DEAR NATALIE: After several years apart, I'm in a place in my life where I have the opportunity to spend more time with my sister, her adult children and now their children. It's been wonderful to spend this quality time together. But I'm perplexed about one thing: she often invites my ex-boyfriend to some of our family gatherings. We dated for several years when we were in our 20s. It was a difficult split, and we went our separate ways after. I've now been married for 40 years and have grown children of my own.

My ex is my sister's family's electrician, and I guess over the years they've all become close. I've tried to be understanding and just roll with it when he was at my nieces' weddings, their kids' baptisms and a Christmas party. Those are, after all, occasions that tend to have large and varied guest lists. But I was surprised to see him at a small Mother's Day brunch my brother-in-law hosted for my sister, my nieces and me earlier this month. (My ex is single and childless, and his mother isn't in the picture.) It made me feel uncomfortable, plus it was challenging to make conversation. I also felt sorry for my husband having to spend the afternoon dining with my once-serious boyfriend.

My sister is renting a cabin for a family camping trip this summer and has invited my family to join hers. When I asked sort of jokingly if my ex would be coming along, she said yes (and she wasn't joking). I want to continue spending more time with my sister and her family, but it's awkward for me and my husband when my ex is invited, too -- especially at smaller gatherings when he's the only one there who's not a relative and it's more difficult to dodge him.

I find myself wanting to decline her invitations in order to avoid him, but I do want to accept them. Plus, I don't want want her to think that I don't value our relationship. On the flip side, I'm nervous to bring up the ex-boyfriend thing because I don't want to come across as controlling or stubborn. After all, she's free to invite whomever she wants to her parties and vacations. What should I do? -- ELECTRIC SHOCK

DEAR ELECTRIC SHOCK: This is weird. While people may often get close to others who work with them for many years, inviting the electrician to an intimate Mother's Day brunch is bizarre, especially considering that this is your ex. But, because you have recently rekindled your relationship with your sister, I understand the need to want to tread lightly.

The fact that you were very serious with this man (even though it was a long time ago) and are uncomfortable being around him (especially with your husband present) should be reason enough for her to think about when and if she invites the electrician on vacations or to family functions.

Talk to her about your feelings and this upcoming vacation. It's one thing to have to sit and stare at him awkwardly across a brunch table for a few hours, it's a whole other thing to be sharing a cabin with him. Say something like, "While I completely respect your friendship with (ex-boyfriend/electrician) I would really feel uncomfortable spending an extended amount of time with him. What can we do to remedy this so that I can come with you on vacation and spend time with our family?"

This way it makes her part of a solution, not part of your problem. There are some ways you can deal with this: 1. Rent a smaller cabin nearby so you don't have to wake up to the ex in the morning. 2. Plan your own trip and invite her on it (instead of waiting on an invite) so that you can create the guest list and he doesn't have to be on it. 3. Grin and bear it at the cabin and just avoid him as much as you can without being rude. 4. Take him on a hike and "get lost" and come back without him. I kid, I kid!

Whatever you decide, remember that your relationship is a two-way street with your sister, and you have every right to stand up for yourself and tell her how you feel.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My son is seven years old and has become very close with a little girl in his class. I have had her over for play dates, but I had only met her father, who seemed like a very nice man. When I asked to meet my son’s friend’s mother, however, the man chuckled a little uncomfortably and stated that his “life partner” was a man. They have been together for seventeen years and were recently married. He wants to invite my husband and I over for dinner and I am incredibly uncomfortable with this. My husband doesn't see what the big deal is but I don’t want to have dinner with them. How do I politely say no? -- KEEP IT TO YOURSELF

DEAR KEEP IT TO YOURSELF: I find it interesting that you seemed to like this man until you realized that he was gay. Instead of jumping to judgments about him and his husband, why not open yourself to the idea of becoming friends? Your children already like playing together and if your husband is okay with this, why can’t you be? Letting go of prejudice and bigotry will open the space inside your heart for friendship. While we don’t have to agree on everything, we can always choose to be compassionate and respectful of one another. Getting to know them in their home may just show you how much you actually do have in common and could soften the edges around this issue for you. At least give it a try. You have nothing to lose except those negative feelings holding you back from making some new friends.  

DEAR NATALIE: My sister and I had a falling out about ten years ago and the last time I saw her was at our father’s funeral where she made quite a scene. Well, recently, she was diagnosed with cancer and has been trying to reach out to me. I have no interest in mending things after how she behaved towards me and my family, but my wife thinks that I should put things behind me and move forward. I think she is just trying to be manipulative and will want to use me now that she’s sick. Why else would she reach out? -- CANCER IN THE FAMILY

DEAR CANCER IN THE FAMILY: Clearly you are deeply hurt by your sister’s actions from more than a decade ago. But forgiveness isn’t about her. It’s about you letting go of these feelings that are like an emotional cancer, threatening to take over your whole being. While she may be trying to manipulate you, she may also have had an epiphany when confronted by this life-altering event. Maybe she is feeling remorse or regret for the things she did to you in the past. Perhaps she recognizes that this life is short and she doesn’t want to have any bad blood with the people she loved. She could also see this as an opportunity to open a new chapter and begin again. Whatever the reason, you owe it to yourself to find out. If this is a manipulation, you will see right through it and can move on. But if it isn’t, and you choose not to speak to her and she dies, you may have some unresolved issues that will never be mended. Better to hear her out, put it all out on the table and see what happens. If nothing else, it’s an opportunity to get things off of your chest so that you can move on, regardless if she is back in your life, or not.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Let people know the best way to reach out to you. Some people prefer texting, while others like email. Some reach out on Facebook messenger while others use Instagram. While there are so many ways to communicate, sometimes we can miss important connections because we didn’t realize they had a preferred way to communicate. I prefer email, and when people reach out to me in other ways, I always redirect them to my address. That way, I’m sure to stay in touch and on top of everything in a way that makes sense to me. If you’re not organized, you can’t network efficiently!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am attending my nephew's wedding Memorial Day weekend in Chicago. The wedding is Saturday night, and then on Sunday the parents of the bride are having everyone to their house for a barbecue. I would like to take the parents of the bride a gift, but what can you give them? I'm bored with the usual choices of flowers or dessert. I want to get them something different. I have already given bottles of wine from a local winery with personalized labels with the date of the wedding and such at their engagement party, so I do not want to do that again. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS BUYING GIFTS

DEAR SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS BUYING GIFTS: Because you already bought them bottles of wine (and what a sweet gesture that was), you could continue on that theme by buying them a set of agate stone coasters or a chic decanter. Or, since it is a barbecue, you could bring gourmet sauces and marmalades in a picnic basket with loaves of bread and cheeses, or some other barbecue-themed gift. Whatever you decide, personalizing it to their tastes is always a plus, and it is always nice to show up with something unique that the hosts will love but may not have bought for themselves. I applaud your thoughtfulness!

Networking Tip of the Week: You can tell a lot by how people shake your hand, and let that knowledge guide you in your conversation. A weak handshake may mean shyness or anxiety. So, take the lead and ask friendly questions to put them at ease. An overly firm grip may mean they are more aggressive and trying to impress you. So, let them do the talking and you do the listening. And if you are shaking someone's hand, try to be firm but not bone-crushing. Exude confidence but also make sure you aren't dominating the conversation, either.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)