DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend recently discovered that I have a webcam show online that I host to make money. It’s whisper therapy known as 'autonomous sensory meridian response' (ASMR). Basically, it means I talk in a soothing, calming voice to help people relax. My show is very popular and I’ve started making a little money from it. Well, he found out about it the other night when he was over and asked me what video work I was editing. He got completely weirded out by it. I told him it is non-sexual and helps people deal with their stress. I have helped insomniacs sleep and people with anxiety feel better! Plus, I enjoy it and it could prove to be lucrative for me. He said it wasn’t “respectable” for me to do this for a living. I also work as a freelance photographer and part-time at a restaurant. I told him that I’m a good person. I just don’t think he understands. He’s much older than me and sometimes acts more like a father than a boyfriend. What should I do? He wants me to stop the show because he says I’m “embarrassing him and myself.” But I really enjoy it! Thoughts? -- CAUGHT ON CAMERA

DEAR CAUGHT ON CAMERA: While ASMR is not everyone’s cup of tea, you certainly aren’t hurting anyone by posting those videos on YouTube. If people find it to be entertaining or helpful, what’s the big deal? What is it that he doesn’t find ‘respectable’ about it? It sounds more like a generational thing than anything else. I would try to explain it to him again and even have him watch one of your shows. If he still finds it completely creepy and weird (some people do!) then just tell him that this is your thing and he doesn’t need to be involved in any way. His personal feelings, however, don’t give him the right to tell you what to do or how you should make a living. Everyone is always so quick to judge others but in all honesty if this is the worst thing that he can dig up on you online, I would say you are in a pretty good shape. Instead, he should work on cultivating a healthy, loving relationship, one in which he embraces and respects who you are. If he can’t do that, tell him in a soothing whisper, to get out and stay out.  

DEAR NATALIE: My friend Liza is always trying to upstage me. I get a new car, she gets a new car. I get new jewelry, she gets new jewelry. I go on a fun vacation with my husband, she goes on one with hers to basically the same place. It’s really starting to annoy me. I told my friend Jennifer how weird it was and she went behind my back and told Liza. Now Liza is mad at me for talking about me to Jennifer and now Jennifer is siding with Liza. I feel like I’m back in middle school. Any thoughts on how to fix all of this? I like Liza, I just want her to stop copying me. I also like Jennifer, but she shouldn’t have said what I told her in confidence and used it against me. Help! -- MEAN GIRLS

DEAR MEAN GIRLS: Wow, it sounds like you have a really fabulous life. Cars, jewelry, vacations...maybe if you focused on all of those wonderful blessings in your life and focused less on what Liza is doing you would be in a better place. So what if she copies you? Why do you care that someone is clearly inspired by your lifestyle and wants to experience it, too? How does that really impact you? Stop worrying about what others are doing and just have fun with your friends. Maybe she is jealous. Maybe she is looking for attention or wanted to impress you. By talking behind her back, you’ve now involved another friend in all of this which could have been avoided. Instead of being mad at Jennifer, maybe take a look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are causing drama in your own life. Call up Liza and apologize for talking behind her back. Then call Jennifer and apologize for involving her. Then count your amazing blessings and work towards giving more of yourself. Maybe that will inspire Liza to do the same. You can volunteer together and realize that the best things in life aren’t things at all.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Commitment is key. Yes, it is easier than ever to cancel plans, but when you commit to making connections, the follow through is the most important part. The next time you say you will be somewhere or do something, do it. Be a person of action that other people respect.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am seriously stuck and it stinks. I am so angry at my longtime boyfriend. About 90 percent of the time I have this amazing man. He gives me everything I need -- love and attention and he supports me. Then there is this other side to him after he drinks. This is when our relationship gets killed. I recently had to take a second job and I asked him if this would be an issue with his drinking, and if he could try to come home after work instead of going to the bar, especially if I have to work later than him. The drinking -- which is down to about once or twice a month -- is only a problem because we don't have the money for nights out and he becomes irresponsible. He falls asleep on trains, gets into fights, and most of the time I have to come and get him -- or worse -- I have to pay his tab, baby-sit him and never enjoy myself.

I have tried leaving. I have tried talking. I tried negotiations. I am just fearful that this is going to start a trend of when I am at work he gets to act like a jerk. I don't have time or patience left for this. I am all about working this summer and focusing on me. I don't see why this has to be the thing that breaks us up. But this is the only thing we fight over. It is a respect thing. I am not staying because I'm afraid to be alone. I've been through worse in a relationship and survived. It is that the other 28 days of the month he is great. But how can I make him understand that the lies and waiting until my back is turned are dumb and destroying our trust? -- TICKED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR TICKED IN PITTSBURGH: Sounds as though your partner has an alcohol problem. There definitely is a correlation between his alcohol use and his poor behavior. You stated that he is your longtime boyfriend. Are you choosing to stay boyfriend and girlfriend for other reasons, or are you unconsciously afraid of marrying him because you don't want to take on this burden in a more permanent sense?

He sounds like a great partner, but this isn't a small "quirk" that you can easily get beyond. Is he willing to go into counseling or rehab to save your relationship? You may want to consider an ultimatum. Either he gets help for his issue -- which is causing you intense emotional, physical and financial stress -- or you walk.

It can be scary to be alone and single (and I know you said you aren't afraid of being alone). But, imagine what it would be like to be alone without all of this stress of dating a man-child who cannot take care of himself, who causes you sleepless nights, who creates negative situations that you would not be in otherwise. You said something interesting in your letter: "I don't have time or patience left for this. I am all about working this summer and focusing on me."

You have answered your own question. You have nothing left to give to this. You need and deserve to focus on yourself. He has to decide what is more important, the bottle or your relationship. The fact that he gets violent when he drinks also troubles me. If you were my sister or my best friend, I would tell you to leave and never look back. You deserve a relationship that enhances your life, brings out the best in you both and doesn't drain you. Life is too short to try to fix people who would rather wallow in being broken.

If you do choose to stay, please consider Al-Anon.org for your own support.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: After several years apart, I'm in a place in my life where I have the opportunity to spend more time with my sister, her adult children and now their children. It's been wonderful to spend this quality time together. But I'm perplexed about one thing: she often invites my ex-boyfriend to some of our family gatherings. We dated for several years when we were in our 20s. It was a difficult split, and we went our separate ways after. I've now been married for 40 years and have grown children of my own.

My ex is my sister's family's electrician, and I guess over the years they've all become close. I've tried to be understanding and just roll with it when he was at my nieces' weddings, their kids' baptisms and a Christmas party. Those are, after all, occasions that tend to have large and varied guest lists. But I was surprised to see him at a small Mother's Day brunch my brother-in-law hosted for my sister, my nieces and me earlier this month. (My ex is single and childless, and his mother isn't in the picture.) It made me feel uncomfortable, plus it was challenging to make conversation. I also felt sorry for my husband having to spend the afternoon dining with my once-serious boyfriend.

My sister is renting a cabin for a family camping trip this summer and has invited my family to join hers. When I asked sort of jokingly if my ex would be coming along, she said yes (and she wasn't joking). I want to continue spending more time with my sister and her family, but it's awkward for me and my husband when my ex is invited, too -- especially at smaller gatherings when he's the only one there who's not a relative and it's more difficult to dodge him.

I find myself wanting to decline her invitations in order to avoid him, but I do want to accept them. Plus, I don't want want her to think that I don't value our relationship. On the flip side, I'm nervous to bring up the ex-boyfriend thing because I don't want to come across as controlling or stubborn. After all, she's free to invite whomever she wants to her parties and vacations. What should I do? -- ELECTRIC SHOCK

DEAR ELECTRIC SHOCK: This is weird. While people may often get close to others who work with them for many years, inviting the electrician to an intimate Mother's Day brunch is bizarre, especially considering that this is your ex. But, because you have recently rekindled your relationship with your sister, I understand the need to want to tread lightly.

The fact that you were very serious with this man (even though it was a long time ago) and are uncomfortable being around him (especially with your husband present) should be reason enough for her to think about when and if she invites the electrician on vacations or to family functions.

Talk to her about your feelings and this upcoming vacation. It's one thing to have to sit and stare at him awkwardly across a brunch table for a few hours, it's a whole other thing to be sharing a cabin with him. Say something like, "While I completely respect your friendship with (ex-boyfriend/electrician) I would really feel uncomfortable spending an extended amount of time with him. What can we do to remedy this so that I can come with you on vacation and spend time with our family?"

This way it makes her part of a solution, not part of your problem. There are some ways you can deal with this: 1. Rent a smaller cabin nearby so you don't have to wake up to the ex in the morning. 2. Plan your own trip and invite her on it (instead of waiting on an invite) so that you can create the guest list and he doesn't have to be on it. 3. Grin and bear it at the cabin and just avoid him as much as you can without being rude. 4. Take him on a hike and "get lost" and come back without him. I kid, I kid!

Whatever you decide, remember that your relationship is a two-way street with your sister, and you have every right to stand up for yourself and tell her how you feel.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)