DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I built our home 15 years ago. I became friendly with a neighbor because we both had puppies at the same time, and they played together. The neighbor took complete advantage of me. She would dump off her puppy and go out and drink with her flight attendant friends, especially when her husband was business traveling. I would tell her I have to get up at 5 a.m., so please be home by 10 p.m. She would arrive at my house at midnight, drunk, lie on my kitchen floor, and we had to take her home. 

I agreed to watch her puppy while she went on a vacation for five days, and she was to watch mine when I went away a few weeks later. First of all, she never returned home when she said she would, and she never called. When I called her a few days later, she got really angry. So, then it was my turn to go away. She told me the day before that she had a flight and couldn't watch my puppy. What a mess. 

This is only one incident that she pulled. Another is that she bad-mouthed me to a neighbor who repeated it to a woman I work with and tried to get me fired! There are lots more. Eventually, we didn't bother, and our friendship fell apart. A couple of years later she moved to North Carolina, and I thought she was gone. Since then, every time there is a get-together in the neighborhood, even with new people who moved in after she left, we never get invited. My strong feeling is that she bad-mouthed us to everyone before she left. 

Should I confront one of the women who had a neighborhood Christmas party and ask her outright why we were not invited or just ignore it and don't bother with my neighbors? It really is unfair what she did. I bent over backward to be nice and did so many favors for her, and now I have this on my hands. -- SICK OF NEIGHBOR’S EVIL MOUTH

DEAR SICK OF NEIGHBOR’S EVIL MOUTH: Of course there are two sides to every story, but it looks as though she used and abused you and then blackballed you in the community. What is really upsetting is that you are still dealing with the repercussions of her nastiness long after she's left. 

So the question remains: Do you care if your neighbors like you? It is awful to feel left out, especially in a tight-knit community. If you want to clear your name, call the neighbor who did not invite you to the Christmas party and politely ask if you can have her over for tea or coffee. Then, just be honest. Tell her your feelings were hurt and that you think that the neighbors have the wrong impression about you and your family. If she seems receptive to hearing you out, explain what happened between you and this woman. (Don't become catty or insult her. Rise above it and just tell the CliffsNotes version.) It will feel good to at least get the opportunity to clear your name. 

Then, throw a little cocktail party at your home a few weeks later and invite all your neighbors so that they can meet the "real" you. The good thing is, people have short memories, so the newest impression you make will stick with them.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: A neighbor whom I have known as a "seldom seen friend" for many years recently asked if she could spend some time at my house while her home was being shown by a Realtor. I agreed, but surprisingly she showed up with a large new (untrained) dog that was out of control in my house. The dog spilled water and food, jumped on cabinets and furniture. After an hour, it looked as if the dog needed to be relieved. So I suggested that we take the dog outside for a walk and subsequently suggested that we keep her tied up outside. It was another five hours before the Realtor was gone. When we went back outside, the dog had chewed through my brand new hose/handle to render it unusable. My neighbor was well aware that this had happened but didn't offer to replace it. Is this my fault for suggesting that the dog be kept outside or her fault for bringing the dog in the first place? -- BAD DOG

DEAR BAD DOG: Your neighbor is rude. She invited herself over, then she brings an untrained dog into the home, then the dog causes damage and she doesn't offer to replace what damage her animal did. You did nothing wrong, other than try and be a good neighbor (and we all know that no good deed goes unpunished). She originally should have told you that the dog was coming with her, and she should have offered to tie her dog up outside in your yard. Once having the dog secured outside, she should have cleared the area of anything that the dog could have gnawed on to minimize the chances of the dog finding inappropriate chew toys. In fact, she should have brought a bowl for water for the dog along with a treat or two, as well. This isn't the dog's fault. This is the inconsiderate owner's fault. At least you know in this situation how differently you would have acted and be glad you were raised well. In fact, call your mom right now and thank her. As my acupuncturist always says (and, yes, I have an acupuncturist), "As hard as it is to be with them, just be glad you aren't them." 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Get out of your comfort zone. Attend a social function out of your normal circle of influence. You may be surprised how much you actually have in common with those who come from different backgrounds. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My sister-in-law is throwing a New Year’s Eve party and decided that I am not invited. She is literally inviting my whole family except me and my children. She claimed the reason is because it is an “adults only” party. My children are 16 and 18, so they aren’t exactly babies. I really think the reason is because my brother, her husband, and I got into a fight at Thanksgiving. He hasn’t spoken to me since. It was over something trivial and I have let it go. He, clearly, has not. I want my family to be back together and start 2019 off right. What should I do? --FIX IT PLEASE

DEAR FIX IT PLEASE: It sounds as though your brother is trying to have his wife do his dirty work for him. He is driving a wedge between the two of you because he is clearly nervous to talk to you directly. I would end this nonsense by calling him and squashing whatever caused the fight in the first place. Just start by saying something like, “I know we said some harsh things to each other at Thanksgiving. I don’t want to continue down this road with you. I’m sorry for what I said and for hurting you. I want to be together during the holidays and my kids want to see their aunt and uncle. Let’s try to find a way forward here.” If he isn’t ready to apologize, don’t bristle. Some people take time to absorb apologies and recognize their role in the fight. The important thing to do is to mend the fence enough to survive the holiday season. You can always work towards building a better relationship in the new year, but baby steps are still steps in the right direction.

DEAR NATALIE: I have a little office inside the school that I work at because I do a lot of one-on-one learning with my students who have special needs. Yesterday, the guidance counselor used my office to give a student a test. When I got back in this morning, there were a bunch of wrappers for candy and treats that I give to my students in the garbage can. It looked like 15 or more candies had been eaten. Either the counselor ate them while the student took the test or she was giving them to kids. They were in a bin that had all of my personal items in it, so it was clear that they belonged to me. She didn’t say anything to me about it and I don’t want this to become a regular thing. What should I do? --NOT SO SWEET

DEAR NOT SO SWEET:This would really annoy me if I walked into my office and saw that someone took things without asking. Maybe she noticed the candy and started mindlessly eating it while she was waiting for her student to finish the exam. When she realized how many she consumed, perhaps she just became embarrassed and hoped you wouldn’t notice. Or maybe she just didn’t care. Let’s hope it is the first theory. Regardless, the next time she wants to use your office, you may want to lock up items in a drawer or a bin that you don’t want anyone to touch. You could also confront her, nicely, about this situation, but it may just make things tense between the two of you. I suggest trying the “hide the candy in the drawer” option first. If she continues to take things from you, there won’t be any choice but to address it directly. It’s important that we establish boundaries and a healthy level of respect for space and property when working with many types of people. Better that than throwing candy at her head.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Meeting someone for the first time? Arrive ten minutes early, not late. Showing someone that you respect their time by being on time is a great way to start the relationship off on the right foot.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)