DEAR NATALIE: So how about this, after reading all of your letters about wedding gifts, I had to ask you about my dilemma: My now husband's family, at least a dozen of them, ate at our sit-down dinner, drank and danced the night away at our wedding several years ago. Not only did we not get a gift from any of them, but also we did not even get a card that said congratulations! I have carried a grudge since that day! I don't enjoy being with them because I find them rude and selfish. It is creating a wedge between me and my husband's family, but I have been having a hard time letting go. What are your thoughts? I am tired of feeling this way. Help me put this behind me! -- ANGRY WIFE

DEAR ANGRY WIFE: Who is it hurting more by carrying around all of this anger? Something that rubbed you the wrong way many years ago has tainted your relationships and possible friendship with your husband's family. People are selfish. They are selfish and rude and cranky and funny and loving and thoughtful and more. We are not all "good" or all "bad." No one is perfect. What gives me hope is that we are capable of change. We are capable of being better. Sometimes, we just need motivation to do so. Be that motivation. Make a conscious decision to put those bad feelings behind you and realize that now is all we have. Show them how you want to be treated by treating them well. Invite them for dinner. Make an effort to call more often. Take their kids to the movies. Do something good for someone else in your extended family and see how it feels. You may not get the reciprocity or the adoration you are looking for right away, but when we plant seeds of love, in time beautiful things may grow.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: One of my co-workers clears her throat loudly and often; she has some acid reflux issue. Some of us have joked with her about it and asked nicely if she had seen a doctor and/or taken anything for it. She said there is not much she can do about it. But it is driving me and my co-workers crazy. We sit in close proximity of each other, in an open space, and putting earphones on usually does not help (you can only play music so loudly). I don't want her to feel bad and I don't want to go running to the boss, but this is affecting our work. -- COUGH IT UP

DEAR COUGH IT UP: I'm trying to visualize this scenario in which this woman is constantly coughing to the point where your own earphones aren't even helping and it's starting to remind me of a "Seinfeld" episode. The only thing you can do is suck it up and deal with it (after all, it doesn't sound as though she can control this situation), or go talk to your boss about moving your seat. Perhaps if you let your boss know what is going on, in a concerned way, saying something like, "While I am worried about Beverly's health, it is starting to impact our work. Is there any way we can rearrange our seats to maybe distance ourselves a bit from the unending phlegm parade?" OK, maybe not the last part, but at the end of the day, maybe invest in a good pair of noise canceling earphones, or take up yoga, which can teach you to deal with the daily distractions of life in a peaceful, nonviolent way. Namaste your way out of this.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Feeling like a lot of doors are closing in your face? A lot of people lose out on networking opportunities because they hear "no" and assume that means forever. I like to think of "no" as "try again later." Many times people can't meet up due to personal issues or timing, so circle back, be friendly, keep an open mind and stay positive.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I have started to date this new guy and my friends don’t like him very much. They have heard rumors about him that he was in a domestic violence situation about six months ago and he put his ex-girlfriend in the hospital after the two of them got into an argument. I don’t see how this could be true. He seems really nice. They think I should walk away, but I think I should just ask him and find out if it is true. If it is true, what should I do? --HEARSAY

DEAR HEARSAY: Is there any way you can reach out to the ex-girlfriend? I would be wary of confronting him directly about this situation if he may have a bad temper. If you have no way of contacting her, you will need to discuss this with him. But, I would wait until you can talk about it with another person in the room. I would not confront him alone. If you do find this out to be true, break up with him. Do it publicly, do it with people around you, do not do it when you are alone with him. Many abusers first appear incredibly nice, but don’t mistake control for love. If he’s asking you where you are all the time, shows up unexpectedly, starts deciding things for you or demands that you do things that you aren’t comfortable doing, take note. This is abusive behavior. If you begin down this road, it most likely will only get worse. And remember this, the worst time for a woman who is with an abusive partner is when she tries to leave. This is the time when she is most likely murdered or violently attacked. So if there is a hint of abusiveness around him, investigate. If he is found to have hurt someone so badly that she ended up in the hospital, I wouldn’t just walk away from him. I would run. You are valuable. You have worth and purpose outside of any relationship. Love doesn’t hurt and it never should. If you need more support, call the domestic violence hotline for resources: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: The holiday season is heading our way and this is the perfect time to get involved in a charitable organization. Many groups are looking for volunteers this time of year. What a great way to meet new friends and to do something meaningful, as well.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My good friend has decided that she wants to have a baby on her own. She wants to go get fertility treatments and head to a sperm bank. She is single and pushing forty and says she is “tired of waiting to find the right guy.” She has been very career-driven her whole life and has done really well for herself. I still think she should go a more traditional route and focus on finding a husband first. We got into an argument about it the other day. She said if “I can’t be supportive, then she won’t be able to be friends.” I feel really hurt by this and don’t understand why she is taking my remarks so personally. I have three kids and I don’t think she is ready for the lifestyle change or responsibility that it will add to her life. Aren’t I allowed to share my concerns? --OH BABY

DEAR OH BABY: How else could she take your remarks? It’s an incredibly personal situation and she felt comfortable opening up to you about it and then you shot her down. While it may not have been the way you did it, or the way you would choose to do it, it’s her life and her body. If she has the financial means to take care of a child, and it sounds like she does, what is the problem here? Life is short and if having a baby is something that will bring her joy, she shouldn't have to wait to find “Mr. Right” to do it. Most likely she has been so focused on building her own career that she just didn’t have the time to invest in relationships. Her window is closing to have a baby, and while she may find love down the road, if she waits much longer she may not be able to have her own family. Of course she can adopt, but if she wants to have any of her own children, now would be the time. Instead of judging her for a choice you never had to make, why don’t you be her friend, instead? Share with her the ups and downs of motherhood. Talk about what keeps you up at night and what makes you laugh. Share your dreams and concerns for your children and give her a realistic idea of the thankless, albeit amazing, job that it is. She may just need someone to lean on. Let that person be you.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)