DEAR NATALIE: I am currently stuck and not sure what to do in my marriage. We both work full time, but I am raising our four children without much help from him. I have been very sick this past year and discovered a serious medical condition that needs to be surgically dealt with very soon, but thankfully once I recover, my condition should greatly improve.

My husband fights with me constantly -- which only worsens my illness. He doesn't seem to care about how in pain I am and asks me who is going to do the laundry and cook while I recover, let alone, who is going to take care of the kids? I just sit and cry, not sure what to do.

Should I postpone my surgery to seek a lawyer to leave him, or should I go through it and deal with the aftermath later? I'm mostly worried about my kids while I recover and want to lean on my dad and stepmom (who are wonderful) to help. -- IN PAIN

DEAR IN PAIN: Your health has to be your top priority. You are no good to your babies if you aren't well. Your husband's cruelty is abusive behavior, and you don't have to take it. Schedule the surgery as soon as you can under your doctor's advice. Once you have the surgery date set, contact a good divorce attorney and explain the situation. Get the ball rolling now so that your lawyer can deal with all the specifics while you are in recovery, thereby not slowing down the process. Tell your dad and stepmom what is going on immediately so they can help you now before you go into surgery and can arrange to be there for the kids once you are recovering. I worked in women's shelters and so many are alone, struggling, dealing with abusive partners and do not have the resources that you do. Take advantage of your support system.

You are much better off without him, and I think once you are feeling better, so many wonderful opportunities are going to open up for you and your family. You are employed. You are strong and powerful. You are loved by your family. You can walk away from this pain - all of it - and start anew.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Listen twice as much as you speak. You already know what you are saying, but by listening to others, who knows what you will learn that could be useful to you later.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I work in a government office and I have one co-worker that constantly is talking about her personal life.  For example, a few weeks ago she was speaking with her divorce attorney and discussing really personal things in the work area.  If it is not about that, then it’s about her oldest child whom she had to kick out of her house or her sex life and what method of birth control she is using. I have tried keeping my headphones on, but you can only turn up the music so loud.  Short of going to my boss and complaining, is there any other recourse I have?

--FRUSTRATED CO-WORKER

DEAR FRUSTRATED CO-WORKER: If she is this annoying, you really should just confront her. I don’t mean in a “Real Housewives” kind of way, but in a “hey, I’m concerned for you as a colleague,” way. Even if you really aren’t that concerned about her, and it’s more about getting her to stop airing out her dirty laundry, the way you present it could make all the difference. For example, you may want to pull her aside and say something like, “Is everything okay at home? You seem to be talking a lot about some really personal things that I’m assuming you don’t want everyone to know here at the office. I don’t want people to start talking about you, so maybe it would be better if you told just your close friends about things outside of work.” If she doesn’t seem to care and gives you an eye roll along with a: “If they don’t want to hear it, then they can tell me to their face!” response, your only other course of action may be to let your boss know that it is creating an uncomfortable workplace for everyone around her. But, if you cringe at the idea of bringing your boss into it, you can either try one more time and be even more upfront about your feelings, or buy bigger headphones.  

DEAR NATALIE: My sister recently had a baby and now everyone is bothering me about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister and I’m totally in love with my new nephew, but I have no interest in starting a family. I’m single and really love my life. Plus, I’m pushing 38 and don’t really think it is going to happen for me. But I’m okay with that. Please explain to me why I’m okay with it but everyone else isn’t and therefore everyone else is making me feel bad and guilty for the life I’ve chosen. What is wrong with being single and child-free, anyway? --SPINSTER FOR LIFE

DEAR SPINSTER FOR LIFE: The next time someone says to you, “When are you going to have a baby?” try this as a response: “You know, it is so refreshing to hear someone finally take an interest in my life. But let’s put babies aside for a minute so I can tell you about my real passion…” Or try, “Oh, I’ve never wanted kids and don’t plan on changing my mind.” Who knows? Maybe that will shut them up. There is nothing wrong with being single and child-free. If you don’t want children, don’t have them. I never understood the obsession with people trying to encourage other people who either aren’t ready or aren’t interested in having children into having them. All children (in a perfect world) should be brought into homes full of love by parents or people who wanted them. Anything else is less than ideal.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Before you end a conversation, always ask the person if they know of other people that you should connect with. Usually, people have at least one or two others off the top of their heads that could be helpful. In turn, be prepared to do the same!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: So how about this, after reading all of your letters about wedding gifts, I had to ask you about my dilemma: My now husband's family, at least a dozen of them, ate at our sit-down dinner, drank and danced the night away at our wedding several years ago. Not only did we not get a gift from any of them, but also we did not even get a card that said congratulations! I have carried a grudge since that day! I don't enjoy being with them because I find them rude and selfish. It is creating a wedge between me and my husband's family, but I have been having a hard time letting go. What are your thoughts? I am tired of feeling this way. Help me put this behind me! -- ANGRY WIFE

DEAR ANGRY WIFE: Who is it hurting more by carrying around all of this anger? Something that rubbed you the wrong way many years ago has tainted your relationships and possible friendship with your husband's family. People are selfish. They are selfish and rude and cranky and funny and loving and thoughtful and more. We are not all "good" or all "bad." No one is perfect. What gives me hope is that we are capable of change. We are capable of being better. Sometimes, we just need motivation to do so. Be that motivation. Make a conscious decision to put those bad feelings behind you and realize that now is all we have. Show them how you want to be treated by treating them well. Invite them for dinner. Make an effort to call more often. Take their kids to the movies. Do something good for someone else in your extended family and see how it feels. You may not get the reciprocity or the adoration you are looking for right away, but when we plant seeds of love, in time beautiful things may grow.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)