life

To Tech Or Not to Tech

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 18th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: Do you think technology helps or hurts our ability to communicate? -- TECHGUY

DEAR TECHGUY: Tech is not "all good or all bad." Like most things, it has its pros and cons. Let's explore a few: Pro No.1: Technology allows us to reach people easily, thus allowing us to stay connected for both business and pleasure. Con No.1: Technology allows us to reach people easily. Sometimes we can become so distracted by the people in our phones (so to speak) that we neglect those right in front of us. To counteract this, make a pact to put your phone away during lunch meetings, dinner dates and other social gatherings. Make the focus on who is with you in the moment, not who is texting you. Pro No. 2: We can let people know when we are going to be running late, or have to reschedule a meeting. Therefore, it can be a more flexible world. Con No. 2: It makes for a more flexible world. Why would this be a problem? We learn to rely less on our word. Sure, things come up, but do you find yourself relying on your phone to let people know you are running late (all the time)? Everyone's time is valuable. Try not to use your phone as a crutch, and try harder to stick to your word. This builds character and it lets other people know you are reliable and trustworthy. Pro No. 3: It expands our social horizons, and gives us ample opportunities to meet new people. Con No. 3: It expands our social horizons. You know the saying ... the grass is always greener? The Internet leaves us blind to who we are really engaging with. People can create fantastic lives on Facebook and other social media platforms, giving you the green eyes. Stop fixating about the bigger, better deals out there and start nurturing what good people and things you have in your life right now. It's a mixed bag when it comes to tech and relationships, but the biggest key is having self-awareness. Recognize when you are with others to focus on them and put away the phone. You might even feel liberated! (Even if for only an hour).

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Dealing With Challenging People

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 15th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I was recently asked to chair a local nonprofit event here in the city. I gladly said yes, which I am now regretting. The board that I am dealing with has its own agenda and interests in how things should be run at the event. We are butting heads to say the least. I feel as though there are too many egos to contend with, and I'm only one person. And this is a volunteer position, for goodness's sake! I want the event to be beautiful and make money for the charity, but I also don't want to lose my sanity or friends. Any suggestions as to how to navigate this? -- Board of This

DEAR BOARD OF THIS: It can be quite a challenge working with a group of strong-willed, successful people who have their own opinions on how best to run the ship. But, they asked you to chair the event, so step up as a servant-leader. This means, find out what the strengths and interests are from each board member, and provide two options for each person for how they can best help with the event. Then delegate responsibility from there, but make it sound as though you are accommodating them and what they wanted to do. At the end of the day, the goal is to raise money and impact the organization in a positive way. By keeping that goal in mind (and your own ego in check) you can navigate these tricky waters successfully. And enjoy a glass of red wine at the end of it. That helps, too.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Like attracts like. In all networking situations, you will attract what you put out there, so always work hard to make a great first impression with positive words and friendly body language. Like Maya Angelou once said, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

When is it “too soon” to meet the kids of someone that you are dating? And what does it mean when someone says they want to “take things slow?”

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | June 13th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I have been dating a woman for three months, and she has a 2-year-old daughter. She wants to introduce us, but I think it is way too soon. Plus, a 2-year-old isn’t really going to remember me, and if we don’t work out, she wouldn’t know the difference anyway. Don’t you think it is too soon? When is a good time to meet her daughter? -- TIME CRUNCH

DEAR TIME CRUNCH: I agree with you. I think three months is way too early to meet the kids, especially when they are are so young and impressionable. I think a relationship should be solid for six to 12 months before kids are introduced. When they meet a new partner, it is best to say this is a “friend” and not have them around the kids much until further down the road. Kids are smart. They pick up on everything, and they need consistency and stability in their lives. You should let your girlfriend know that while you are open to the idea, you don’t think this is the right time. It isn’t fair to her if she were to become attached to you and then you break it off with her mother and appear to have abandoned her. If you do end up in a long-term relationship with this woman, remember this: You are not her father. Just be someone she can have fun with, and when she gets a little older, someone that makes her feel protected and loved.

DEAR NATALIE: I just started seeing someone. He is really great. I want to take things to the next step, meaning being exclusive, but he says he wants to “take things slow.” What does that mean? Does that mean he doesn’t really like me, or is he interested in sleeping with other people? So confused! -- TAKING IT SLOW

DEAR TAKING IT SLOW: Not only is he interested in sleeping with other people, but he most likely is already. If he wasn’t, why wouldn’t he just say, “Sure, let’s take this to the next step.” Clearly he is having reservations about the relationship and doesn’t want to limit his romantic options. Instead of looking at this in a negative way, however, use this information when considering whether or not you want to continue to see him. At least you know where he is at emotionally. If you aren’t on the same page, don’t waste your time unless you have a lot of it and don’t mind “taking things slow.”

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: It’s about the quality of your interactions, not the quantity. You don’t want to just be handing out business cards to everyone. Instead, focus on meeting and connecting with two or three individuals at your next event and form something more substantial.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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