life

Girlfriend has bad breath? Fighting over what kind of house you will live in once you are married?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | November 21st, 2018

DEAR NATALIE:  I love my girlfriend, but lately, she has had horrible breath. I don’t mean to be rude, but I have been avoiding kissing her for weeks now. She has asked me why I don’t like kissing her, anymore, but I don’t have the heart to tell her the truth. How can I say that she has bad breath without upsetting her? --BAD BREATH

DEAR BAD BREATH: The fact that it has gotten so bad that you don’t want to kiss her isn’t just concerning from a romantic standpoint, but also from a health perspective. Sometimes, bad breath can indicate that something something more serious is at work. If she is coming to you and aware that you don’t want to kiss her, you might as well just tell her the truth. Of course, you don’t want to hurt her feelings, but avoiding her kisses can’t go on forever. It sounds as though you really love her and sometimes the only way beyond something is through it. So, the next time you are together, you should say that you are concerned for her health and while you love kissing her, her breath has been “off” lately. Recommend that she see a dentist and take it from there. She may be embarrassed at first or taken aback at your honesty, but in the long term, you aren’t doing either of you any favors by keeping your mouth shut.

DEAR NATALIE: My fiance and I are in the process of buying a new home. He wants something small, a townhouse or a condo since neither of us have ever lived on our own together. I, however, want a big space. I want a large yard, at least three bedrooms and a large living area and kitchen. He thinks it is overkill and unreasonable, especially because the price tag basically will double in the neighborhoods we are looking at. We both have good jobs and I think we should go all out with our first home. But, we both don’t want kids for a few more years and he doesn’t see the need for all that space. What do you think? I want this squared away before we tie the knot in four months. --SIZE MATTERS

DEAR SIZE MATTERS: I would save your pennies and am inclined to agree with your future husband on this one. After owning my first home, I can say with a deeper understanding that you don’t actually know what you want until you own your first home. Now I know for my next house down the road what it is that I want to keep, in terms of features, and what are new “must-haves” that I didn’t even know that I wanted. An apartment or another rental can give you some idea of what you like, but until you deal with the ups and downs of homeownership, you don’t really have a clue. Also, you don’t want to be in a financial situation where you have overextended yourself right out of the gate. Homes are expensive, and not just in the initial purchase, but with taxes, renovations and repair costs to factor in. You may be be able to purchase something, but will you have enough money on hand to furnish it how you would like and to upgrade certain features over time? Plus, you don’t want to be in a situation where all of your money is allocated towards your mortgage and you don’t have any extra for dinners out, entertainment, travel or emergency funds. Think smart about this. You may want to start small and grow as your family grows and your lifestyle changes.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: With the holiday season upon us, it can be easy to spread yourself too thin. Remember to take care of yourself during this time with self care tips like regular exercise, meditation and healthy foods to keep you properly fueled for all of the fun gatherings ahead!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Correct Vs. Normal When Items Are Left Behind

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | November 19th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I have a topic for your "Ask Natalie" column. The scenario: I ate lunch at the Bettis Grille recently, and a few hours later I realized I had left my Reebok running gloves there. I went back. The manager looked for them, but they were not turned in nor still at the table where I sat. I was very disappointed. I went home and told my husband. He said I shouldn't be so surprised that they weren't there because the normal thing is for someone to take them, especially because they were nice gloves. I argued that the normal thing would be to turn them in to the manager/hostess. Ignoring what is the "correct" thing to do, what is the "normal" thing to do? -- COLD HANDS

DEAR COLD HANDS: Here's probably the conversation, if we are being honest, that would happen in someone's mind if he or she saw your gloves sitting on the table. "Wow, those are nice gloves. I guess whoever left them here doesn't care enough about them to keep them. Oooh look, they fit. Welcome to your new home." Now, is that the "right" thing to do? No, it's not. Like you said, the right thing to do is to turn them in to someone at the front desk. But, are humans good at justifying the things that they want? Yes, yes we are. So while I can agree with you on what is right, I have to side with your husband on this one as to what is "normal." And abandoned gloves in a restaurant sound like fair game, unfortunately. Here's to hoping they found a home where they were needed, and be grateful that you can afford a new pair.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Are you shy? Bring a friend with you to a networking event who is comfortable in front of new people and let them lead the way through the crowd, making a few introductions for you. Plan ahead with your friend and share your contacts so it's a win-win.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Interpreting Co-Worker Signals

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | November 16th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: Recently, our office hired a new administrative assistant. She's very cute and admittedly a bit younger than me, as in 23 years old or so. I'm 29. She seemed nice. The moment at which I started noticing an attraction was after she had been there for a couple of weeks. She came walking down the hallway, and I wanted to introduce myself to her to make her feel welcome. Her entire face lit up with a smile, at which point I introduced myself and my friend to her. While chatting, she maintained a big smile and prolonged eye contact with just me. Days after, I started noticing her stealing glances in my direction, followed by her looking away while smiling if I caught her, or when walking past me, saying "Hey" in a way that was decidedly more flirtatious than normal. 

Now, I never approached her at first for a couple of reasons. I've always been reluctant to get involved with a co-worker for obvious reasons. Furthermore, I would see other guys talking/flirting with her periodically. But, she continued to give me what I felt were body language signs of attraction. So, I asked her out for coffee. She said "yes," but our "date" never happened, as work got in the way. I would try to reschedule with her several times, but every time I would ask her to do something, she had a reason why she couldn't. I was starting to feel like it was a lost cause, but what happened next made me think that I was repeatedly led on and played like a fiddle. 

I decided to email her, on her personal account, one last time to ask her out, telling her how it was too bad our timing had been off, but I also hinted that I felt I was being led on. She responded by telling me that she had a BOYFRIEND (facepalm) whom she was "in love with," and that she was "sorry if she had led me on." I was floored. It was an emotional mixture of frustration, sadness, anger and relief because at least I had an apparent answer as to where I stood with her. Would you agree that it sounds like I was seriously led on? I'm very frustrated and agitated about this. How should I proceed? -- FACEPALM

DEAR FACEPALM: Your initial instincts on why you should avoid dating a co-worker were pretty spot on. It can be very challenging to do, especially because the environment lends itself to mixed signals and flirtations that arise out of boredom. But, what always baffles me about some men is this sense of entitlement when it comes to women. What exactly did this girl do, besides smile and make eye contact, that led you to believe that you were owed something? She agreed to go to coffee with you. It didn't transpire, and apparently she had a change of heart. Perhaps she didn't realize your motivations were anything other than getting to know her better because she was the newbie on the block, and once she realized you were crushing on her, she made it clear that she had a boyfriend. 

It can be hard for people to decipher what is "flirting" and what is "friendly," but to become agitated simply because your ego (let's be honest) is bruised is a bit dramatic. Take a deep breath. I don't think she was playing you like a fiddle. She doesn't have to reveal her romantic status to you or to anyone at the office. Clear your head, dust yourself off and don't take this all so seriously. When the right person crosses your path, you'll know. (And she will, too.)

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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