DEAR NATALIE: I am a senior at a local university. I dated a fellow student last year for about six months. I loved her, but she did not love me back. I had suspected she was cheating on me while we dated, and a friend told me recently that she now is in a relationship with the man whom I had suspected her of cheating on me with. 

She broke up with me just days after I had accepted an internship at the same place where she had an internship. (The guy she is seeing also was an intern there. He has since graduated and moved on to work out of state, and the two are in a committed long-distance relationship.) Unfortunately, she and I sat in desks directly next to each other, and I didn't make eye contact with her or speak to her. We kept to ourselves and worked on separate assignments, and doing so, with her presence looming over me like a cloud, contributed to a slew of anxiety issues that I've been diagnosed with by my doctor. 

The night my friend informed me that she is now in a relationship, I sent her mean text messages in which I called her every clean word or phrase synonymous to "terrible person" that I could think of. I was careful to not threaten her, as my intentions were purely to make her feel terrible for cheating on me. She did not reply. 

The next day, I received a call from a detective representing the university. He would not tell me what he was calling for, but he requested to meet with me. I refused. I received an email several hours later informing me that my ex had filed a harassment complaint in my name and that a university "No Contact Order" had been placed between the two of us.

I was consequently suspended from my internship, and the department also forced me to change my work schedule to adhere to her complaint. My boss was informed that the "No Contact Order" was filed but was told nothing else. This means my boss was forced to speculate a number of possibilities, including abuse, harassment or even rape, and I'm fairly certain that my co-workers, who are friends with her and her current boyfriend, talk behind my back. 

A judicial hearing has been set. My lawyer and I are confident that we will win our case and that my permanent academic record will remain unscathed, but you never know. The text messages marked the first time I had reached out to her or said anything to her in five months, making me wonder what her motivation could have been for reporting me to the authorities. Before we dated, she was coming off a relationship with a man who, she claimed, was suicidal and threatened to kill himself after she broke up with him. 

So, here are my questions: 1. Do you think this has something to do with her decision to report me for sending the texts? 2. Why would she do it? 3. And, most importantly, was I wrong in sending her the texts in the first place? -- EX-BOYFRIEND

DEAR EX-BOYFRIEND: You should have just kept your hands off your phone. Text messaging in the digital age is what keeping a diary was for in the '90s. You could have written all about the angst you felt, and no one would have gone to court about it. Although your feelings of hurt and anger are understandable, and I sympathize with you having to sit next to this girl who broke your heart, what's done is done. Now, you have to live with the consequences.

Yes, you were wrong to send the messages. Instead of dealing with your emotions for the past six months, you let them bottle up and swell to an explosive level that came out in nasty words you can't take back. You may not have perceived them as threatening, but to her, they clearly were. You knew she had a past boyfriend who was emotionally unstable after their breakup, and yet, you sent the messages, anyway. Admit it. You wanted a response. You were hurting, and you wanted to hurt her back. Her cheating on you was wrong, and you have every right to feel hurt. But guess what? Retaliating may feel good in the moment, but look where it has landed you. Now you are the one in hot water. When you sent those messages, she probably freaked out and took action, considering her past situation. It would frighten me if an ex-boyfriend (whom I had to work next to) sent those texts to me out of the blue after not speaking to me for months.

In the future, if you are with someone and she cheats on you, the best revenge is to live a happy life with no room for her in it. Date yourself for a while. Get to know what you need from yourself and from a partner and don't settle for less. And remember that what we put out in the world often comes back to us in more ways than one, so focus on projecting all the good things you have to offer.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't bad-mouth your colleagues. When you are out at an event, always speak positively of others. People notice the way you speak about others and what it says about you. (Remember, if you don't have anything nice to say, just say nothing at all.)

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter is getting married next year and she asked me for a list of my relatives for invitations. I sent her a list. I have a large family, but the total family members are 30, which includes me. I tried to keep the list to people who live in-state and also those that she had a relationship with growing up. She sent me a final list back and she had cut five of my siblings, two of which I am very close to, and most of my cousins. My daughter said that this is her final decision. I told her that is very insulting, embarrassing for me and her, as well as rude. She refuses to back down. In the meantime, she has invited all of her father’s relatives, plus his cousins and their plus-ones. She is not permitting plus-ones for my family or any of her friends. I objected and she will not speak to me now. I told her not to send any save-the-dates at this time to my relatives. If she insists on omitting some of my family members, it would be better not to invite any. I also said I may not be there, either. It is a insult to me. I am divorced from her father and it was not pretty. I almost did not survive it due to his ugliness and his mother. His mother is a controlling and manipulative person, as well as a pathological liar.  My ex is the same as his mother. Just when I thought we were making it work, this wedding nonsense happened. I supported her through high school and college. I paid all the bills, paid tuition, car payment, insurance, medical, clothing, food and shelter. I gave her anything she needed. She moved in with me for a year to save money for a down payment on a home. I did not charge her anything. She just moved to a new house that she and her fiance bought. She waited until she moved in and then hit me with this. She did this on purpose, I believe. She needed my help, and once I did, she cut any communication from me. I am crushed. I can't eat or sleep and I feel very depressed. What advice can you give me to either deal with this or get her to change her mind? --CRUSHED

DEAR CRUSHED: I don’t know how old your daughter is, but whatever the age, she sounds very emotionally immature. Unfortunately, unless you are helping to pay for this wedding, I doubt she is going to budge at all on the guest list. She sounds like a spoiled brat who is ungrateful for all of the sacrifices that you made for her, but let’s put that aside. If you don’t go to her wedding, you may regret it further down the road. I have seen mother/daughter relationships like this, and sometimes they get better once the daughter grows up a bit more. If she has been manipulated over the years, it may take a good family therapist to help you sort out your relationship. If she isn’t open to that, all you can do is wait and be patient. You are also under no obligation to continue a toxic relationship with her. If she chooses to continue to belittle you and your relationship with her, I would draw a line in the sand. Boundaries are necessary for even healthy relationships, and if she doesn’t want to treat you with respect, then she doesn’t need to interact with you. I think you were right to tell her not to invite any of your family members. It would be worse if several of them felt slighted. At least this way, you can tell your family what is going on and they can be there to support you. Good luck to you and I hope your daughter one day opens her eyes to how much you love her.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: It never hurts to ask. Whatever you are needing, just ask. The worst that can happen is that someone says no. (And really, no is just, try again later!)

DEAR NATALIE: I have a really good friend but he and I differ in our political beliefs. It’s to the point where I cannot even have a conversation with him about anything because he makes it political and has these insane conspiracy theories that he is always sharing with me. We literally fight every time we are together now and I’m so tired of it. What can I do to help improve our relationship? We’ve known each other for years but it’s all becoming too much. --OVERKILL

DEAR OVERKILL: Have you tried telling him exactly what you just said to me? Maybe he honestly isn’t aware at how obsessive he sounds about politics. Everything has become political, it seems, and because we are inundated with information all day long, people can easily get caught up in the drama of every issue. I would ask him if would be willing to take a “challenge” of hanging out without talking about anything political. Just say, “Look, things have been really intense. I get it. I know we don’t see eye-to-eye and we probably won’t. At some point, let’s try to find some commonalities to base our debates around, but until then, let’s challenge each other to find meaning outside of the political.” If he balks at it, you may just need to take a step back from him. Sometimes, we feel a sense of loyalty to our friends from long ago, but at the end of the day, if you met this guy on the street, would you really become friends? If the answer is “no”, you may want to reconsider what you are holding on to.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: I had some issues with a woman I worked with. She claimed I was harassing her, and she took me to court. The judge saw through it, though, and I was found not guilty of the charges. The only problem is -- well, there are two issues -- is that we still work in the same building. Of course, we have no contact, and I worry that she has told my boss about what happened. Now that the situation is resolved, should I tell my boss that I was found not guilty? I have no way of knowing if she talked to her, but I am worried that she did. Should I ask the woman who filed suit against me if she did tell my boss? Or is that going to create a whole new set of issues? -- FREE AND CLEAR

DEAR FREE AND CLEAR: Without knowing the whole situation, it is still safe to say that you should not approach the woman that you had legal issues with at work. Regardless of what happened between you two, keeping your distance from her is the best thing for everyone involved. (And, come on, why would you want to flame the fire after it has started to die down?) 

As far as your boss is concerned, don't say anything unless you are sure that she knows what happened and it is affecting your work relationship in a negative way. If she doesn't know about it and you bring it up, you may be opening a can of worms. Be glad that this mess is behind you and move forward in the spirit of gratefulness. Also, take some time to reflect on everything that happened, what your role was in the situation and how you can learn from this unfortunate incident so that history doesn't repeat itself. If things become challenging at work -- with having to deal with being around this woman or with your boss -- you may want to consider putting out feelers at other companies and getting a fresh start.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Be careful what you post on social media. We all enjoy a fun night out, but think about what you are putting out there, who is seeing it and how it could affect you professionally and personally down the road (yet another reason why life was simpler before Facebook).

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212