DEAR NATALIE: My sister and I are incredibly competitive. We have always been this way. We are two years apart, and I'm older. She is convinced that I am always trying to "one-up" her. Our parents are older now and hate that we fight a lot. I am seriously trying to better our relationship, and I want to go to counseling. I think a lot of our issues stem from our childhood in which she was the "favorite" of my father's. To this day, I still feel resentful. She, in turn, feels as though I have always been mean to her and that my mother takes my side. What do I do? We are both in our 20s now, and I don't want it to be like this forever, especially now because I am expecting my first child with my husband. I haven't told her yet. -- SISTER DRAMA

DEAR SISTER DRAMA: Babies really do breathe new life into the world, and they can be instrumental in helping families heal. People see potential, the "what could be" when they look at babies. So, use this to your advantage when you sit down with her sister. Invite her over for a nice lunch and some tea and lead with an apology. Don't bristle. Even if you don't feel like you owe her one, it sounds as though you both have played a role in fueling negativity toward one another for a long time. Familial relationships are never simple, they are often frustrating, but at the end of the day, families make up the fibers of community. If you feel as though the relationship is worth saving, then save it. Say something like, "I want you to know that I love you. I know things haven't always been great between us, and I own whatever heartache I have caused you. I want to be better sisters and better friends and move forward with one another today in a healthy way." See how she reacts to that. Take a breath and say, "I especially want to work on our relationship because you are going to be an aunt soon, and I want my child to have a great relationship with you." She will probably be excited, taken aback, emotional -- all of these things. But, that's OK. Life is messy. You're about to be a mom, so now is the time to learn how to step back, look at the big picture, swallow your pride and find out what is best for the family and not just for your own ego. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Just interviewed for a job and really want it? It never hurts to send a (hand-written!) thank you note to your "maybe" future employer. Those personal touches stick out and can't hurt your chances when the field is competitive. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I’m currently in the process of building my first house down the street from my parents (the lot was a good deal). Recently, my mom implied that she would like a key so that she and my dad could have access to my house in case of severe weather. We live in the Midwest in tornado country, and the layout and foundation style of my house is sturdier than theirs. When I let her know that I didn’t want anyone to have a key, she got really offended and said, “Fine, then, I guess I’ll just be blown away since no one gives a damn about me, anyway.” Hearing this made me feel awful, but this is my first house, and I feel like if I have to give a key to anyone when I don’t want to, then it defeats the whole purpose of having my own house in the first place. This isn’t the first time that she has used a guilt trip to get her own way, which usually works. I’m currently living with my parents to save up, and she’s used guilt trips against me before. My sister and brother-in-law say that I should not give in to her, but I feel like a horrible daughter for refusing. She’s not the type to snoop, but there have been instances when I’m in my room and she enters without knocking. Am I wrong, or should I stick to my guns and refuse to give her a key? --DAUGHTER IN DILEMMA

DEAR DAUGHTER IN DILEMMA: This is a tricky one because mom guilt is a very real thing. But my question is: Is this really about the key or is this about proving a point? You did choose to buy a lot down the street, so it is only natural that she would inquire about having a spare key. Yet, this is your house and your decision. Part of me thinks you are just so ready to move out having lived with them for a while to save up, that the idea of your mom having access to your new place is making you cringe. Instead, why not just let this simmer for a bit. Wait until you are settled into your new home before you make any decisions. After having some physical distance from them, you may feel differently. In any case, someone you trust should have a spare key for emergencies, whether it is your mom, sister or best friend...in case of a twister!

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend and I have been dating for about six years now. She is 35, I am 39. We have been talking about marriage for a while, but every time I really broach the subject, she tells me that she just isn’t ready. Well, I am ready, and if we are ever going to start a family, we need to make a decision about what we are doing. The question is: Do I give her an ultimatum? Either we get married or we break up? No, I don’t want to break up, but I feel as though I need to give her a push. What are your thoughts? --MARRY ME ALREADY

DEAR MARRY ME ALREADY: I might get some angry letters, but the next sentence is still true: Starting a family and getting married aren’t one and the same, anymore. You need to find out what she means by “not ready.” Does she mean not ready to start a family? Or not ready for marriage? Are you more traditional in the sense that you need to be married in order to start a family? Perhaps she isn’t. Whatever the issue is, you need to figure out what she actually needs more time for and see if you can live with that. You are both in your mid-to-late 30s, so if you want to get on that baby train, it might be better to board sooner than later, but who knows? Maybe that’s what’s really scaring her and she doesn’t want to talk about it. As far as an ultimatum, I’m not a big fan of those. You don’t want to force someone into a situation they aren’t ready for. She may just resent you later for it. But you also don’t want to resent her down the road, either. Talk it out.  Sounds as though you have a good thing going, so it’s worth fighting for.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Budget doesn’t allow for networking events? There are a lot of free events around communities that you can become a part of to help broaden your social circle. Look on Facebook or other social media platforms for event lists in your community. Put out feelers at the library or other community spots about when networking groups meet, or be bold and start your own!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: One of my best girlfriends recently got married and ever since, it seems nobody sees her. I'm not really sure if it is my place to ask if everything is OK in her marriage, but I really miss my friend. How can I get her to understand that abandoning her other relationships isn't a healthy thing to do? There have been rumors that he is abusive, but I don't know how to approach this. -- FRUSTRATED FRIEND

DEAR FRUSTRATED FRIEND: This is a tough one when you don't know what is going on. If he is being abusive (verbally, emotionally, physically or a combination), you want to tread very carefully. She needs her friends right now. She needs to spend time with people outside of the marriage who love her and want the best for her. Call her every day until she answers and offer to just come over to have tea and catch up. If she seems relieved or happy to hear from you, take it as a good sign and bring flowers and show her that you love her and miss her. She may start to open up about what is going on in their lives, and perhaps she will tell you why she hasn't been around much. 

It could just be the mundane parts of life, settling into marriage, adjusting emotionally now that the wedding is over and no one is paying attention to her anymore. Go in with an open mind and heart and hear her out. However, if she seems wary of having you over, take that as a red flag that something might be going on that she wants to keep private. Offer to pick her up and go to a coffee shop or to breakfast. Pick a time when you think he would be out of the house, or if she has a job, offer to meet her during her work day for lunch. 

Do what you can to get in front of her, but once you are, don't try to be her therapist or grill her on what she has been doing. Listen twice as much as you talk. Wait for her to give you a kernel of truth that can open the door to a real conversation and hopefully a positive outcome. Just stay the course. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)