DEAR NATALIE: With the holiday season upon us, my wife and I have been fighting a lot about where we are going to spend our time for Christmas. She wants to go south to visit her mother, who is awful, and her sister, who is worse. I want to stay here and be close to my mother, who is in very poor health and my brother who recently is recovering from a heart attack. When I told her to “have fun” in Georgia, she flipped out and said no way would she be going alone. We have two grown daughters and they don’t want to visit their grandmother in Georgia over the holiday, either. This is becoming a huge point of contention for us. Do you have any ideas for a solution?

--HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Considering the fact that your mother and brother are not in the best of health, I think you have every reason to stay home for Christmas. But, you could have been a bit nicer about your delivery instead of a sarcastic “have fun” before mentioning that you would not be joining her. While she was insensitive about your family, you should apologize and smooth things over before offering a solution. Then, offer a compromise and spend Christmas with your family and then either invite your mother-in-law and sister-in-law up for holiday or visit them some time in December or January for a holiday weekend. There is a path forward here, but you have to realize that she has the right to see her family this season just like you.

DEAR NATALIE: I went on a dinner date recently and everything was going great until the bill came. He paid it and went to the bathroom. Well, while he was gone, I took a peek and saw that he left our waitress a three dollar tip. The dinner was more than 80 dollars. I was totally mortified and so I fumbled through my purse to find some cash. I tried sticking more money in the check holder but he came out and saw me. He got really upset and said that he doesn’t believe in “automatic tipping” and that the service was “subpar” at best. I disagreed and we left the dinner very annoyed with one another. Well, after a week, he texted me and asked me out again. He said he wanted a “do-over” and apologized. Now I don’t know what to think. I really did like him, but I’m not sure I can get over what happened. Any thoughts? --TIPPED OFF

DEAR TIPPED OFF: In the words of the very wise Maya Angelou: “People show you who they are...so believe them.” Unless he apologizes and tips like a Rockefeller from here on out, I would be very wary. Not just because of the tipping incident, but if he is stingy with his money, what else is he going to be stingy with? Time? Affection? The ability to compromise or see the world from other perspectives? Does he lack empathy? Laugh if you will, but I believe that how a person tips defines different parts of their character and I bet that you do, too, considering that you snuck a peek when the bill arrived.  I believe in giving second chances, but really pay attention to how he treats not only waiters, but other service providers, as well. There is nothing more unattractive than a snob.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Do the upcoming holidays make you feel like reaching out to others? Volunteer your time in ways that not only uplift your community, but make you feel good, as well. You never know who you may meet while spreading the holiday cheer!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My son married a vegetarian, and she converted him. Even at their wedding we were served rice, beans, nuts and tofu. (I don't even know what that is.) At weddings, I'm used to chicken, ham, meatballs, etc. But it's OK. I never presume to tell other people how to live. But now the problem is that occasionally I'm invited over there for dinner. I love the kids and wouldn't hurt their feelings for anything. But I hate their menu. I've gone a few times, and now I'm running out of excuses. Can you help me? -- HOLD THE TOFU

DEAR HOLD THE TOFU: It can be really hard to accommodate everyone's likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to something as personal as food. I'm a vegan, and when people come to my home for dinner or when I take a dish to a family or friend's home, they know it's not going to be ham. 

You can't expect to get your son to eat a steak with you anymore than he can expect to convert you to a plant-based diet. So, what can you do? You have a few options: 1. The next time they want to have you over for dinner, offer to make a dish that you can eat, and if they want some, they can have some, too. Don't be afraid to say that while you love spending time together, you hope they don't mind if you bring a little extra something to eat to satiate your meat-loving side. You also could say that you are bringing cupcakes for dessert to smooth things over. A little sugar can solve anything. (And don't forget to take side portions of the veggies they offer you as a show of good will. Think of it like a U.N. meeting.) 2. Go out to dinner. Italian, Asian and Spanish restaurants will have menus that can accommodate vegetarian lovers and meat lovers alike. Then everyone wins.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am a senior at a local university. I dated a fellow student last year for about six months. I loved her, but she did not love me back. I had suspected she was cheating on me while we dated, and a friend told me recently that she now is in a relationship with the man whom I had suspected her of cheating on me with. 

She broke up with me just days after I had accepted an internship at the same place where she had an internship. (The guy she is seeing also was an intern there. He has since graduated and moved on to work out of state, and the two are in a committed long-distance relationship.) Unfortunately, she and I sat in desks directly next to each other, and I didn't make eye contact with her or speak to her. We kept to ourselves and worked on separate assignments, and doing so, with her presence looming over me like a cloud, contributed to a slew of anxiety issues that I've been diagnosed with by my doctor. 

The night my friend informed me that she is now in a relationship, I sent her mean text messages in which I called her every clean word or phrase synonymous to "terrible person" that I could think of. I was careful to not threaten her, as my intentions were purely to make her feel terrible for cheating on me. She did not reply. 

The next day, I received a call from a detective representing the university. He would not tell me what he was calling for, but he requested to meet with me. I refused. I received an email several hours later informing me that my ex had filed a harassment complaint in my name and that a university "No Contact Order" had been placed between the two of us.

I was consequently suspended from my internship, and the department also forced me to change my work schedule to adhere to her complaint. My boss was informed that the "No Contact Order" was filed but was told nothing else. This means my boss was forced to speculate a number of possibilities, including abuse, harassment or even rape, and I'm fairly certain that my co-workers, who are friends with her and her current boyfriend, talk behind my back. 

A judicial hearing has been set. My lawyer and I are confident that we will win our case and that my permanent academic record will remain unscathed, but you never know. The text messages marked the first time I had reached out to her or said anything to her in five months, making me wonder what her motivation could have been for reporting me to the authorities. Before we dated, she was coming off a relationship with a man who, she claimed, was suicidal and threatened to kill himself after she broke up with him. 

So, here are my questions: 1. Do you think this has something to do with her decision to report me for sending the texts? 2. Why would she do it? 3. And, most importantly, was I wrong in sending her the texts in the first place? -- EX-BOYFRIEND

DEAR EX-BOYFRIEND: You should have just kept your hands off your phone. Text messaging in the digital age is what keeping a diary was for in the '90s. You could have written all about the angst you felt, and no one would have gone to court about it. Although your feelings of hurt and anger are understandable, and I sympathize with you having to sit next to this girl who broke your heart, what's done is done. Now, you have to live with the consequences.

Yes, you were wrong to send the messages. Instead of dealing with your emotions for the past six months, you let them bottle up and swell to an explosive level that came out in nasty words you can't take back. You may not have perceived them as threatening, but to her, they clearly were. You knew she had a past boyfriend who was emotionally unstable after their breakup, and yet, you sent the messages, anyway. Admit it. You wanted a response. You were hurting, and you wanted to hurt her back. Her cheating on you was wrong, and you have every right to feel hurt. But guess what? Retaliating may feel good in the moment, but look where it has landed you. Now you are the one in hot water. When you sent those messages, she probably freaked out and took action, considering her past situation. It would frighten me if an ex-boyfriend (whom I had to work next to) sent those texts to me out of the blue after not speaking to me for months.

In the future, if you are with someone and she cheats on you, the best revenge is to live a happy life with no room for her in it. Date yourself for a while. Get to know what you need from yourself and from a partner and don't settle for less. And remember that what we put out in the world often comes back to us in more ways than one, so focus on projecting all the good things you have to offer.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't bad-mouth your colleagues. When you are out at an event, always speak positively of others. People notice the way you speak about others and what it says about you. (Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, just say nothing at all.)

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)