life

It’s a Dog-Eat-Dog World

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | December 7th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I did some pet-sitting last month for a friend, and I haven't been paid yet. Twice she told me she would drop off my payment, and she hasn't. One time she said she "forgot" even though she was in Shadyside to drop off other stuff. I agreed a while ago to pet-sit again this month, but I don't want to if she's not going to pay me. I wish she would tell me what is going on. She isn't good about returning my texts. We are friends, so this is awkward. -- PAY ME

DEAR PAY ME: Money and friendship often don't mix well (sort of like that time in college when you mixed vodka and Red Bull. In the moment it seemed like a great idea until the next morning when you couldn't remember a thing or how you got that tattoo - but I digress). Unfortunately, in this situation, the only thing you can do is to ask her politely, but firmly, for the money once more. Say something like, "I know you have been busy, but if I am going to pet-sit again soon, I would like us to be squared away so that it doesn't become confusing as to what you owe me." If she can't take that hint, put your foot down about pet-sitting again. She may just be taking your relationship for granted and not realizing that you are upset. It's better to cause a little bit of discomfort up front than become resentful of your relationship, causing a wedge to form over time. It's just money, after all. Don't give it any more power than it already has. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Be discerning with whom you associate. We all have limited time on our hands; don't waste it with people who are only trying to bring you down. Some people don't want to see others succeed, and being around them will only become a toxic force in your life. Make this the year to fly free from those who would rather clip your wings. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

How to Deal With Difficult Kids

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | December 3rd, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: What do you do when your friends bring over their spoiled bratty kids to your home unannounced? I'm talking about parents who do not correct their kids' bad behavior and allow them to wreak havoc in someone else's home. Is it my responsibility to discipline their children? -- ANNOYED FRIEND

DEAR ANNOYED FRIEND: No, it is definitely not your responsibility to discipline their children. You may want to admonish the parents instead. I'm all for parents bringing children to friends' homes when they are invited to do so or when they ask if they can. But, to bring kids to your home without an invite (and then for those kids to be ill-mannered) is unacceptable. I would pull my friends aside if they did this to me and gently remind them that while you love their child/children (hey, we all lie sometimes) you would like a heads-up in the future so you can kid-proof the home. Let them know that you saw their kids playing with things that could be dangerous, and you wouldn't want little Olive or Milo to hurt themselves. Perish the thought.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't be afraid to follow up. If you gave some people your business card and they said they would contact you, but they didn't, don't assume this means they aren't interested. We all get busy and overwhelmed. Instead, look them up on Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter and reach out to them. They will be flattered that you took the time to do so!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

She Sees Relative On a Dangerous Path

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | November 30th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: One of my husband's teenage grandsons from a previous marriage has posted videos of himself doing drugs -- weed and cocaine -- and drinking heavily on the Internet. I did not have the chance to show my husband the video of this boy doing cocaine (my husband wouldn't believe it because he didn't see it before it was removed), but I was able to show him the videos of the boy smoking weed and drinking right out of a vodka bottle at a wild party.

It is hard for my husband to discuss this with his daughter without divulging the source -- another child in the family. So, he has not mentioned it. Because she is not my biological child, I cannot say anything. But I am afraid that this disturbing behavior could have serious consequences. There is no guarantee that his daughter would do anything about it anyway because her husband is frequently drunk, and they allow underage kids to drink at their home.

Is there any suggestion that you have for an intervention? If not, it may fall onto my husband to bring this up, but he does not know how to approach the subject. -- CONCERNED STEPMOM

DEAR CONCERNED STEPMOM: It's overwhelming to think about what teenagers have access to today and how scary it is to think that not only are they making bad choices, but also those choices are being recorded and can come back to haunt them later in their lives. Many teens are unaware that potential employers look at social media as a way to screen job applicants.

In this situation, unfortunately, I'm not really sure there is much you can do. It sounds as though your husband has tried to do what he can, but this is about their family and their choices. If they allow their children to drink in the home with friends, that is potentially damaging to all of them. If their children and friends were to get caught, your stepdaughter and her husband could lose everything.

Anything that you say may just make you the enemy. Unless your stepgrandson gets drunk in front of you or is visibly intoxicated/under the influence of a drug, in which case you would have a reason to confront him and the situation, you likely will be looked at as a meddler, and your opinion won't be taken seriously. I hope your stepgrandson can figure this out on his own and wise up, but most likely he will have to hit a bottom -- like getting suspended at school or get arrested for underage drinking -- before it is seen as a "problem." Whatever he is going through, he has to go through it if it is ever going to get better, and numbing his pain will only prolong his inner torture.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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