life

Who Should Move Out After Breakup?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | October 5th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend and I (we've been dating for about a year and a half) just split up two weeks ago but we are still living together. We just grew apart and while we both want to stay in the apartment, we can't afford it without the other person, and this is lending itself to some weird nights. My mom told me I need to just move out, but I think she should have to because it was my apartment first. What should I do? -- STAYING PUT

DEAR STAYING PUT: It all depends on how many more weird nights you want to have together. Do either of you have any prospects for a roommate? In order to stay in the apartment, the person who has a friend who wants to move in should be the one who gets to stay. I know you feel as though you have dibs on the space, but if both your names are on the lease, at this point the place is fair game. Personally, I would want a fresh start and wouldn't want to stay there because of the memories, but not everyone is so sentimental. The other thing you can do is both move out and find new places that you can afford on your own -- which is challenging in today's modern rental world -- or both agree to stay and just be friends. (And I can hear some of my readers snickering at that thought right now, especially if the space is a one bedroom).

At the end of the day, you have broken up. So, unless you aren't really ready to move on from one another -- you need to both move on. Ask her what her thoughts are on finding a roommate, and see who comes up with one first. Then, the other person will have to leave. But because it seems like an amicable split, perhaps whoever is staying could help the other with some moving costs, such as part of the security deposit, or helping to get a moving van. Some people might think that's weird, but a lot of relationships simply evolve and don't blow up. You can remain civil and friendly during this tricky situation and come out on the other side as friends(ish). But whatever you decide, do it now, not in two months. There is a shelf life to this, after all.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Sick of the L-Word

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | October 1st, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: What do you think of people constantly saying, "Love you?" They end phone conversations with it, they say it to random people when they first meet them, they say it to everyone. I think it sounds mechanical and ridiculous. We don't hold anything sacred anymore. Do you agree that we should use that phrase less and only for the people we truly mean it for? I think by devaluing the words, it creates a hollowness, and our world is hollow enough. What do you think? -- OVER LOVE

DEAR OVER LOVE: You're right. How dare people say "Love you" to each other. (Insert side eye here). Our world is far too mushy and gushy for people to just throw around such a phrase. While I agree that the words are sacred, I personally have no problem with people saying those magical words to friends, neighbors, new friendly faces, partners, family and pets. With all the chaos in this world, with all the hate and anger and divisiveness, you want people to refrain from saying "Love you"? I suggest you start saying it more often. Maybe it will soften your heart a bit and help you recognize that love is not limited. Only our ideas around it are.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Set goals on social media. Have 50 connections on LinkedIn for example? Set a goal to increase your connections to 100 in two months, and then take active steps to achieve that goal. Remember, it's not enough to be on social media. One must be present and engaged for it to benefit you, so take some time to up your game!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Can’t Get Family to Accept Single Happiness

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | September 28th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy single. I have a great career that I have built for myself, I have tons of friends who love to have fun together, and I am generally content with my home life. But my family won't relent. I'm 34, and they want me to find a man. The truth is, though, I don't want to date. I don't like dating. I'm not very good at it, and I am OK with being single. How can I explain to my family to let it rest? If it happens, it happens, but if it doesn't then that's OK, too. -- SINGLE AND NOT READY TO MINGLE

DEAR SINGLE AND NOT READY TO MINGLE: Unfortunately, we can't control other people, we can only control our reaction to them. In this case, simply change the conversation when your love life is brought up. For example, if Uncle Ned says something like, "When are you gonna get yourself a mate?" You could say, "I'm building one in my basement right now, and I've programmed it not to ask stupid questions." (OK, that's how I would want to answer it in my head, anyway). The truth is, people usually mean well when they ask these questions, but I also think people don't know how to make conversation with one another outside of the typical stuff (such as "How's work?" "How are the kids?" "How's the love life?"). While you can't stop them from asking private questions, you can change how you answer them. Eventually, they may get the hint!

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Speaking of technology, challenge yourself to waiting 30 minutes in the morning before you pick up your phone to check messages. Making people wait (just a little) to hear back from you is a good thing. You don't want to allow networking to rule your life, you rule it.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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