DEAR NATALIE: One of my best girlfriends recently got married and ever since, it seems nobody sees her. I'm not really sure if it is my place to ask if everything is OK in her marriage, but I really miss my friend. How can I get her to understand that abandoning her other relationships isn't a healthy thing to do? There have been rumors that he is abusive, but I don't know how to approach this. -- FRUSTRATED FRIEND

DEAR FRUSTRATED FRIEND: This is a tough one when you don't know what is going on. If he is being abusive (verbally, emotionally, physically or a combination), you want to tread very carefully. She needs her friends right now. She needs to spend time with people outside of the marriage who love her and want the best for her. Call her every day until she answers and offer to just come over to have tea and catch up. If she seems relieved or happy to hear from you, take it as a good sign and bring flowers and show her that you love her and miss her. She may start to open up about what is going on in their lives, and perhaps she will tell you why she hasn't been around much. 

It could just be the mundane parts of life, settling into marriage, adjusting emotionally now that the wedding is over and no one is paying attention to her anymore. Go in with an open mind and heart and hear her out. However, if she seems wary of having you over, take that as a red flag that something might be going on that she wants to keep private. Offer to pick her up and go to a coffee shop or to breakfast. Pick a time when you think he would be out of the house, or if she has a job, offer to meet her during her work day for lunch. 

Do what you can to get in front of her, but once you are, don't try to be her therapist or grill her on what she has been doing. Listen twice as much as you talk. Wait for her to give you a kernel of truth that can open the door to a real conversation and hopefully a positive outcome. Just stay the course. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I recently proposed to a great girl whom I have been dating for about two years. We have started planning the wedding, and while I am glad to be getting married, I can't help but think about my ex-girlfriend. Recently, she found me on Facebook, and we have reconnected. She lives out of state (reason we broke up) and got married, but has been messaging me that she made a mistake and wants to get a divorce so that we can have another chance. I don't know what to do. I thought she was "the one" at the time. Even though we have been broken up for about five years, I wonder if I'm making the right decision in getting married. Do you think I should pursue her or let it rest? I just worry I won't be able to move forward if she's still on my mind. -- PAST REGRETS

DEAR PAST REGRETS: Well, this sounds like a mess. Disclaimer: Even though I am on social media more hours in the day than I am going to admit in public, I hate that it causes all of us FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). This is a perfect example. Here you are, living life, about to marry and ka-boom! Facebook just blew it up. So what to do now? Tread carefully. Think this through. Five years is a long time to have been apart. Are you the same man you were when you were together? Most likely not, and she's hopefully evolved and grown over the years as well. You have a lot to lose if you jump ship and break your current fiancee's heart. I guess the big question you have to ask yourself is this: Which will hurt more? Walking away from your fiancee or wondering about what could have been with your ex? The world always looks rosier in the rearview mirror, so think long and hard about this. If you are planning on meeting up with your ex, do so in a public place, for coffee (no alcohol!) and with clear limitations set. At that point, though, you may have to tell your fiancee what is going on. If that seems crazy to you, my thoughts exactly. Life has moved on and so should you. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: Every time my best friend gets into a new relationship (which is often) she seems to ‘morph’ into whatever her new boyfriend wants her to be. The last guy was a musician, so she was obsessed with his music (which was bad) for five weeks. The guy before that was a deeply devout Christian, so for six months I had to listen to her reciting Bible quotes. The one before that was a sports fanatic and my friend (who had never watched football in her life) became a die-hard Steelers fan for about two months. What gives? I find it all very annoying!

--CHAMELEON LIFE

DEAR CHAMELEON LIFE: Your friend sounds immature and still figuring out who she is. While it is natural to pick up traits of someone when you are dating them or be open to new things, it can be really weird to see a friend morph into her boyfriend--especially when you’ve seen it over and over again. But in all honesty, what can you do? She clearly has some insecurity issues and a need to please. I actually feel bad for your friend. Instead of being annoyed, try imagining what it would be like to be that insecure and needy. Now I want you to keep that in mind the next time you want to roll your eyes at her. Hopefully this is a phase and she will grow out of it as she becomes more comfortable with herself. In the meantime, continue to build her up and express what a great person she is just as she is. After all, that’s what friends are for.

DEAR NATALIE: My fiance and I have just moved in together and we were wondering if we should combine our incomes into one checking account or keep separate accounts? I say we should keep separate accounts, but he thinks we should combine them. Who’s right? --BANK ON IT

DEAR BANK ON IT: I guess this just depends on who you ask. Some of my friends keep everything in one account and refer to their money as “ours.” Some of my friends keep separate accounts and split up the household expenses that way. Others do a mix of both separate and joint finances. Personally, I think it is important to maintain a sense of financial independence even within your relationship. Often times, whoever controls the money has the power. In order to keep a sense of power for yourself, I suggest always having a separate account that is really an “emergency” fund in case things go south and you need to get out. Some would say that’s paranoid, but I’ve watched enough people go through really dark relationships and have no financial leg to stand on. At the same time, if you are comfortable with it, it may be a good idea to also have a joint account that you both put money into every month to cover your joint expenses, like food, meals out together, rent or your mortgage, utility bills, etc.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Have fun with networking! Don’t be afraid to set up your own small event and invite your friends, asking them each to also bring one friend. Before you know it, you will meet plenty of new people that each have a connection to someone you like and trust.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)