DEAR NATALIE: My sister-in-law is throwing a New Year’s Eve party and decided that I am not invited. She is literally inviting my whole family except me and my children. She claimed the reason is because it is an “adults only” party. My children are 16 and 18, so they aren’t exactly babies. I really think the reason is because my brother, her husband, and I got into a fight at Thanksgiving. He hasn’t spoken to me since. It was over something trivial and I have let it go. He, clearly, has not. I want my family to be back together and start 2019 off right. What should I do? --FIX IT PLEASE

DEAR FIX IT PLEASE: It sounds as though your brother is trying to have his wife do his dirty work for him. He is driving a wedge between the two of you because he is clearly nervous to talk to you directly. I would end this nonsense by calling him and squashing whatever caused the fight in the first place. Just start by saying something like, “I know we said some harsh things to each other at Thanksgiving. I don’t want to continue down this road with you. I’m sorry for what I said and for hurting you. I want to be together during the holidays and my kids want to see their aunt and uncle. Let’s try to find a way forward here.” If he isn’t ready to apologize, don’t bristle. Some people take time to absorb apologies and recognize their role in the fight. The important thing to do is to mend the fence enough to survive the holiday season. You can always work towards building a better relationship in the new year, but baby steps are still steps in the right direction.

DEAR NATALIE: I have a little office inside the school that I work at because I do a lot of one-on-one learning with my students who have special needs. Yesterday, the guidance counselor used my office to give a student a test. When I got back in this morning, there were a bunch of wrappers for candy and treats that I give to my students in the garbage can. It looked like 15 or more candies had been eaten. Either the counselor ate them while the student took the test or she was giving them to kids. They were in a bin that had all of my personal items in it, so it was clear that they belonged to me. She didn’t say anything to me about it and I don’t want this to become a regular thing. What should I do? --NOT SO SWEET

DEAR NOT SO SWEET:This would really annoy me if I walked into my office and saw that someone took things without asking. Maybe she noticed the candy and started mindlessly eating it while she was waiting for her student to finish the exam. When she realized how many she consumed, perhaps she just became embarrassed and hoped you wouldn’t notice. Or maybe she just didn’t care. Let’s hope it is the first theory. Regardless, the next time she wants to use your office, you may want to lock up items in a drawer or a bin that you don’t want anyone to touch. You could also confront her, nicely, about this situation, but it may just make things tense between the two of you. I suggest trying the “hide the candy in the drawer” option first. If she continues to take things from you, there won’t be any choice but to address it directly. It’s important that we establish boundaries and a healthy level of respect for space and property when working with many types of people. Better that than throwing candy at her head.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Meeting someone for the first time? Arrive ten minutes early, not late. Showing someone that you respect their time by being on time is a great way to start the relationship off on the right foot.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I have been married to a fairly wealthy man for 30 years, and, in addition to our children, he has several grown kids from a previous marriage who all grew up with the best of everything and all have lucrative lifestyles/careers. My husband has kindly set up a family limited partnership that distributes cash annually to his children based on the highest tax consequences. Over the past decade, he has distributed more than half a million dollars to each grown child. My husband is not obligated to make these distributions but has done so in line with the regulations governing FLPs through his lawyer. Unfortunately, the kids see this as their money anyway, and there is only one who ever expresses any appreciation and who ever sends my husband a holiday gift. (None of the grown kids sends gifts or cards, including for their father's birthday.) 

When the value of the FLP and tax issues reduced the distribution to each child this past year, the grown daughter found this to be highly unacceptable. She immediately told her father that she expected double. Subsequently, her partner started emailing my husband requesting an additional $20,000 distribution -- one email was very nasty. If the daughter wants more money, she could get a job but has refused to work. When my husband read the nasty email his face turned white as a ghost. After I read it, I was dumbfounded and disappointed that our son-in-law and grown daughter would be so cruel to him. 

His kids will all be very wealthy when he passes away, but he would like to see them all be contributors to their own wealth now. With each passing year of the lack of appreciation and the entitlement is embarrassing. What do you think he should do? -- SAD AND MAD

DEAR SAD AND MAD: Wow, sounds as though your grown stepchildren are complete brats. In my imagination, I would think that It would be a real challenge to ground children when they grow up wealthy. The idea of not sending a birthday card or holiday present to a man who has supported you financially your whole life is next level narcissistic. Unfortunately, because this seems to be a nasty pattern that he helped create over the years (unintentionally, of course ... in fact, it seems as though he had very good intentions by helping them), there is no easy way to undo it. But, if these were my bratty kids, I would cut them off - at least for a year - just so they can have a sense of what it feels like to not have him in their lives. 

Regardless of what their relationships were like growing up, this man has supported them throughout and will long after he's gone. Show some decency, show some respect, pick up the phone and call him once in a while. It's not too much to ask. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Hang out by the bar. This doesn't mean you have to be drinking, but positioning yourself where people will naturally be heading first is a great way to catch them when they are still "fresh" and interested in networking. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I did some pet-sitting last month for a friend, and I haven't been paid yet. Twice she told me she would drop off my payment, and she hasn't. One time she said she "forgot" even though she was in Shadyside to drop off other stuff. I agreed a while ago to pet-sit again this month, but I don't want to if she's not going to pay me. I wish she would tell me what is going on. She isn't good about returning my texts. We are friends, so this is awkward. -- PAY ME

DEAR PAY ME: Money and friendship often don't mix well (sort of like that time in college when you mixed vodka and Red Bull. In the moment it seemed like a great idea until the next morning when you couldn't remember a thing or how you got that tattoo - but I digress). Unfortunately, in this situation, the only thing you can do is to ask her politely, but firmly, for the money once more. Say something like, "I know you have been busy, but if I am going to pet-sit again soon, I would like us to be squared away so that it doesn't become confusing as to what you owe me." If she can't take that hint, put your foot down about pet-sitting again. She may just be taking your relationship for granted and not realizing that you are upset. It's better to cause a little bit of discomfort up front than become resentful of your relationship, causing a wedge to form over time. It's just money, after all. Don't give it any more power than it already has. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Be discerning with whom you associate. We all have limited time on our hands; don't waste it with people who are only trying to bring you down. Some people don't want to see others succeed, and being around them will only become a toxic force in your life. Make this the year to fly free from those who would rather clip your wings. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)