.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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